You've Been Served and we aren't talking cocktails!

I continued to weaken from lack of food and a broken heart.  Chappy continued to be passive aggressive.  He wasn't making a decision to "be  happy" yet he wasn't working on the marriage either.  He sent mixed signals.  After he made this announcement on April 7, 2000 that he was unhappy, I had an appointment to have a window measured for draperies.  I told him about it and asked if I should follow through because if he wasn't "happy" and unsure of being married, no reason to spend the money.  He assured me things would work out and to go ahead with ordering them.  He knew then, he was not staying around nor had any desire to work on the issues, whatever they were.

I made plans in the event he decided one day to spring on me that he had made up his mind and was leaving.  Kick me once, shame on you, kick me twice, shame on me.  Killer taught me, prior planning prevents poor progress. I was living by those words.

I spent a considerable amount time with my girlfriend from high school that summer.  She had two children and we spent time at Lake Lanier, the water park, camp sites, any thing to keep me away from  home, I tried to participate in.  I was not going to sit there at night and have him ignore me.  He could sit there alone like I did for seven years and just see how lonely it really can be.

In mid-July, I came home from work and he was standing in the kitchen holding some envelopes.  The look on his face was of one who had very mixed emotions, almost torn between right and wrong.  He started the conversation with, he had "been told" to do  something and after he did it, he felt terrible and he was going to reverse his action, but came home and "found this  in the mail."  

"So I guess YOU want out of this marriage and all along you've been telling everyone its me!" He  threw the envelope towards me on the counter.  I had no idea what it was until I saw the return address.  F.C Tucker Realty, Indianapolis, Indiana.  The Realtor I had contacted had sent me some information about housing options in the Indianapolis area.  It's not like it was an offer on a house or closing papers, it was just informational sheets on options should I need to exercise them.

He then handed me another envelope with a very large check inside.  "What is this?" I was the one confused now.

"I was told to do this before you did.  I went to the bank today and closed all of our joint accounts.  That is half of what was in it.  I felt terrible doing it, without consulting you but then I came home and found this! I guess you've been making plans all along with out me."

I have a word, several as a matter of fact that danced on the tip of my tongue. I was trying not to bite it off.  "I wanted this?  I'm the one that announced that I was dazed and confused over being married? I am trying to do damage control and still keep it together and right now I am not holding up well, as if you haven't noticed, I've lost fifty pounds, don't eat, can't sleep and cry at the drop of a dime.  I WANT THIS? You are sadly mistaken!  Some one TOLD you to do this!  Isn't that the way it always is, you  don't do a thing without some one telling you?  Some one told you to close our accounts before I did?  It's been three fucking months and I've not touched it!  And don't you think for one moment that I'd have to have someone tell me to do it. If I wanted to do it, I'd  have done it three months ago, spent it all and left you with nothing! Don't  you go and blame this on me! How are bills going to get paid?  How do I shop for groceries? Have you thought this out?"

He just stood there.  I don't know where this boost of energy came from but I exploded! He put me in the very position that I had told him before we got married and again, expressed when he wanted me to quit working, "I do not want to be like my mother and not have money or worse yet, have to ask for it." And there I was, in this boat, that he knew was the worse possible scenario for me.  My one weak point that I had shared with him and he played that card.

"I'll pay the bills and you just tell me what you need for groceries and I'll give you the money."  

Not only did he close our accounts, he closed the Visa account as well that I charged groceries on.  I was livid! I never thought he'd stoop this low, but he drew the  line in the sand that day. You want to play underhanded, you had better "strap your panties on Alice" cause I was now officially pissed off.

He had started carrying his phone and brief case where ever he went.  Guess he figured I had discovered a few things by leaving them out in the open.  I actually found humor in it and commented to several how he carried his brief case and phone with him, even to the bathroom.  Lock them in the trunk if you are so worried that I'm going to find out your secrets, but I had to play with his mind as well.  He wasn't the only one with secrets. I was keeping a diary on his every movement. I had copies of documents to support my suspicions.  I kept them in my brief case and I too, carried it around with me.

I really didn't find much humor in things at that time of my life, but I thought this was hilarious!  He started carrying his phone with him, when I came home late one night and he didn't hear me until I was right on top of him.  He hung the phone up so fast that red flags were bursting in the air, setting off alarms that something was amiss.

