Hawaii Bound

I had wanted to go to Hawaii for years.  When Chappy and  I divorced, I demanded  half of his frequent flier points and was awarded same.  I figured since he flew so much to be away from me, I should at least benefit from that. Most airlines charge you twenty five thousand points for one free ticket. I had enough for two free tickets and have points left over, or so I thought, to fly to Hawaii, the ticket was fifty thousand points. I exchanged my points for a free ticket for me and the rest of the points so Tanya could get a discounted ticket.

A regular ticket was going to run about sixteen hundred dollars, but with my points, Tanya was able to fly for much less than that. I scoured the Internet for deals and found a week at a hotel just across the street from the beach.  This was a celebration of life, so  we rented a limo to pick us up to transport us to the airport. Our flight was early.  I don't think I even slept that night.  

Limo Express

The limo arrived and we were off. I had no doubt that we would have a memorable trip.  It is all in the small details. I had a folder with all our travel documents to insure I knew where we were going and how to contact them if there were issues.  Remember, I do not have the best of luck when I go on vacation.

We wore velour pants and jackets.  I only mention this because it results in a comical moment later. The flight is long, eleven hours, we were too excited by the time we got there to realize we were in a different time zone and sleep would be difficult. During the flight, I had to use the rest room, when I returned to the seat, I had the most horrific news to deliver to my traveling companion.

"I think from the waist down, I could be your sister." She looked at  me wondering where this was headed. Tanya has learned, you never know what to expect to come from my mouth. I am quit witted and funny.  She was one of many who suggested I write this book or do stand up comedy.

"Really?' She was looking skeptical, I'm not sure why, I would not lie about something this serious.

"Yes!" I raised my pant leg to reveal legs as black as the Ace of Spades.  The dye had transferred from my pants to my legs "Look, what if it doesn't come out? I'm going to look like a double stuffed Oreo cookie, black legs, white gut and black hair! What am I going to do?"

She could not stop laughing, neither could I. I had warned her going on vacation with me was a crap shoot as nothing ever went right, whether I was faced with tropical storms, hurricanes or bladder infections in a third world country. We arrived in beautiful Hawaii only to discover my luck would continue. Tanya's luggage was lost. The authorities thought it was just "lost" in the terminal and then much later informed us it might still be in Atlanta where we had to change planes. Regardless, they would deliver it where we were staying, "Where might that be?"

Ohau' Airport

I reached in to my bag for the folder which contained our itinerary and the location of our hotel, it was not there, I had forgotten it on the counter at home.  I went in to panic mode! It had all our information on accommodations, our Thanksgiving dinner plans, transportation, it was my memory back up! "We are staying at a hotel, Waikiki some thing."

The woman looked at me, I am almost sure she was thinking, "Stupid tourist!" Thank goodness she only said, "Ma'am, most all of our resorts are Waikiki "some thing." This is Waikiki Beach."

I knew that it was within walking distance or next to the Zoo and so I shared that with her, that would narrow it down. "Ma'am, every thing is within walking distance or near the Zoo." I was striking out big time with my powerful knowledge of Oahu's  geography.

She made a few calls to discover we were booked at Waikiki Resort. We had missed our free transportation so rented a taxi, in five o'clock traffic. At last we were at the hotel and checking into our room. It had been a very long day, but the night life was just beginning in Waikiki.  We headed to our room to unpack, well for me to unpack. Tanya had nothing to change in to as her luggage probably would not arrive until the next flight came in from Atlanta.

At Last - We Made It!

Our room was a disappointment. She went to use the bathroom only to discover the pipe under the sink was missing and all the water drained on to the bathroom floor.  My only concern, I needed to see if I could wash the black off of me, I had heard it was near impossible, but I was determined to reclaim my white legs once more. As I was sitting on the edge of the tub, black dye streaming down the drain, staining every thing I touched black, Tanya was ranting about the room.  No light bulb, to small, plumbing not up to code, so I suggested we call the front desk and see if we could move.  

Our Room

She headed down to the front desk as I continued my search for white legs. When I was done, I walked down to the desk to find Tanya's head a bobbing and a weaving, oh, this was not good.  Tanya is like me, very calm and collected. I walked up to discover they could put us in another room for a slight up charge of sixty eight dollars a piece.  We were there for a week and the room they had put us in was smaller than a postage stamp. We paid the extra money and were escorted to our new suite.  It was such an improvement!  I unpacked and we took off on our first adventure, to see what the strip held for us and to grab a bite to eat.

I did not envy Tanya.  We had no idea when her bag would arrive, but they were hopeful by noon the next day. We headed out to see if we could find some thing that she could change in to that was not as warm as the velour suits we had on.  Our first stop, ABC Store. As we walked in, I was  getting in  vacation mode, James Brown was playing, Get on the Good Foot and I was jiving in the aisles promising Tanya we needed to Get on the Good, not the bad foot we were currently on and get funky! My new found skin color infused me with some  soul and fancy foot work.  We could not stop laughing.

ABC on every corner

We walked down the strip and every other door was an ABC store! I kid you not. As I recall, there are thirty seven locations in a one  mile radius of Waikiki alone. Each store, no different than the rest, small convenience stores  offering a little bit of every thing for the shopper in you.  At one particular intersection, we found an ABC on every corner! It became a joke with us.  We stopped and grabbed a bite to eat and walked the strip to see what the week held for us in adventures.

We signed up to take a Rock and Roll cruise, bought tickets to see Pearl Harbor, planned a night to experience a luau, a day to take in the world famous flea market at Aloha Stadium and beach time.  Our beach time was limited though, I was on vacation and the weather was overcast.  We spent on day laying on the beach, Thanksgiving. 

Every night we'd walk the strip and watch the people.  The sidewalks were filled with natives entertaining the crowds for cash. You didn't have to walk far to find the next act and while some were the same each night, you might find a new one on the curb to catch your attention. 

Room with a View

The Queen Kapiolani Hotel was right behind where we stayed.  I had to go see what this Queen K was all about as I am the Queen and my last name starts with a K.  I kept telling Tanya I was there to "visit my people" and as usual she thought I was blowing smoke up her nose, but she witnessed it and she will tell any one we meet about the day we went to the Queen K Hotel.

As we walked back to take in the hotel named after the most powerful wife on the islands, I was two or three steps in front of Tanya.  My legs are long,  I am always ahead of any group I am in, it was nothing else, but before me came a young woman who was listening to music on her Ipod, she looked up, spotted me and stopped, bowing to me and asking me if she could sing me a song.  Silly girl!  I wanted to whisper to her "Not here, I am incognito, don't bring attention to  me you silly peasant" but it was too late, Tanya had witnessed the woman wishing to sing to the Queen.  It didn't just happen once, it happened on the way back to our hotel, another person stopped bowing to me and wishing to sing. Tanya was in awe, I? Just another day in the park for this Queen.