It's the Same Ole, Same Ole Dance

I will never fully understand the movement of a relationship, the dance between humans that is finely orchestrated like a game of chess. The roles played by one another can change throughout the relationship whether it is with family, friends or a romantic bond. It can be as smooth as a waltz or as intense as a gritty tango. 

Neal moved on about the hug, but it was never forgotten. He was a nice guy.  Everyone liked him, but he was passive-aggressive and you  never knew when his passiveness would turn. Just when you thought every thing was fine, he'd throw that "hug" on the table as a "you did that" thing to justify his actions.  I wasn't going to buy into this and so I started to  ignore him.

I came home one day to my little piece of heaven and there on the doorstep was a dozen roses and a card with the most heartfelt apology one could imagine being written by a man.  

I had been going to Neal's soft ball games twice a week and became the official stat keeper. Neal had asked me to come watch him play a few weeks after the season started.  As I sat on the bleachers filling the form out with each play, the "Coach" called me Kristy. I corrected him and said my name was Cindy.  Neal was in the outfield.  I looked puzzled and asked the "Coach" who is Kristy? Without batting an eye, he responded with an apology and a quick explanation.

Kristy had held this position the previous year and as late as the first of the season.  It clicked. Kristy  had been coming to his games and some thing happened that she stopped and he asked me to come.  I continued keeping the stats, but when Neal came in from the outfield, he sensed I was quiet, which generally meant, I was processing.

"What's up?" he said, like nothing was  wrong in his little world.

"Why didn't you tell me Kristy had been coming to your games this year?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal.  She kept the stats last year and just showed up this year at the beginning of the season."

"And you did not find that to be odd? Since the two of you were  no longer an item?"

My mind racing as I recalled the weeks prior when he wouldn't come home right after the game and then the week he was at my little piece of heaven within minutes after the game finished.

"So you were seeing her at the game and after the game? After you told me it was over between the two of you?"

"We may have gone to dinner a few times after the game."

"And you did not feel it was necessary to just inform me of this date? It's not like I have ever told  you that you couldn't see her.  I've always been supportive, but now you are sneaking around."

And here it comes, "It's not like I hugged the salesman when I bought a car."

How do those two things even compare? I handed him the  clipboard and got up from the bleachers.

"At least you knew about the hug and I did it in front of you, you on the other hand are playing behind my back and I won't tolerate this from you. We've been down this road before and I'm not traveling it again." I walked away and headed to  my little piece of heaven, alone.

I wouldn't answer the phone.  I didn't return messages that he left at work. I refused to answer my door when he came knocking, so he left the flowers and a card three weeks later, and then he called.

I wasn't committed to this relationship. It was too early and we had a past.  Inside I was looking for a commitment from him to support that he had changed, but his actions only proved that he had not.

I was moving forward and nothing was going to hold me down, especially a man who was insecure and indecisive about his wants and needs.  I was twenty nine.  He was thirty. We were no longer kids.