This was a very close knit family. Most of the family lived in Westphalia. They were born there, lived there and had their families there. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, in-laws, it took me a while to figure out who was who and what branch they hung from. They gathered for every holiday and occasion. When you married one, you married the whole town of Westphalia!
The immediate family was small compared to the siblings of Min. John Boy's family lived in St. Johns, but they were not close. How could you be, if you were part of this clan that demanded your time at every family function.
Min had a daughter, Sissy and a son, Chappy. She had had several other children that she had lost during pregnancy, but she would have had a house full is she could have. Sissy was nine when Chappy was born, so she took to him like a baby doll and mothered him. He also had a mother though who was very active in his life from the day he popped out of the toaster.
They had a pool at their house that all the kids gathered to play in. She practiced throwing the softball with her son, she played basketball, she watched sports, she did whatever Chappy was into because this was her "chappy." His bedroom in their home had not been touched since the day he had left for college over ten years ago, but Sissy's room had been remodeled and changed.
I knew how much Chappy and Min cared for one another and I knew nothing would make this woman happier if we visited often. I made it a point to always go out there on Sunday's to visit after he had introduced me to the family and we were engaged. He didn't want to go all the time, there was a lot of pressure being the Chappy of Min, but inside, I knew she needed to see more of him. As the wedding date approached she changed. She was realizing she was going to lose her Chappy to a wife and her life would change.She would no longer be his number one. Little did she know the day she told me this, I knew, she'd always be his number one.
She wrote me the nicest letter after we were engaged to tell me how she saw her Chappy transform when Cindy Marie entered the picture. He had had girl friends, but none had touched his heart like Cindy Marie and she asked that I always protect that heart as though it were my own.
Our time at their house was always filled with food, Euchre, card games, board games or visits to the casino. Min and John Boy loved to gamble! We never did any thing without a bet on the table be it a dime, quarter or dollar, there was always money involved.
We generally went to Mass Saturday evenings, on our way to the casino in Mount Pleasant. I had a hard time accepting this concept. People didn't dress up for church anymore. They came in jeans and casual clothes. Once mass was over, it was party time. We'd head to the casino with a cooler full of beer. Every body drinking and driving except for me. Once we got to the casino the rule was two hours. After two hours, we'd pack ourselves in the van like sardines, start drinking and drive back to Westphalia for cards and more gambling.
Min's children were not big gamblers. I was not a gambler at all. Min taught me poker on the slots machines and would make fun of me because I'd only put a quarter in, one at a time and scream with glee when I won my quarter back. She told me I was not going to win money that way, "you have to prime the pump, talk to your machine..." and she'd start in. She'd drop five quarters in that slot, her eyes gleaming with excitement, just knowing she was going to hit the jackpot! She'd sit there for a few seconds and rub the side of the machine and talk to it, introduce herself like they were long lost friends. I couldn't believe my eyes the first time I witnessed this. Did the smoke filled money pit, suck her brain out of her skull? Damn the luck if she won more times than not.
She made me put in five quarters. She assured me this was the only way to win. I protested! That was $1.25 that she expected me to drop in this shiny change chomper. She didn't understand that in my youth, that was over two week's allowance! I just couldn't do the five quarters and so she'd leave and I'm sure she thought I was a lightweight for not having the balls to drop my money into a pit.
I preferred to people watch. My first time to the casino I witnessed an older woman in the bathroom beside herself. She had just been paid her social security for the month, over $900. and within hours she had lost it at the slot machines. I thought it was so sad that she had blown every thing she had for the month and would probably be back there next month reliving her nightmare.
We always had fun when we visited Chappy's parents, but there was a price to be paid and it didn't matter if you were a child or an in-law, you would pay that price.
Tina Marie decided it was time to move out. I don't know what happened, but there was some disagreement. I remember it was April 30, 1992 and she took off for the Moose Lodge where her parents hung out. She hated the Moose, but she ended up there that night and met her future husband, Roberto.
She soon found an apartment over off Canal Road. I had asked her to be my maid of honor. I could think of no one else who would honor that spot next to me besides her. She was the best friend I had ever had and I knew we'd be friends for life, no matter what may come between us, we'd get over it and move on.
In late May, the family went out to celebrate Sissy's husband's birthday. His name was Wes and he was from Canada. He was a drinker and fit right into this family. He drove semi for McDonald's and loved being a trucker. He was perfect for Sissy as he put up with her baloney and childish ways, but at some point you have to draw the line.
