We Are Capable of Change

Killer was disappointed that I chose to spend my birthday with Michael. Michael was disappointed that I would not make a decision about Killer.  I was disappointed that neither of them listened to me and what I wanted.

Killer became very quite.  He stopped calling me and it was rare that I heard from him after the blow out on his birthday.  He would call occasionally but not on a regular basis.

Worm was now out of the service and was preparing to get married in May 1987. She has her own struggles.  We had spoken in December 1986 and she was done with "men.'  Three weeks later she called to tell me she was getting married.  His name was Bill, but when I asked for his last name, she held the phone away from her mouth and asked him, "What is your last name?" I was hoping she was kidding me.

She had made contact with Mollie's relatives in Alabama and had shared with them stories of sexual abuse at the  hand's of Killer and they had called to confront him.  He needed to talk to me. He couldn't believe she'd tell Mollie's family such lies.  It was eating away at him as he liked Mollie's family and did not want them to think of him in that way.

I hadn't heard from him in a while.  We decided to meet at Anastasia's Donut shop in Okemos. The little donut shop that we would go to with the neighbors. He looked so different! It had probably been three months since I had seen him.

He had on fashionable jeans without grass or oil stains, white fancy tennis shoes and colorful golf shirt! Who was this man? He was nice and did not say a thing about my return home.  We talked about Worm and what she was telling her family down south.  He didn't know what to do.  I asked him if the stories were true and he said no, not at all, but deep inside, I could envision what he was telling me actually happening, but when, I didn't know.

Worm lied so much it was hard to tell when she was telling the truth and when she was lying.  He was going to talk to her Uncle Chuck and remind him what a wild uncontrollable girl she was when she lived there and convince him she could not be trusted.  

He asked me how I had been and how my work was.  It was like the old times. We just talked.  There was no begging, no telling me I was out of my mind, we just enjoyed a couple of hours exchanging conversation about many things.

I mentioned that I liked the new look.  He chuckled.  "You were right, I dressed like an old man." "Why the sudden change? I tried to get you to do this for seven years?" 

His response surprised me. "Mon Cheri." "Mon Cheri?" "Yes, she is a paralegal at a law firm in Saginaw that I have been seeing.  Funny, she said the same things about me that you did, so I decided to make some changes." 

If that isn't a kick in the gut, I don't know what is.  I was happy that he was no longer so focused on our marriage. He too was testing the waters and had made some major changes, but again, on the inside I wondered.

Why?  I asked you for years to lighten up, walk on the casual side, put your sneakers on, but you said it wasn't you.  What happened that this new woman convinced you in a couple of weeks to make such major changes?

I was happy to see the old Killer back.  The funny light-hearted man that I fell in love with. He told me he and "Mon Cheri" had been on some little road trips to the the outlet mall in Birch Run and stopped at Gracie's for dinner.  

Was this his way of turning the knife? These were memories we had shared.  We loved going to Gracies when we were up in the Birch Run area or Frankenmuth. But he didn't shop, he complained that I shopped and he had to walk around with me. He would walk around with me, but he didn't like it.

And here he was sharing our memories with a new woman.  I knew this would happen as he shared things with me that he and Mollie had done. I couldn't expect him to come up with an imagination and do something different. I was surprised he had on jeans and tennis shoes.  But a piece of my heart twinged. He had found someone to enjoy time with. Was the end coming soon?