The Last Good Bye

Are there days that you were present, but you only remember bits and pieces of it? I remember getting dressed for the viewing and Jackie not approving of what I was wearing.  I had on a black dress that was beautiful, but it had a split up the side.  It wasn't one that went up to my navel, it came up to above my knee and if I was standing, it wasn't that noticeable, but she thought it was in poor taste, the split. I didn't. I wasn't trashy looking. I looked very nice and in comparison to many who were there, I don't think any one noticed it. But to think that I would wear some thing in poor taste to my husband's viewing was just the beginning of a day that was going to be filled with moments like this.

I would meet a lot of people through out the day.  Family that I had not met yet, friends from high school, some I had met at Bill's thirtieth reunion, co-workers, but there were a few people that I had no expectation of meeting ever, that showed up.

Bill had dated a woman when he lived in St. Louis.  It was not a long term relationship, but he had a restraining order against her as she had taken Nikki on an unauthorized trip.  Neither of the girls cared for her and Donna was instrumental in getting the restraining order along with Bill.  So imagine my surprise when she showed up at the viewing!  The girls had called her and she had driven from St. Louis to Greencastle to attend the viewing.  And this shouldn't be alarming either, Donna and the girls were quite chummy with her, taking her up to the casket.  I can only imagine what Bill was thinking as he looked down on this circus.

They called his former wife as well.  Another woman they despised and she had mutual feelings for all of them as well.  Again, death makes you do crazy things.  There were two viewings that day, one in the mid afternoon and again in the early evening.  People had brought food for us and it was in the back room of the funeral home, in a make shift kitchen.

I hadn't eaten and was a little hungry, so I headed back there shortly after the second viewing started up.  I was enjoying the solitude of the moment when a group of people came in the room, laughing and carrying on.  It did not surprise me to see Donna and her posse coming in to help themselves to a bite to eat.  I can understand as the mother of the children who just lost their father, being there to support them, but I did not understand her bringing her "married boyfriend" and his relatives.  Bill did not care for any of them.

He had been upset with Donna just prior to being diagnosed.  She had come into the restaurant around the holidays, dressed shabbily and spouting off with her mouth.  He was embarrassed when his staff asked who she was.  He had been called up to the hostess desk and found her standing there in sweat pants and looking like she needed a mirror to fix her hair.  She was talking loudly about his "new girlfriend."  Apparently some of her friends had been into the restaurant and saw his girlfriend sitting at the bar, drunk and acting disorderly.  I had to laugh and so did Bill when he told me, as I don't drink at all.  And, his staff knew me, I was there every Friday night around nine for a bite to eat before I headed to his house to do his laundry.  So, I wasn't really happy with her over that, but also how she acted at the house the night Bill died.

I told Bill's family that I had been kind to ask her to come to the house during his illness, but she was not allowed to attend the funeral.  Bill and Donna had no love for one another and I knew he wouldn't want her there.

I spoke to his brother, Ned and he said he'd take care of it, but when he approached her, she told him he had no right to say that to her.  Several people knew how  I felt and they spoke to her,  but were given the same response.  My cousin approached her and she was not going to make this easy.  I spoke to the funeral director and informed him of the situation, asking for  his assistance, but was told it was a public building and they could not keep people out or ask people to leave.  I was praying that she'd have a change of heart.  I had suggested that she wait in the vestibule for her daughters, I just didn't want her in the room during the service.

Ashley was certainly not behaving like a grieving daughter, she had asked a friend, who happened to be a boy to the visitation, I had never met him or heard of him, but they were dancing and carrying on it the hall just outside of the room Bill was in.  I couldn't understand why Donna didn't suggest she have a little more respect for the situation we were all placed in.  Young children, toddlers, I can understand they don't comprehend the experience, but a fourteen year old?  She should understand the disrespect she displayed by her actions that day as friends and family gathered to pay their last respects.

I don't know why I feel this way.  Perhaps it is because I was raised to respect certain aspects of life.  Being quite and respectful when inside a church.  Being respectful to those resting in a hospital or those who have died and the loved ones mourning them.  I'm not saying you can't laugh and have fun reminiscing, but dancing and acting crazy is just rude.

The day of the funeral, there was a viewing just before the service.  My parents did not come back up for the service.  I didn't expect them to, it is just who they are.  My family, Jackie, Mike, Tina and Bob were there like they always are.  

Sisters- Jonnan, Cindy and Anita

My girlfriend, Patty came.  A few people who I would have never expected to drive out for the funeral, were there for me.  It meant a lot to have those I love near me.  People were filing in for the service.  There was a room off to the side for family, to allow them privacy to mourn, out of the eye of those who were just acquaintances.  Poppy and his wife, Betty sat in the room, in the front row.  Others were scattered through out the room.  I had the best intentions to sit with the family, but at the last minute, I had to take care of business myself, for Bill, for he not only told me what to expect of his siblings, but his former wife and children.

Donna and the girls sat down in the front row in the room that held friends and some family.  The girls were teary eyed and when I turned to see Donna sitting down in the front row next to them, I had to take care of what others couldn't do.

I was talking to Tina when I noticed her enter the room.  I thought maybe she was just going to see that the girls were seated or to direct them to the family room so they could sit with the others, but she sat down and I excused myself.  I can still hear Tina, "Cindy....." she was trying to hold me back, but I am one determined woman.

