I had planned my first party as an adult. I love to entertain and it was something that I would not have been able to do if I stayed with Killer. The most I entertained there was at Christmas one year and he was not happy about having my family over.
My party was on November 7, 1987. I had invited several people from work that I had gotten to know through training. I had spent several weeks preparing for it. It was a "Night in Italy." I spent several days melting candles over wine bottles for decorations. I had my little piece of heaven looking like a little cheap Italian diner. I baked lasagna. I had bread sticks, wine, salad and cannoli's for dessert. We played Outburst and I had door prizes for my guests based on little events throughout the evening.
I had never thrown a party before so I wasn't sure how much of a success it would be, but I was thrilled at the end of the evening when two of the younger guests had told me it was the best party they had been to and when would I throw another one.
Michael and I had on chef hats and mustaches as we greeted our guest to our "Night in Italy," It was fun, but my mind was still on Halloween Night. Michael was trying desperately to make up for his accusation that evening. I was growing tired of the eruptions of jealousy and then quickly returning to apologize.
It had only been a week but I was still disappointed in his behavior to be so distrusting of me. I had never given him a reason to not trust me, if anything, I told him more than I would normally share because of his insecurity over Killer.
After the party, I had to sit down with him and tell him that this just wasn't going to work for me. I hated to feel the tension in my stomach questioning my every move wondering if he would be jealous that I spoke to someone or laughed at a man's joke. I didn't want to be controlled like that and he was unpredictable when it came to his reactions over my behavior.
He was not happy. How could I say this after having such a wonderful night together. He reminded me of all the fun we had and every thing we had in common. I reminded him of all the times he held me hostage in the car lecturing me on my life and how I should live it. Yes, it happened more than just on my birthday. If we headed to the boat and he was not happy about the way I looked at some one, I'd hear about it the entire trip!
We had sat in a causal restaurant one night just for dinner. Nothing special. Wasn't dressed up, just sitting in a booth minding my own business. Apparently a man walked in and passed our booth. He looked at me. He and his guest sat behind us, or so I was told and he kept looking over at our table. I would not know this as my back was to them. I didn't even acknowledge they walked by the table. The man kept getting up to go to the bathroom and was looking at me. On his way back, I am assuming after several visits, because again, I had not noticed him before, I looked up and smiled BACK at him.
He was coming back from the restroom! I just happened to look up and he was looking at me, nodded his head and smiled. I smiled back and all hell broke loose! I was flirting!
First, it is a rare moment that you will not see a smile on my face. It is a rare moment that you will not see me laughing. Back then, in 1987, I was still getting used to being able to order my own food at a restaurant and talk to a waiter! Now I was expected to tilt my head down and not look at anyone for fear I might be flirting with them?
What was it with these men? I dated boys my age and they were immature and undecided in life. So, I dated men, married a man much older who turned into a control freak and now Michael was turning into this control monger as well. Where was the happy medium that I so desperately needed? Or was this just the other species?
I was not jumping from the frying pan into the fire, that is for sure. I asked Michael to leave that night and I avoided him so that he would get the message that I was not going to accept this behavior any more.
I shut the answering machine off, but if you let it ring ten times, it automatically turned on and he'd leave messages. I unplugged the answering machine. I didn't have anyone I wanted to talk to or hear from.
But, I did not have that luxury at work. Michael started calling the office nonstop. I was not in training at the time, so I was at my desk to answer the phone and we did not have caller ID. My office was right next to my boss's and I did not want to be overheard discussing my personal business at work.
Fortunately, some one noticed my frustration and asked if they could help. She has been the best friend I have ever had, even to this day.
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