Falling in Love, it's such a wonderful feeling

Words will never be able to express the love I had for this man. I, myself, had never felt so comfortable with someone as I did with my Bill. Within three weeks of meeting him face to face, I was so smitten for this soul that brought peace to mine.

He knew about my cruise and that I always went to Florida for Christmas. In mid October he came over to my home and we went through my photo albums, learning more about each others life.  He suggested that I stay home for Christmas "with a family."  I was quick to point out that I did not have "family" to stay home for, my only family was in Florida. Did he want me to find a needy family and stay home with them?  I was joking around and making light of his suggestion, he knew what my past Christmas's had been like with Min and "family."

He wanted me to stay home for him and be a part of "his" family. Without hesitation, I said I would. He encouraged me to call him any time, day or night, at home or at work, he was there for me and he asked me if there was any thing that I needed to know about him, I should  not hesitate to ask, he wanted to know what was on my mind always.  I've kept journals all of my life, that is why I can remember so much, that evening I came home and wrote about our conversation. He wondered what was on my mind but I was afraid to share that I was falling in love and it felt wonderful. It was too early to be feeling this way, but I felt like I had known him forever.

That weekend, my parents came to town, they were on their way to Florida for the winter.  Both noticed the changed in their daughter through phone calls and when they saw me, they saw a woman they had never seen before, one that was just beaming with love. The first night they were there, Bill called and we spoke briefly.  He said he missed me and that I should be there snuggling with him.  He shared, what I was feeling, "We should just be together. I don't like being apart  from you."  I couldn't leave though, my parents had just arrived.

The next evening, Bill came over.  My Mother had told me years before that she didn't want to meet my "boyfriends." She is not comfortable meeting new people, so she is sharp with her tongue to put a distance between us.  Had I told her that he was coming, she would have worried every second between that  moment and the moment he walked in the door, so I waited and about an hour before he was to arrive with dinner from Smokey Bones, I told her.

I had been sharing with her every thing I knew about him and she had to see that I was over the moon about this  man.  She mumbled some words as she got up to get ready to meet the man of my dreams.

Bill was quiet. He was soft spoken. But once you got to know him, he was humorous and fun to be with.  He could be reserved, he didn't want to share his burdens with you, he wanted to lift you up and support you, no matter what he faced himself that day. He was the host with the most. We were great together. We complimented each other, his weakness were my strengths and vice versa.  

He brought a buffet of food for dinner and laid it all out on the counter.  My parents enjoyed the spread, they had never had Smokey Bones before, so it was new for them. We played cards, chatted, but he had to leave as he had an early morning.

I missed him.  With my parents here, I couldn't take off and spend the hours we were able to sneak in  before, given our schedules. The next night he called and we spoke on the phone briefly, he kept telling me how cute and adorable I was and how I belonged next to him.  I hung up and my dad suggested that I go, "You belong together, go see him, your mom and I will be OK."

I drove over to his house and surprised him. Being with him was like slipping into your favorite sweatshirt on a brisk fall day, sliding your cold foot in to a warm, worn slipper, he comforted my soul, he brought inner peace to my spirit. He loved me unconditionally.

My parents were there for a week. We met Bill and his youngest daughter for a movie and dinner.  As they left, my father gave me a hug and said, "I've never seen you so happy.  I'm so glad you have found Bill." Me too.

Bill came over that night after work, we sat in the hot tub and he noticed a garden gnome, wondering where I had gotten it.  I told  him Ray had given it to me because he thought I needed someone to watch over me.  Bill said he would watch over me, the garden gnome was no longer necessary.   Bill and Ray had met.  I had shared with Bill my stories of Ray.  Ray was at the house finishing up the last list I had for him when Bill came over.  I wasn't home at the time, but the stories both shared with me, were of two men who loved a woman and did not want to see her hurt.  Each claiming their territory, but only one able to carry through with his promise.

Ray called to tell me  he had met "my Bill."  I had spoken to him several times as he was still employed by me.  He said he had  noticed a difference in the way I spoke and the way I looked, "Are you falling in love with him?" he asked one day so casually yet with a wounded heart.

"Yes. He is the man you told me I'd meet one day. He is every thing you shared and I am feeling what you told me I would.  I  can't believe I doubted you."

"You look so happy, happier than I've seen you in two years, Miss Cindy. You just glow. I had always hoped I would have been that man to make you happy, but I met you too late in life."

"Ray, you lifted me up when I didn't have the strength to get off the ground. You gave me hope that one day I'd meet a man who would steal my heart and you showed me that not all men are assholes, in your own ways, you made me happy and I will never forget you, ever."

I didn't see much of him afterwards.  We spoke a few times on the phone, but he had started working for the heart doctor again who had divorced and had a new wife and baby.

I was headed to Springfield, Missouri to spend the weekend with my girlfriend, Mary. I had met her through my work. She was an attorney that we utilized for our files in the State of Missouri. We  hit it  off from the first time we spoke on the phone and have remained friends since. I missed him so much when I was gone, but I was home in a couple of days and had scored tickets to see Tim Conway and Harvey Korman at the Murat, again, courtesy of Joe.

Whenever we were apart, whether it was due to our work schedules or other obligations, we couldn't wait to see one another. Bill could call me late in the evening after getting home from work, tell me he had a roaring fire and I should be sitting next to him enjoying it and within minutes, I had a bag packed and the dog and I were headed to his house.

It struck me that I refused to go to Jeff's house.  I refused to let him have any thing at my house. I wouldn't stay at his house because his son was there, but with Bill? I'd drive to his house at the drop of a suggestion. I'd spend the weekend with his youngest daughter staying there. There was no hesitation, I would go to the end of the Earth for this man and not question or doubt him for a moment.

I had asked Bill to go on the cruise.  It was paid for, all we needed to do was take the time from work, but this was his first Thanksgiving in his new home and he wanted to have his family over for dinner but he wanted me to stay home with him. It was too late to cancel my cruise without a very stiff penalty, no refund and no option to transfer the monies to a future cruise. I was torn but it was important to him that I stay home for the holidays and so I did.  I never regretted it and later, I wondered if a higher power was not talking to me, telling me that my time was going to be very limited with this man I loved so much.