Trust is a Difficult Matter

Life at work was stressful.  I was bound and determined to promote myself to a supervisor's position, but Julie and Roger were standing in my way.  I decided that I would apply for a position in Southfield in 1990 when Neal left. I  could sell the  house, move to a different city and start all over.  I didn't really want to move to the suburbs of Detroit, but Lansing held nothing but bad memories so far.

I was working for the best boss I'd ever had. His name was John. He was a leader, well liked, got the job done and supported his staff.  I was still training and he and I had spoken of moving into management.  He suggested that I apply for the job in Southfield. He reported directly to Roger and he knew I'd have a better chance if I  got out from under Julie.

I applied and I interviewed.  The manager in Southfield  liked me. He knew me from training in the office. He had been the supervisor at the time and had been promoted to manager.  When I got back to Lansing on Friday morning, John assured me I was a shoe in.  He had  spoken to Mark himself and I was going to be offered the job on Monday.

All weekend I sat at home wondering what I had to do.  Sell the house, look for some where else to live, but where?  Could I afford another home, live in an apartment, the list was endless.

Monday morning came and they announced a field adjuster had been promoted from Southfield. I was devastated.   John called me in the office and told me that I had been the number one pick, but Mark had to run his choice by Roger and Roger did not give his choice the stamp of approval.

I knew there be another chance.  I really wasn't sold on moving, but I probably would  have if given the chance.  I don't know if I would have been happy, but life changes.

Later that year, John gave me the heads up again. He confided in me that on Monday he was firing a supervisor that reported to him and he'd promote me.  At this point, I was so sure I did not want the position that I started to second guess myself.

I had developed a friendship with a woman in the office, her name was Bucky. I would have considered her a "friend." We took breaks together, did things outside the office together, we confided in each other, things friends do.

She was a senior claims examiner when I hired in and was promoted to supervisor when I was in the midst of training staff.  I had heard her tales of how difficult Roger could be as well as his managers.  Bucky reported to Howdy Dody  ( that is who he reminded me of).  She had told me how much Howdy had changed when he had been promoted from supervisor to manager. These two people had gone back a few years and were friends outside the office but she didn't speak highly of him any longer.  I agreed, he had changed.

I called Bucky that night at home and I asked her what she thought of being a supervisor. She knew the trials I had faced with Julie and Roger and I wanted to know if it was worth the agony of rejection again.

She wanted to know why I was asking.  There were no positions open that she knew of.  I confided in her. She knew this manager was not working out well and she wasn't  fond of her either. She personally had complained to me about how inept she was.  We talked for well over an hour about the challenges and the demands.  She didn't  hold anything back about the difficulty of working for Roger and Howdy.

I wanted to get experience in management. Once I got it, I could write my own ticket, but I needed to get my foot in that door.  I decided if John had the opening, I'd give it another try, what is the worse he could do, reject me because of Roger again?

I came into the office that morning and there was tension throughout the floor.  I was called out onto the veranda and there sat Howdy. He was a little too friendly for my liking and some thing smelled fishy.

His behavior of "we are in this together" was overwhelming.  He made small talk.  Early in my career, when he was a supervisor, he was part of this small group of people who did things outside of work.  He was no longer that person.  His whole persona changed with his promotion.

The gauntlet was dropped when he realized I did not buy into his friendliness as being sincere.

"Did you talk to Bucky this weekend?"

"No." Who did he think he was to  call me out onto the veranda to ask me what I did on my personal time, away from the office. He repeated the question and the answer remained the same.

Did he think I didn't hear him the first time or did he think I would weaken and break down like a little school girl who was just thrown in the mud by a bully.  He had no idea who he was dealing with.  

He went on to say that "rumor" had it, I had called Bucky on Friday night, at home and discussed the future of another supervisor on staff. He even knew the exact time I had placed the call.  I flat out refused knowing anything about this.  He wanted to know where I came about finding this information out and of course, how would I know if I had never made the call.  Come on, I was not that weak.

I did this for a living.  Asking questions fifty different ways to try and snag an injured worker into confessing he really didn't injure himself on the job. Two hours he sat there and grilled me and for two hours, I never changed my story, but inside I was fit to be tied.  The longer I sat there, the more angry I became as the betrayal slapped my face.  How could I have trusted her. Killer had told me you didn't have friends, you had acquaintances and I thought of her as a friend. No more.

Bucky was the only person I had shared this with.  How I wanted to tell him about our conversation and the unkind comments she made about him, but I would not break. Howdy made reference to a possible termination if I was being dishonest.  My mind was saying, knock yourself out, I'm still not going to confess about something I did on my time, in"the privacy of my own home."

He was ruthless and I was stubborn. The more he questioned me the more I dug my heels in the ground.  These people, did they think they had a right to tell me that I had to do things that were outside of the scope of my employment.  They couldn't tell me who I had to have lunch with and they sure as hell were not going to tell me who I could talk to and what I could talk about on my time.

I didn't go into Bucky's office on their time, their property, their dime and close the door to discuss this, I did it outside, friend to friend or so I  thought.  I was furious that Bucky had sold me out and I wanted revenge.  I wanted to spill my guts that she was unprofessional as well and spoke poorly of management, being non supportive of their quests, but I stayed silent. 

I wondered how long this was going to go on and the longer it went, the more angrier I became. Was there no one that I could trust?  I felt terrible though at the thought of John.  Did he know this was going on? Howdy was not in my chain of command, so I knew something was going down out side of that room that hung open over the lobby, where everyone could hear the conversation we were having. 

He didn't take me in to a private office, behind closed doors, he took me out in the meeting room, an open space that butted out from the walls enclosing the offices.  Voices echoed out on these verandas.  Every thing you said could be heard by anyone standing in the lobby to waiting for the elevators.  I was livid that he kept me hostage on that platform.

Finally he realized I was not going to break. He told me "they" were talking to other parties and if it came about that I was lying, there would be consequences I would have to pay, such as my job.  "Are you willing to risk that?"

My reply, again, unchanged, "No risk involved.  I didn't talk to her." He let me go and I started taking names and planning my revenge.

I tell everyone this, I am the nicest person you will ever meet, but don't cross me, or I will nail your coffin shut." How dare her! I had just gotten in the office.  She started work forty five minutes before I did, did she trip over her tongue trying to rat me out before I even stepped into the building?

She was as guilty as I was, bad mouthing her superiors to a fellow employee. I walked back to my desk, but took the long way there, walking by John's office. He was not there.  I wondered if he had been sequestered behind closed doors, being drilled by some one else.  Bucky was not in her office as well.  I could almost pin point who had who behind closed doors as the offices were all empty.

I was so angry I couldn't even work.  I kept replaying the conversation over in my head, wondering how they discovered this conversation that took place less than 48 hours ago, prior to the weekend.

Did she call Howdy at home to announce the news that I had just shared with her? Did she call the other supervisor to warn her, who may have confronted senior management with this rumor?  I didn't think that was the case, she didn't like this person as she thought she was a poor supervisor. I had to talk to John and tell him what had happened, but they had warned all of us to  not talk to one another until they had finished their investigation.

Every one was on different floors being grilled, still.  I got off easy, just two hours. Was she singing like a canary? The day ended, but it was a long, long day.  The office was a buzz over the activity.  Secret meetings, muffled voices, angry faces, silence among the accused. Who was going to break first?  Not me. I'd refuse to tell them what I did on my time.  What was the worse that could happen?  I could get fired, but I was looking for this job when I had another, so I would move on, but I would be smarter.  Lesson learned.  Trust no one that you work with as they will skin you alive and watch you die to save their own hide.