Second Time Around? Good Choice or Not

The year was filled with many firsts, but also history began to repeat itself. In March 1989, I ran up to the Quality Dairy Convenience store at the corner of St. Joesph and Creyts Road.  It wasn't far from my little piece of heaven and I just needed to pick up some milk.  It was a beautiful spring day.  I had just gotten out of my car when I heard,

"Cindy, is that you?"

It is rare that when I am out people recognize me with a question mark attached at the end of the sentence.  I turned toward the voice and there stood Neal. It had been ten years since I last saw him. It was the  day he walked out of  our apartment in to the arms of another woman.

We stood there for quite some time sharing our history. I told him that I was recently divorced and living nearby.  He had married the woman he left me for and had a three year old daughter.  He had been divorced from her for almost two and a half years.  They had been married five years when he moved out.  It didn't surprise me that he had moved in with another woman.  I could see his history was repeating itself already. 

Karma struck him and secretly inside I was handing high fives out to the world.  He had moved in with this woman he left his wife for and within a year, she was sleeping with her boss. He was devastated. He had just moved into an apartment out near East Lansing and was struggling to get settled in with the demand of work and shared custody of his daughter. 

He didn't fulfill his dream of becoming a dentist, he programmed computers. He was self employed with a contract through the State of Michigan.  He worked nearby and was on his way home.  We had a pleasant talk and it was nice seeing him.  We exchanged numbers and went our own way.  I did not expect to hear from him at all.

But, I did, three days later, just like twelve years ago when we met the first time.  He wondered if I would like to go to dinner and a movie.  He needed someone to talk to and he thought since I "knew" him, I might be a good ear.  I agreed to go.

We went to our favorite restaurant. DeLuca's. I had worked there briefly when we lived together, but decided being a hostess on Friday and Saturday nights with two entry doors that needed to be managed was not worth the $2.45 cents they offered.  People were brutal when I would seat someone at the front door who came in before the person at the back door. Not to mention I helped bus tables so I could get patrons seated faster. I  decided I already had two full time jobs and didn't need a part time job to boot at the moment.

Neal was heart broken. He loved this woman who ripped his heart out. He was blindsided by her betrayal and felt he could no longer trust women. I didn't want to remind him that ten years ago, he did the same thing to me.  I just listened like a good friend would.

He told me about his former wife and how they came about "dating" while he and I were living together. She had some issues with social anxiety and he was sure she would change after they got married. She had promised she would, but he discovered those issues were much deeper than socially.

He absolutely was crazy about his daughter.  She was the apple in his eye and he'd do any thing for her. He needed to get his apartment settled so that she could come stay the weekend with him.  Right now he just took her during the day and returned her home to her mom as he couldn't keep her in his place. He still had not unpacked or bought basic things to set up a home.  He was busy at work and he was quite active outside of work with softball and bowling, depending on the season.

I offered to help him get settled.  Don't ask me why. It's just who I am.  We made plans to meet the next weekend to take an inventory of what he needed and to unpack his boxes, setting up his first apartment as  single man.

He didn't have much.  He allowed his former wife to take every thing as he felt guilty leaving her and he was moving in to a home that was fully furnished. He had not anticipated this to happen. He was paying a hefty price in child support so money was tight for him.

I made a list of what he needed and left after we unpacked his things.I set out to get basics such as towels, basic kitchen items and a toaster. His daughter loved toast. A few nights later we met up again and I unpacked all the bags, putting his new things in their new home.  He wanted to know what he owed me and I told him, nothing. This was my contribution to his new life and I hoped he lived it wisely.

Being Silly

He was so surprised at my generosity but I reminded him that I had always been generous,he just took advantage of it before. He agreed that he had not treated me fairly when we were together and he apologized.  It was nice to hear, but it was ten years too  late.

We started hanging out together. Just friends, old friends who knew one another in a different life.  His parents were so surprised to see me again sitting at the Easter Dinner table.

Working the Runway

His daughter and I were best of buddies.  Often while Neal worked, Kaitlyn and I would go play or bake cookies for daddy.  We were always being "silly" and I was a great one for teaching her how to be really silly! We spent more time together on the nights he had her than he did with her.

She loved her Cindy Lou! I would sew her little cute dresses and play outfits, stuffed animals and clothes for her Barbie.  We'd go shopping and have lunch out at her favorite place, Chuck E Cheese. We'd read books and make up stories, all the things little kids like to do, I made sure she did them.  We went to Potter's Park, had picnics and played on the swings for hours. She hated to go home, but after a while, I had to curtail my interaction with her.  Her Mom  had called Neal to find out who this Cindy Lou was that Kaitlyn spoke of all the time. When he told her who I was, she firmly planted her foot down that HE was supposed to be spending time with her, not me.

I helped him. He couldn't pick her up at day care, I did. He needed some one to watch her because he was working late, I helped.  But feelings for one another started to return and it was just so natural for us.  We both agreed that we had made mistakes and we were too young when we lived together the last time, so we decided to give this a chance.  We began dating again.