Adjustments are made by all, but you should be able to count on one another

Tina & Cindy

I was tired of the struggles.  It shouldn't be this stressful to get married. But, I could see that Min was going to lose her little boy and she fought hard inside to accept that she would no longer be the only woman in his life.  Yes, there had been girlfriends, but she knew they were just that, friends.  Cindy Marie was a threat. What she didn't realize is if she had treated me differently, we could have had a wonderful relationship.  I was not her enemy.

With the anticipation of weddings, come parties.  Bridal showers. And with bridal showers come registering for gifts.  I didn't need anything. I had a house that I had bought everything that I could possibly want, but you "have to" register.  

Grandma Lucy & Tina

If there is one thing Killer taught me was "why go second class when first class only costs pennies more." My father taught me, "take care of what you have and you will have it forever." I prefer quality over quantity. You live once, might as well treat yourself nice.  It is not to say that I always had quality, but you learn, if you buy quality, you don't keep replacing it.  I wanted a certain brand towel. I wanted sheets, but they had to be a minimum of 200 thread count. If you are going to register, register for what you want. Min thought I was being a little snooty.  "You expect people to buy your sheets and towels at J. C. Penney's? You just can't be happy with a towel, you have to have a certain brand? And what is this thread count? I've never heard of any thing so ridiculous!"

Lisa, Bucky & Tina

Can you believe this? J. C Penney.  She was throwing a fit because I wanted towels and sheets from Penney's.  Not Hudson's. Not Nieman Marcus, Penneys. But the fact that I wanted only a certain kind is what set her off.

I told her I did not expect anyone to buy me anything.  I had all that we would need, but she insisted that I create this list for everyone to pick a gift and then she gets miffed that I write exactly what I want, nothing more, nothing less.  I even indicated the colors. She was displeased that I was expecting people to buy these "expensive" gifts.  Again, I  married Killer, never had a bridal shower or wedding gifts.  Did not expect them, didn't require them, but "that's how we do things in Westphalia."

Cutting the cake

Tina Marie threw the first party. It was at her new apartment complex in June. People from work came and family.  It was very nice.

We had your usual shower food and a cake for Jack and I to "practice" cutting. Mom and Dad came down and my Grandma was there.

Min & Cindy

The next party was given by Chappy's family, hosted by his Aunt Janet who I just adored. She was so kind and lived two doors down from Min. The party was huge given the size of the family and I had been "instructed" on "behaving" myself.  This was one of the first times I was meeting everyone and Min did not want me blowing off my mouth about babies. 

Chappy's co-workers threw us a party as well in Grand Rapids.  It was more of a party filled with prank gifts than anything else.  Chappy's supervisor bought us t-shirts. One said, "Sales Representative" and one said, "Customer" alluding to the fact that Chappy took his job seriously by "servicing" the customer.

I wanted everyone to be comfortable at the wedding.  Most knew each other, but some didn't.  I decided to throw a party in July and invite everyone over who was going to be in our wedding to just get to know one another before the big day. Tina and Roberto came over for the party.  She told me he had just proposed and she had accepted.  She had only known him for less than two months.  He was much older and I saw Killer and I in this love match.  I didn't want her to make the same mistakes, but she was happy and I was happy for her. They married six weeks after we did.

Tina and Roberto

This is the day that Min met my parents for the first time. If I had to give an example of two women who were complete opposites of one another, I'd give you Min and Mother Beadle. Min had her finger in every thing when  it came to her children and Mother Beadle, she raised you, what you did beyond that was your problem, not hers. She was famous for saying "you made your bed, now lie in it."

My mother had never butted into my business. She has never told me what I should do or shouldn't do.  She really did mean it that one evening when I was seventeen, "I'm done, don't call me if you get in trouble." She might make some sarcastic remark about something going on in your life, but she completely backed off of being a mother after we became of age.

Min took my mother aside and asked her why she didn't put  her foot down when I married Killer and tell me that she wouldn't allow it.  As far as Min was concerned, that was the biggest mistake of my life.  She asked Mother Beadle what she was thinking to allow her daughter to marry someone so much older.

God, you have to love my mother, she looked at Min and said, "In case you haven't figured it out yet, no one controls Cindy. If I told her to not marry him, she would have just out of spite. You've got a lot to learn about my daughter."

Min lectured my Mom on "mothering." She said your job as "a mother is never over, you have to tell them what you expect and make sure they stay on a path."  My Mom laughed.  She didn't respond, but I knew what she was thinking.  "Good luck with that one, Cindy Marie, doesn't do well with some one telling her how to live her life."

Our father's got along great.  Both were in management at General Motors and  like men, talked about shop, not wanting to get between the cross hairs of the conversations their wives were having.

Min had shared with my mother my "expensive tastes" and the registration. "Who does she think she is? Pretty expensive taste? Where does that come from."  Mother was very honest, "Cindy is her own woman. She has her  own mind, opinions and tastes. She does what she wants and I really have no idea where she came from."  I will never forget that.  The conversation ended on that note.

Chappy had ended his lease on his apartment.  We packed him up in July to move into my house.  The furniture he had belonged to his parents and so we carted it back to their house and put it in the basement.  He didn't have much. Most men don't.  We sat down and talked about what we were going to keep of his, mine and what we may want to get as ours.  As we packed things up I told him to be honest with me about what he wanted and didn't want.  Every thing else was going to be sold in a garage sale.  I had things I wanted to get rid of to make room for him and so along with getting ready for the wedding, I organized a huge garage sale.

I spent weeks getting this ready, organizing, pricing and preparing for.  It was all neatly displayed in my fancy garage, cascading out into the driveway. Min and Sissy wanted to have a preview sale as did others.  I had them over the week before the sale and I should have just told them no.  They stood in the garage whispering among themselves over what was being sold.  Sissy had bought Chappy this or Min had bought Chappy that and they were expressing their disappointment in what was being sold and how much it was priced for.  I heard them, their snide remarks and sarcastic tones.  

I told Chappy to go put the fire out and let them know that HE gave the stamp of approval to sell these things.  It was not ME that said the stuff had to be sold, but he wouldn't do it.  Min and Sissy brought there finds into the house and Min pointed out that she "certainly paid a lot more for" the item, the first time she bought it.  She had to tell me when she had bought it and how much Chappy loved it. She wanted to know if it just wasn't "good enough" for me.  My tongue was raw from biting it.  But, there comes a point that it lashes out and doesn't care. "Well, lucky you, the second time you are buying it, you are getting one helluva deal.  I hope you like it!"


I had had a full summer of Min and her ruling my bubble.  The caterer was the last straw. I had been about as patient as I could be, while still trying to be understanding that in her mind, she was losing a son, not gaining a daughter.

I confronted Chappy the next day after our visit with the caterer.  I expressed my discontent with his siding with Min after "we" had made a decision.  He was quick to point out that she was struggling with not being his number one any more and he was trying to keep every one happy.  He assured me after we were married, I'd be his number one.  I knew this was never going to happen. I'd be lucky to be in his fav five as his career and mother fought for first place and his sister and dad came before me, leaving me hanging by a thread in fifth place.

I was just matter of fact that day.  We were three weeks from our wedding day. "I'm done. Here is what needs to be accomplished still.  You and your mother figure it out and maybe I'll show up at the alter that day, but for now, I'm done. This is your mom's party, we just happen to be getting married at it."