"Who were you on the phone with?"

"My sister."

"Why'd you hang up so fast?"

"I didn't. We were done talking."

"You didn't say GOOD BYE?  That's quite a crime in your family, or is that just for outsiders?"

He ignored me, put his phone on the counter and walked into the family room to watch TV.  They had just invented this cute little thing that you pressed,  Star 69 and it redialed the phone to the last number!  I picked the phone up.  I was getting good at these cell phone contraptions.  Star 69, oops, not your sista, mister! Unless ya sista lives in Tampa! He came out into the kitchen, I guess I was too quiet.

"What are you doing?"

"Just confirming you lied, you weren't on the phone to Sissy were you?"

"Do you know that cost twenty five cents every time you do that?"

Yes, actually I did and his company was paying the bill.  Wonder how he explained Star 69 charges on his phone every month.  I wish I would have just stood there and kept pressing it over and over, Ka-Ching, Ka-Ching, but I was more mature than that. He started carrying the phone and I started noting when he was on the phone, in my diary.  Eventually, that paper trail was going to confirm what I already knew.

After he split the bank accounts up, there was no hope for saving this marriage.  I had shared with Bev, across the street what he had done and she told me I needed to go see an attorney.  I didn't even know where to start.  Her sister had just been divorced and she'd get the name of the attorney she used.

She came over a few mornings later to check on me and I could barely function.  She insisted that I eat and made me toast.  I have never been so weak that I could not lift a slice of toast up to my mouth and chew.  I was beyond weak, I was teetering on not being able to function.

Bev stood there and made sure I ate the toast and she drove me to work.  She would pick me up later as she had made an appointment to see this attorney. She drove me to his office and he asked me the usual questions.  He told me what I was entitled to and he wanted to file and serve Chappy papers immediately. Bev, another friend for a reason, sat there next to me as I tried to get through this process.  I don't know how I could have done it without her.

He wanted the address of where he worked to serve him, but I didn't want to embarrass Chappy and have him served.  Didn't he say we could do this civilly?  What were the options besides serving him? And it cost money to have someone served! I wasn't about to spend money if I didn't have to.

Although I had been divorced, I did not hire an attorney when Killer and I divorced.  Killer did not have me served.  The papers were drawn up, signed, stamped, sealed and filed. I got a letter about two months after the fact stating on this date, my divorce was final. So sitting there in front of this attorney was new for me.

He needed a retainer of five thousand dollars and I wrote a check from my new checking account.  First check I wrote.  He'd draw up the documents and follow through on my requests.

Bev drove me home and pulled into the driveway.  I could have walked across the street, but I really was very weak.  Chappy was standing at the top of the drive. He was home early and he was pissed.  I'm sure he wondered where I was since my car was in the garage.  The neighbors were cordial to him, but they didn't treat him like they had before this all started going down and I'm sure he sensed it.

Bev was the one who told me he left that Friday that I drove to Indianapolis with suitcases in his hands minutes after I pulled out and was gone all week.  I didn't know where until the paper trail surfaced, but I had the information documented in my diary.

He wanted to know where we had been and Bev gave him some excuse. Several weeks later, Jack  had moved out.  I worked later than normal. I usually was home by three, but that day I didn't get home until after five and it was a hot day in Atlanta.

As I drove into the neighborhood, I noticed a car setting in front of the house, the driver door open and some one's feet on the pavement.  The neighbor hood was one street that ended in Cul-De-Sacs so we didn't get a lot of traffic and no one parked on the street with the door opened, waiting.

I pulled up, looked at the man sitting in the driver's side.  Drove up the drive way and came down to retrieve the mail, this man was walking up the drive way toward me.  My first thought was "oh great, another salesman!"

"Mrs. Cindy Schafer?"

"Yes."

"You've been served." Just like that, in my own driveway, where everyone could see, he had me served. No warning. No call to tell me he'd seen an attorney. Nothing to prepare me for that moment.  Had I been smart, I would have been suspicious and just gone inside and locked the door. But I wasn't expecting this.  I was upset at first, but I was also chuckling.  He knew when I got home, so he probably had the guy waiting there for me.  He had to pay him to sit there for over two hours.  So, it cost him just a little  more to serve me. 

I had been so concerned about having him served at work and the embarrassment of it.  I guess from this point, I'd not have to worry about how he felt.