The Demand is Simple, I want it All

I had finished my presentation.  I laid it out there before this mediator. This was much more complex than, "we grew apart." I had started to question whether we had ever been together to grow apart. We had always been separated by miles or State lines. Eight years is a long time to be married, yet alone. Chappy had told me that he had been thinking of leaving when we were in Indiana.  I am going to assume for another woman, as history continually repeats itself, but he had this need to compete against a man that he had never met and that I had long forgotten, Killer. Killer and I were married on paper for just shy of seven years.  Chappy had to  one up him.  How do I know? In the discussion the day we sat in the master bathroom, I told him divorce is not civil, it is messy and once the line is drawn in the sand, it gets very complicated.  Off the cuff, he remarked, "I lasted longer than Killer, I had thought about leaving while we still lived in Indiana." So glad he waited, he wasn't worth that much at that time in our life and Indiana law would have limited just what I could get.

The mediator made a few final notes and asked me to step out into the vestibule with her.  Mr. King stood up to follow, "Mr. King, I would like to talk to Mrs. Schafer alone.  She presented her case without your assistance and I think she is capable of having a discussion with me without you, is that OK with you, Mrs. Schafer."

"Yes."  I got up to leave.  Wondering what she wanted to talk to me in private for.  I could not imagine she was going to deliver news that she regrettably was going to side with Mr. Schafer. I gathered my things and stood tall as I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had presented the facts, supported by documents that he left in the paper trail.  He presented nothing substantial except he was weak and knew nothing about commitment.

As I entered the vestibule and closed the door behind me, the Mediator congratulated me. "It is rare you see a spouse come to a hearing so well prepared. What has your training been?"

"I used to investigate insurance claims and  handle the litigation matters.  I have been trained to prepare a claim for trial."

"You did an outstanding job and should be congratulated. May I ask what the salary is Mr. Schafer earned at the time this all started?"

I told her and she in return wanted to know what I had earned when we were married.  She asked me what I had to give up to follow him every time we moved  I was unsure of what she was looking for, but she simplified it, "What have you compromised to be with this man.  I see a woman who has given up a career for his, what else have you done?"

I reached into my briefcase. I had not expected her to ask me this question, but I had asked myself this same question recently.  What had I given up in my life to be with this man and what had I gotten in return? I handed her the list. She was quite surprised that I was that prepared! The list was quite extensive.  I had given up holidays with my family. Seniority with jobs.  Pension with the State. I had taken salary cuts to move with him and had to prove myself over and over with every new employer.  Every time we moved I was the one that stayed to sell the house, coordinate the move, unpack, settle in, he was never a part of that so he didn't understand how stressful it could be.  Inventorying the household goods so that if claims had to be filed they were done timely.  I gave up accrued vacation time when I sacrificed seniority, starting with two weeks every time I moved.  I would never stay some where long enough to accrue the weeks he had from staying with the same employer.

The list was endless, it ranged from important things that meant some thing to me to petty things, just because I wanted the list to be long so every time I looked at it, I hated him more. She and I sat in the vestibule for some time talking.  She said it sickened her to see this day in and day out, these men who reached a point in their life where they were in positions of power and wealth making the six figure salary with a woman "similar to yourself" who supported them, gave up on their own dreams and when they reached that magical age of forty, they dropped them for some young thing that was clueless of the sacrifices the woman before her had made but benefited from the riches that two had built, but one had maintained.

"I think you will do well, Mrs. Schafer. You are a strong women and you will find some one who will love you and be faithful some day.  You deserve better.  We can go back in and I'll wrap this up and then ask you to provide me a list of your demands. We should be able to wrap this up in the next couple of weeks and you'll be free to start living your life again." She got up to return to the room.

"Just a moment." I reached in the file of documents I had been gathering. "Here.  My list of demands. I think it covers every thing, but I need to add a few things that I had overlooked.  He will need to provide health insurances until I find employment that provides it and I want him to pay the retainer I had to pay Mr. King as well as any additional charges that have accrued."

She smiled, " I really like you Mrs. Schafer.  You have definitely given me hope that there are women out there who do not succumb to a man who holds that golden carrot.  Most come in here after their husband has told them how much he loves her still and in a weaken state, they are afraid to fight for what is theirs, as they are holding on to a thread of hope."

"Yes, he tried that the last time we were here.  I severed that thread of hope the next day when Mr. King gave me a large envelope of discovery that supported what I had thought all alone, when he told me I was crazy."

She was studying the list of demands.  Smiling and shaking her head.  "You didn't miss much, did you?" She really  liked the demand of taking half of his frequent flier points that he had built up flying around the country. "How did you think of that one?"

"I promised Chappy eight years ago that if  he screwed around on me, I'd take him for every dime he had.  I had to think of every thing that held any value.  Frequent flier miles will allow me to go on a much needed vacation after this is over.  And his American Express points, allow me to secure accommodations while I am on that trip."  I smiled.  Every dime and then some.