You are asked by one to marry, you marry the whole family

February 1992, we met with the Priest to discuss the possibility of getting married in the church.  I am not Catholic, so I did not understand the requirements of the Church to get married under their roof. 


Jack was not taking any chances of asking me to marry him without making sure he did not disappoint his mother. I am not a man, but I would think if you loved someone enough to think about asking them to marry you, you'd ask first and then worry about the details. But not if the most important thing in your life is pleasing your mom.

We met with the priest in mid February. He was very kind as he explained the process.  He wanted to know my history.  I had been married once, divorced. Then he needed Killer's history, married once, divorced, married twice, ended in death and then we were married ended in divorce.  His eyes lit up, "This actually might be very easy."

If Killer's first marriage ended in divorce and he had not annulled that marriage before marrying Molly, the church would not recognize that marriage, nor my marriage to Killer. Did I know for a fact that he had not annulled his first marriage.  I was pretty sure. Killer and Mollie were married in front of the Justice of the Peace. I knew that Noni had never remarried as she was still in therapy over what Killer had done to her.  But, I needed to prove this.

I had not spoken to Killer since the summer before when I saw him at a golf outing.  I had asked him to come over to my house afterwards.  I gave him back the pots and pans I had taken when I left.  They had been his before I married him and I really didn't want anything that reminded me of him, so I bought new and returned those.

He was impressed that I owned a house and after touring it thought it was "cute." He wanted to know if being a ball buster and proving that I could live without a man, made me happy.  I didn't feel his question justified an answer so I let it go.

I called him as I needed information about Noni's full name and approximate date of their marriage and divorce.  He was of no help to me after he discovered the reason I was looking.  I was able to do some rough calculations to get a ball park of when I thought this may have occurred from him sharing his history with me so many years ago.

I found the divorce papers and there had been no annulment.  I was free to  marry in the Catholic church.  It was that simple.  I couldn't help myself to call Killer that day that I was given the news to inform him, in the eyes of the Catholic Church, I was never married to him and I kind of liked that news! He didn't find it all that humorous.

It wasn't a surprise that Chappy was going to ask me, it was just when.  We never went ring shopping, but Tina Marie had shared with him what styles I may like.

March 29, 1992, it was a Sunday evening and the night was cold and deary. We had just got  home from bowling. He was staying at my  house that weekend so he had a change of clothes.  I am confident his mother did not know that he was sleeping under my roof that weekend, or he'd have been staying at her house.

We came home and it was going on midnight. He had changed his shirt to a button down shirt from a pullover.  He went into the bathroom and cleaned up, brushing his teeth and combing his hair.  I was getting ready for bed and he said, "Let's go for a walk."

"A walk? It's going on midnight and it's frigging cold outside! What are you getting all dressed up for?"

"Let's just go for a quick walk, come on."

I hate cold weather, but I got bundled up and we walked one block. I was asking him what was he thinking to go for a walk at midnight in this cold.  We never went for "random walks." He turned us around and we headed back to the house.  He asked me to sit on the stoop and he got down on one knee.  I think I blacked out as I do not remember a thing  he said.  It was long and drawn out and it had to do with how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me...but I was cold! I seriously think my ears had frozen shut as I do not remember much, except he took this box out of his pocket, opened it up, I said yes and I got to go inside where it was warm! Why would you propose to a girl who hates the cold in the cold?  Get her all toasty warm and pop that question!

There was no time to fantasize in la la wedding land plans, we had to get to bed as Chappy left at six in the morning to drive back to Grand Rapids for work and I had to be up and off to work as well. We didn't really talk much about plans, we had to sign up for our marriage classes through the church and mark that off our to do list.

Chappy didn't want to go through his family church in Westphalia, so we contacted a local church and set up our classes with another couple who lived close by. We drove out to his Mom's house that weekend to announce the news.  She was more excited that we would marry in her church than anything else.

Chappy's mom, Min, was determined to make sure I never broke her Chappy's heart.  We went out to dinner one night, just the three of us.  I knew as long as Min was in the picture, I would never be number one  in Chappy's heart. It was very obvious from early on.

As we drove her home that night, I sat in the back seat and she sat next to her Chappy in the front. She quizzed me about my marriage to Killer in detail. Why did I leave? Why, why, why? So many questions and I answered them very honestly, but not giving her details about the abuse that I had witnessed. It was none  of her business.

She and her husband had been married for 40 years and she was sure to tell me it was no cake walk every day of those forty years, but they made a commitment to one another for hell or high water and they stuck to that commitment.  "You just don't decide one day this is not for you and walk out the door, you stick in there and make it work. You think you  are just going to marry my Chappy and when the breeze blows a different direction, you'll just move one, oh no girly, if you marry my Chappy, you stick it out!" 

She wondered why I had never changed my name back to Beadle.  "If you despised this man so much why do you still carry his name. I can tell you right now if John Boy and I ever parted, I'd go back to my maiden name in a minute."

"You'd do that because you would know that would hurt him, isn't that right?"

She agreed, John Boy would be hurt that she changed her name.  She already had dropped her given middle name and replaced it with her maiden name, but to drop his surname would have been a slap in  his face.

"Well, there is your answer as to why I have kept his  name.  He does not think I am worthy of carrying his name, so I do, because I can."

She wanted to know what name I was going to use for the invitations.  I was going to use my name, Henshaw.  What name would I use, that is who I was and had been for twelve years.  She insisted that I use my maiden name on the invitations.  Are you kidding me? I haven't been Cindy Beadle since I was twenty years old, no one knows me as Cindy  Beadle. She didn't care, I needed to consider that. End of story.

Min was a woman who got her way. Her children went out of their way to please her. She was quick to point out if they did anything that came close to disappointing her and would lay a guilt trip on them like no  mother I have ever seen do before or after her.

She loved her children, but there is a point in life that you back down and stop trying to run their life.  She never knew when to back down and it eventually contributed to the demise of both of her children's first marriages.