Bill gave me my first birthday card. I used to be a big card freak. Always sending cards for no reason. I should own Hallmark given all the money I invested for years and I am surprised they have not gone bankrupt since I am no longer a Golden Crown Hallmark Card carrying maniac. He had given me one card that was cute and funny, but inside that card was one that touched my heart.
He sent me beautiful flowers to the office. Dinner was at Outback Steak House, the restaurant that we met at and he made arrangements that we sit in the same booth. We had a wonderful dinner and headed back to his house. I didn't want to do anything, just spend time with him, so we rented movies and snuggled on the couch. He bought me a tanning package and a bunch of little things that were just me. And a pooper scooper from Precious. He was so great at picking out gifts, but the best gift he ever gave me, was himself, the love this man showered me with, was the best.
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| Birthday Greeting |
We used to do crazy fun things. One night as we sat at my house, I was at the kitchen bar working on something and he sat on the couch, I made a paper airplane with a note written at the top, "What I Love About You" and I wrote, "I love that you always reach for my hand when we are together." I flew it across the room to him, he opened it, smiled and wrote a note, folding the paper back up and flying it back my way. His response, "Love your laugh and sense of humor that always make me smile." I wrote, "I love how I feel when I am with you. I feel very comfortable and relaxed cause you let me be me." and he flew back the message, "I love that I have found the piece that has always been missing...you." I couldn't top that for he was the piece that was missing from my life as well.
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| Airplane Love |
Bill wasn't a saint, he had his moments, but those moments were far and few in between. He was notorious for making plans to take a trip and backing out at the last minute, leaving me to explain why he wasn't with me. I have to admit, I saw Chappy in him at times. He was very dedicated to his work, but after we had been together for a year, he talked about quitting the restaurant business. He was tired of it. The job was 24/7. I can not tell you the number of times the phone rang in the wee hours of the morning because the alarm was going off and he had to go to the restaurant to meet the fire department. Or he'd have the day off and the assistant managers would call with something that he had to go in and take care of. He wanted the freedom to take a day off and not have that responsibility, but he'd been in the restaurant business forever and he wasn't sure what he could do, but we talked about it a lot.
In March 2004, he struggled with an issue and he didn't want to tell me. I had already sensed some thing was amiss. I was at his house one day and had the garage open. He was at work. I was cleaning the kitchen and taking out trash. The garage was just open and I had the door from the garage going into the kitchen opened. This car kept driving by and stopping at the curb, taking notes and every time I came around where I could see them, they took off. I thought it was odd, so I called Bill at work. "Do you know anyone who drives a red Taurus, older man, partially balding, late 50's?"
"No, why?"
"He keeps driving by here and stopping in front of the house, looking in the garage but every time he sees me, he takes off. Weird huh?" Perhaps he knew what was going on, I was clueless.
But the day came that he was in a funk and I had no idea why, so I asked. His response was a bit startling as he told me I couldn't fix all his problems! Wow, didn't see that one coming at all! Hadn't tried to fix a thing, he was pretty perfect in my book. He said that he didn't have any money and he couldn't afford to even buy a gallon of paint to paint a room. He as robbing Peter to pay Paul and although he didn't have much debt, his "former" wife was costing him a fortune. I asked him what he needed, I'd write a check and I should have known, a man's pride is some times the only thing left for them to hang on to. He told me he didn't need my money and he was not pleasant when he said it. I left and went home. I didn't need to be spoken to like that. I was trying to help him. He called me to apologize and I told him about my divorce settlement. He had no idea. "What is mine is yours, if you need money, I have it to give, just let me know."
I drove back over to the house and we sat talking about what he wanted and needed. He wanted to build a deck on the house, but didn't have the money. I asked him how much. He told me he thought it would run fifteen hundred dollars. I wrote a check. If this was going to make him happy, I didn't care. He loved putting that deck together. He had spent months prior to this drawing the plans out and to watch him build it and see it come to life was worth every penny I could give him.
He said he was two months behind on his mortgage, ask and you will receive, wrote a check. I wanted him to have peace of mind and to not worry. I asked if there was any thing else he needed and he just thanked me for what I did. It was no big deal, but the relief on his face was unbelievable.
It was almost a year later that I discovered the "mortgage payment" while it may have been to pay the mortgage, he needed the money to end his divorce. Within a week or so after I wrote that check, his divorce was final, but I didn't know this until we were applying for our own marriage license.
I had thought his divorce was final, but he was still dealing with it seven months into our relationship and I'm not sure how long before that, but it had to have been awhile.
It was making sense to me now, the bills that remained sealed in the mail, the man driving by the house looking in the garage, the promises to pay me back, it was clear, he was struggling and he asked me for help that day.
We spoke about commitment that week. I wanted someone who was there through thick and thin and I had never had any one like that. We both agreed that was what we had been searching for and never found. He promised to tell me if he needed help. He knew I'd never leave him, no matter what, I was there for the long haul.
In June, I had a business trip to Lake of the Ozarks. He was taking time off to go with me. It was such a great trip. We drove over a day early and went shopping in Branson. He had told me several times about these sunglasses that he once owned, Maui Jim's, he loved them, but he was flying some where and laid them down, losing them. He took me to the Sunglass Shack to show me the ones that he had once owned. He looked so nice in them, but the price tag was a bit steep. We walked on, window shopping and I told him I had wanted to go look at something in a store we had just passed, he was headed to the bathroom. I returned to the Sunglass Shack and bought the glasses for him.
When we met up, I told him that I had gone back to the Sunglass Shack and was the 500th customer that day and "Look, I won a prize!" Handing him the bag, a smile so wide on his face, that when he opened it and saw his Maui Jim's he was just like a kid in a candy store! He could not stop thanking me. I was just happy to see him smile.
On our way home we talked about getting married and where we might want to do this. We wanted to be married on a beach. Churches had not been the ideal place for our previous weddings. I had frequent flier miles from my divorce and we could fly to Hawaii free. That was our plan, to get married in Hawaii, on a beach. We talked about buying another house, keeping the ones we had as rental units. We'd been looking at model homes just for fun, but where would we live, we were talking about our future, laying it out and dreaming.
I dropped him off at his house. Our trip was so fun and we didn't want it to end. The kids were there. He had let his oldest drive his convertible for the week and it was in the garage with the door open. I drove home. It was a half an hour drive at the max and as I walked in the phone was ringing. He was not himself, upset and almost unable to talk. I asked what was wrong and he told me "they" took my car. "I'll be right there." I hung up and headed back to see if he was OK and how I could help.
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