Understanding This is How We do Things Here

Engagement Picture

Min was so excited about having a wedding in the church! Shortly after we announced our engagement, Easter dinner was at her sister's house.  Clem, Min's sister, had three children and had already been blessed with a grandchild, but was about to have another one.

All the men sat watching football and Clem took all the women back to the spare bedroom to show off  the baby quilt she had made.  Clem looked at me and said, "Pretty soon, you'll get one of these and Min can have her grand baby finally!"

"Sorry, that's not going to happen.  Cut dogs bare no pups, no babies coming this way." I was just being honest.  Didn't want the anticipation or questions about when are you two going to start a family, so I nipped it in the bud.

You would have thought I declared war! The women were all concerned about whether I could have a child or not and I told them I had just had a tubal ligation and Chappy and I did not want  children at all.

A week later, we are at Min's house for dinner and she lit into me! How dare I tell her siblings that I was not going to have children! They all pitied her that she would never have grand children.  Furthermore, I was not to tell anyone this bit of information.  She wasn't going to have people pity  her just because I chose to not have children.  But the icing on the cake came a few years later when she suggested I have the tubal ligation reversed.  She had made an appointment with her doctor for me to go check into this.  "Nothing would make me happier than to have you and Chappy have a baby.  Just think how adorable it would look.  And, don't worry, John Boy and I would raise it, so it wouldn't be a burden for you." She furthermore stated the vows we took did say we would welcome children into our marriage and this would allow me to live up to my vows! OY!

The look on my face must have been complete and utter amazement.  "You want me to reverse the tubal ligation that I did so that I would not bring a child into the world so that YOU can raise a child and brag to everyone that you have a grandchild?" Yes, wasn't that just so simple! She got to have grand babies and I didn't have to have a child to take care of it, she'd raise it!

Am I mistaken to think that is totally warped thinking?  I highly suggested she cancel the medical appointment and informed her that I would not be having any procedure to reverse what I had chosen to do.  I pointed her toward her own daughter and said, "If you want babies, there is your baby  making machine."

Min was flabbergasted that I did not think her idea was perfect to her dilemma.  But she also informed me that Sissy could  never live through childbirth, she was just too weak with any pain.  To bad, so sad, I'm not opening up shop again for you!

Had I known this before marriage, I might reconsider the nuptials and suggest they remove the bit about children. Maybe suggest, we'd welcome a dog or some thing along that line.

Chappy and I had to pick out a date for our wedding.  He wanted to marry as soon as we could, which was six months as we had to take our classes through the church.  That  landed us in September.  He wanted Friday, September 25, 1991. I suggested Friday, September 11, 1991.  My experience with Killer and his not remembering our anniversary of 11-1-80,  I wanted to insure Chappy would never forget 9-11.  I told him if he ever forgot it, he'd have to call 911 to save him!

He didn't want to get married on September 11, as he would not be home for his Mom's birthday on September 14 or for the Central Michigan's football game against MSU on September 12.  Are you telling me that these two events are more important than getting married? Apparently so, but we did set the date for 9-11-91.

I never had grandiose ideas for a wedding.  I didn't know that in Westphalia you were not allowed to think outside of the box either.  Tradition called for certain things to be done by certain people and that was just that. End of story.

You got your flowers from the florist in town. Some one else baked the cakes for Westphalia weddings. You rented your decorations from this person. This company did all the catering. You hired this person to bar tend.  There was no  room to use your imagination, it was set in stone as to how every thing would be done. Even to the music that was played and who played it.

Chappy and I had to meet with the Priest at St Mary's in Westphalia.  He was one of a kind, that is for sure.  Chappy didn't like him, nor did a lot of the parishioners, but he was it! During our meeting, Chappy advised him that he was going to ask Father MacDougal to marry us, the former Priest of St. Mary's.  I don't think this was looked upon too kindly, but we were told if Father MacDougal wanted to return, he was welcomed, but he was probably very busy with his own weddings.  The churches were booked for Saturday weddings, that is why we chose a Friday and Father MacDougal just happened to be free!

Our meeting with the church priest seemed to be focused on me again and my prior marriage.  I wanted to know just for my own sake, if a woman or man had been married before and had children, if the marriage was annulled, in the eyes of the church, these children would be considered bastards, "isn't that true?"  I was informed that babies are children of God and no child is a bastard.  Hmm.  I was learning all kinds of new things.  Marriages could take place, be legal outside of the church's doors, yet inside, never exist and now children could be born into a marriage that would be annulled, yet they were not considered bastards although outside of the church, they would have been.

I think what was the hardest to swallow was a Priest giving us direction on marriage.  I, again, questioning authority and having not been through all the training of the Catholic faith, had to ask, "how can you sit behind that desk and lecture me on the day to day trial and tribulations of every day marriage when you have not spent one minute in it?" 

I should have known, God's word directs those and so if you read His word, you know.  I certainly did not disrespect their religion, but living with some one day in and day out, sins were going to be committed regardless of what God's word said.  I still wasn't buying that the Priest could counsel us on matrimony.

He was quick to put me in my place though and said if I thought their beliefs were a three ring circus, I could get married else where.  Chappy shot me a look that let me know that silence is golden, in the eyes of his Mother who would not tolerate us getting married any where but here! So, I kept my thoughts and my opinions to myself, until we got outside.

Chappy had never been married.  This priest had never been married.  Who was this Church  that directed how one should live! All these rules and guidelines, I was overwhelmed to say the least.

Min didn't believe in all the sacraments of the church, but she wanted this wedding to take place in that church.  She did not believe in confession as she did not think she should confess her sins to some "man in a box to be forgiven," she would pray to God direct for that.

I had not been raised in a church, so I did not understand.  If you have a faith, shouldn't you believe in all of it and not pick out just the parts that you like and ignore the parts that do not suit you?  Still pondering that question today.

So, we had the church, we had the Priest, all the important things were on the books, now for the finer details.