We went to the Airport bar that night and I ended up sitting next to Wes. He'd had a few before we headed out to dinner so he was primed. He sat next to me and I knew that he and Sissy were having marital problems, perhaps that is how he ended up next to me and she ended up next to Chappy.
Everyone was talking at the far end of the table and there I sat next to Wes. He had taken a straw wapper and dripped some beer on it. The paper soaked up the beer and he made some lewd remark to me about women and wetness. I was never so happy to get out of that spot. We all hopped in the van and headed over to my house to play cards. He had taken to calling Sissy, Beaver. She was too naive to understand it was an insult. Sissy had an weight problem and Wes always made fun of her. As she got out of the van that night he declared he saw a total eclipse. Total blackness. Everyone laughed except for Sissy and I. I was behind Wes trying to get out of the van and I was not happy with the events of the evening so far. He held the front door open for me, I was the last one to enter and he slapped my ass as I walked through the door. I knew I was in for one helluva night.
We all came inside and I made snacks, poured drinks and we sat down to play cards. I ended up next to Wes again. John Boy to the left of me, Wes to the right, Sissy and Chappy across the table from me.
Wes started playing footsie with me and then got a little more daring by placing his hand on my thigh. I warned him under my breath to knock it off, but he kept it up. He had had too much to drink, but I was not going to tolerate this behavior. I kept warning him, pushing his hand away and finally without even thinking about it, I hauled off and slapped him across the face, not gently, but hard and I got up and told them they needed to all leave.
Min and John Boy were so surprised and Sissy was beside herself. Chappy looked at me in disbelief, did his future bride just haul off and slap his brother-in-law for no good reason? Wes, didn't say a thing. Every one was on full alert though over my actions.
When every one was gone, I told Chappy what had happened. He had noticed me whispering to Wes all night long, but did not give it any thought. He didn't doubt one word I said and we talked about how we were going to handle this. Sissy would be devastated.
Chappy thought it was best to tell Min and let her provide us with some direction. I didn't think this was a good idea, but an explanation was due given my physical action that night.
He called his mom the next day and told her we wanted to come out and visit her, talk about what had happened. We did and it was no surprise to her as well, but Sissy was having trouble in the marriage and this would throw her over the edge. Min said she'd take care of it and get back to us.
She called Wes out first to the house to talk to him and she told him she knew what had happened. He didn't deny it but he "was drunk." As if that would resolve the problem. She wanted to hear Wes's side of the story before she spoke to her daughter. She then had to break the news to Sissy.
Sissy was livid. She thought I was making this up to make Wes appear to look bad in the eyes of Min. I understood she was defending her husband, but I still did not like the way I had been treated that night.
A week later, I was home with the flu. I felt miserable. Tina Marie had moved out and Chappy was there taking care of me. A knock was heard at the front door and Chappy went to answer it.
His sister, this meek, mild woman, had grown balls as she walked in my house and accused me of coming onto her husband. I was in the back room, too tired to even care that she was there, but she started throwing out these accusations and Chappy just stood there watching the crossed words exchanged between us. He never said a word and his sister's words were off center and biting. Wes just stood behind her, hiding in the shadows as his wife fought his battle.
I told her I wasn't going to talk to her about this and she needed to leave. Chappy was quiet. He wasn't sure what to think. He was torn between defending his fiancee or whether he should side with his sister. He preferred to have his mom take care of this so he didn't have to.
I told him that night that I would not go to Min's house anymore if Wes was going to be there. And, Wes could no longer be an usher in our wedding party. I was too uncomfortable around him and I knew he would not give up the drink, so it would be best if I just stayed clear of him. Min was not happy,but she agreed, it was best for everyone as Sissy was devastated.
All summer as we prepared for our wedding, our paths never crossed. We always made sure if we were going to visit, Sissy and Wes were not there. Sissy had no idea that this was all pre-planned, she just thought we had been busy and not able to come out when they were there. That is what we all wanted her to think while she worked on her own problems in her marriage.
It was not until the day of the wedding that she found out the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This whole incident put a black cloud over our plans for the wedding. In the end, Min told me that I had to stop playing the "victim" and make things right for her daughter. I was tearing her family apart. I will never forget that day in January 1993, as we sat in her kitchen and she lectured me to man up and move on, I was bigger than this and I'd have to get over Wes's indiscretion. She was not going to have her family pulled apart just because I couldn't handle Wes. I knew then that I was family on paper, but paper could be destroyed.
The thoughts that wander through my mind. Some have suggested I write a book. I think I'll blog first
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