Everyone was seated, we were minutes from the service beginning.  The second row of people, directly behind where Donna and the girls sat, were Bill's staff from the restaurant.  I'm sure they were going to enjoy this.

I stepped up to where they sat and knelt down to speak softly to Donna.  I had no intention of making a scene, I was just letting her know that while she had not listened to others, I was not afraid to speak directly to her.

I leaned in as I didn't want everyone to hear what I was about to say, the girls leaned in as well, like I was going to share a secret among the four of us.

"Donna, I have had several people ask you to refrain from attending this service and you have disrespected my wishes.  You disrespected my wishes when I invited you into my home and I let it go, but today, I'm not going to be that nice.  So, I will ask you again, please leave.  You may stand in the back of the room, but I'd prefer that you stood in the vestibule until the service is over."

She was a Tiger protecting her babies, "I have every right to be here as much as you do and I am here for my daughters."  By now Ashley and Nikki had crocodile tears streaming down their checks.

"I am going to ask you once more, please stand at the back of the room or step outside until the service is over.  You are not welcomed to sit in the front row, you lost that privilege years ago.  There is  no love lost between you and Bill, so leave.  He didn't want  you here, he didn't want you at the hospital and he didn't want you in our  home, so today, I'm asking you for Bill, leave."

She started to get an attitude with me. I was glancing over her shoulder at all the people who were seated, waiting for the ceremony to begin.  "The hospice nurse told me I should be with my girls to support them and that is what I am going to do."

John, Jonnan, Ned, Cindy, Anita & Matthew

"Well, this is a first, if you feel  that strongly, than all of you can step to the back row, because YOU are not sitting here!"

Ashley was begging me to let her mom stay, but I was not giving in.  Donna finally stood up, she walked partially up the aisle and turned with some sarcastic, biting remark and she continued to the back of the room, turning once more to have the last word.  I was standing at the time, in front of everyone that was there for Bill.  The words that could have cut her off at the knees, dancing on the tip of my tongue, but I'd have had to say it so everyone could hear my response to her comments and I was above her on many levels.

I watched her walk out of the room and knelt in front of the girls again, "you can go over and sit with the family if you need support, or you can sit here with me." They sat there with me.  

Poppy and Betty were upset that I told Donna she had to leave.  They didn't like Donna, but history was repeating itself again, as some thing very similar had happened when Bill's mother died and Betty had been the other woman.  I didn't care.  I knew how Bill felt about this woman and I was not going to allow her to sit in the front row to "mourn" him.  Her behavior the last several weeks was pathetic.  I did not need more drama with her attendance and the theatrics she and her children could create.

Within minutes, the group hushed and the service began.  I was agitated that I had to address this woman, but I would not allow her to run the show, it was not hers to run.  I remember so little about what was said that day as my mind was on all the drama, Donna, the girls, Poppy, just once, could someone think about the man who we were there to say goodbye to and realize if he were alive, he would have done the same thing.

Poppy and Cindy

The minister said some kind words.  Bill's brother gave a wonderful tribute to his brother, I can't remember it as my mind was elsewhere, but I do remember it was touching, but the last person who stood up to share a memory of Bill, shocked all of us.

Nikki wanted to speak. I don't know if she had prepared this or if this was off the cuff, but I swear, as she spoke, I saw Bill raise up in the casket and slap his forehead!

Her boyfriend was sitting in the family room. She faced him and she spoke about how much her father loved him and how happy her dad was that she had "found the one."  Her whole eulogy was about her boyfriend, not her father.  Bill despised this young man and yet, if you didn't know, you'd have thought he was going to give her away that day at his funeral.  I sat there in disbelief.  She couldn't be saying this.  She wasn't sharing memories of her father, she was trying to convince everyone that Bill really respected her boyfriend.

She finished and sat down. I have to give Seth credit, he knew his place and it was not in the room.  He sat way back in the corner where no one could see him, but Nikki knew he was there.   They asked if anyone else wanted to speak, I honestly thought about getting up and saying, "The last five minutes that you just heard from Bill's daughter, bull shit!" But, I have a little more class than that.  Just remember, nicest person in the world, until you screw me.

Everyone left. There would be  no graveside service.  The family was going to his Aunt Carolyn's house for a meal afterwards.  We all gathered around the casket to say goodbye.  I had placed all the Valentine cards I had given to him and the one I had intended on giving him that day, inside his casket.  We placed Chex Mix in a plastic bag inside, it was one of Bill's favorite snacks that he loved to make.  We put little remembrances inside his casket so he'd have some thing  to entertain him. I stood there alone, looking down at him for the last time.  Talking to him in my mind. "Can you believe it?  What a day!  I love you, Winkie."  I reached out to touch his hand one more time.  I wanted to stay there a little longer, alone, but there were people waiting for me.  I was saying good bye to the love of my life when his daughter, Nikki came up beside me, "My mom wants to know when the Will is going to be read?"  Timing. It all boils down to timing.  Donna had to know before the casket was closed, what was in it for the girls.

"You tell your mom, this isn't a fucking movie where we gather around the fireplace and read the Will.  Your Dad filed bankruptcy, he had nothing.  You and Ashley get forty percent each of nothing.  You're  in college, I'm sure you can read the Will yourself without having some one read it to you.  I'm not discussing this with you right now."  And I walked away, disgusted that they had no sorrow just greed inside of them.