Friends and Family, they are the corner stones of our life

I had to move some of the appliances from Bill's to my house.  He had a newer dishwasher and I was not going to let it go with the foreclosure, so I called Ray.  It had been almost  a year and a half since I had last spoken to him, but I needed his help and he had been my handyman for two years.

I hadn't spoken to him much since Bill and I had started dating. He was working at the doctor's house and had been since he last worked for me.  He had been in the hospital with another heart attack and was just about recovered when I phoned.  I told him what had happened, Precious had been put down, Bill died, my brother died, it was a pathetic story, my life, and he was hesitant to help.  I didn't know why, my mind wasn't that clear. His wife Diane though insisted he help me.

Love notes from B

I met him at Bill's to unhook the old dishwasher.  He had a truck so he could haul it for me. It was just like old times, the two of us working side by side, getting the job accomplished.  I stopped and bought us lunch on the way home.  Out on the deck we sat, enjoying conversation of what had been going on in our life since we had last seen each other.

It seemed Ray always came into my life when I was at my lowest.  We sat on the kitchen floor after we got the appliance installed and talked.  I asked him why he hesitated to come help  me and he tried to avoid the subject.  He had been hurt when I started dating Bill.  He had been coming to my home for two years and had missed me.  He thought I had discarded him.

I explained to him that I had run out of projects and Doc needed him. Doc was willing to pay him more per hour than I was, it was just time, but he still had been hurt.  The day that Bill came up to the house and Ray was there doing some last minute repairs, Ray described the two of them in a match over me. I laughed.  "Ray, I was not yours to keep.  We were and are good friends, but you told me about a man who would come into my life and treat me like I deserved to be treated and he did, it was Bill."

It didn't matter, Ray was crushed.  I hadn't kept in touch and then out of the blue, I called.  I didn't know what to say. He wondered if I had any more work that needed to be done, but I didn't, not at that moment, and what I had to do, I was capable of doing myself.  I thought it was best that I not call him anymore and I told him so.  I thanked him for his friendship and all the kind things he had done for me, but, I didn't think it was a good idea to keep in touch any more.  He thought I needed him more now than I did before, now that Bill was gone.  "No, I don't need anyone.  It's too painful to have anyone in my life.  I can't bear anymore heartache of losing someone I love or some one I consider a friend."  He knew what I was referring to, he still loved me and I had no feelings except friendship for him.  I never saw him again after that day. I think of him often though and discovered he died of a heart attack in 2012.

I had to sell the car I had bought Bill. He hadn't driven it since December and I hadn't really done anything with it since he died.  It was early summer before I got around to that and because it sat so long, I had to make repairs to it before I could sell it.  Nothing seemed to be easy.  Eventually though it sold and another check appeared on my to do list.

In late July, my parents came down to my home and brought my niece, Jamie and her youngest brother, Robert. We had spent a little time together since my brother died, but nothing significant.  This was our first full week with my brother's children.  Their mom stayed home, she was going through the same thing I was, with the passing of my brother.  Odd, we both found it very difficult to part with their shoes.  My mom thought I was crazy, but she hasn't lost her husband yet, I wonder often how she will respond to "discarding" some one's life possessions.

Jamie was going to be turning eighteen in a week.  She would start her senior year of high school when she returned to Michigan. We were family, by blood, but we didn't  know a thing about one another. Stories of my brother, their father were shared among us.

They only knew the stories he told of his childhood.  They were far from the truth. He had made himself out to be this perfect child and expected his children to be the same or better.  They were surprised to learn he was normal.

We, on the other hand, were surprised to hear he was not. The stories they shared were not of the son or brother we would have expected him to be.  He was much like my own mother, except he had internalized his own fears to the point he wanted to keep his family to himself, removed from any contact with others who might influence them differently than he chose.

I see a little of  him in each of them.  His quick anger and temper are seen in both of his sons.  His oldest son looks very similar to him and his youngest son has his ability to breeze through complicated math equations without breaking a sweat.  His daughter struggles with his reclusiveness, this pasted on to him, from our mother.  She works at being social, but her comfort is with close family and friends.   My brother never had friends and he made it difficult for his own children to have them as well.

I am still getting to know each of them, but I would say, I am closest to my niece, who has made an effort to spend time with me as I with her.  I keep in touch with each of them and I have not shied away from speaking my mind to them, perhaps my brother is channeling through me with a softer touch

We spent the week tooling around Indianapolis taking in the sights. We shared a lot of memories and the kids brought videos of when they were growing up.  We went duck pin bowling, where I discovered my nephew is very competitive and hates to lose, another trait he inherited from his father.  

Jamie

I took the kids to the mall and treated Jamie to Glamour Shots.  It was a spur of the moment thing,had we been prepared for it, we probably would still be there snapping photos. She looked absolutely stunning when they finished with her  hair and make up. 

I will never forget how she gazed in the mirror, looking at herself for the first time, made up like a princess.  We took them to dinner that night to celebrate her upcoming eighteenth birthday and my parents could not get over the transformation that had taken place that afternoon.

They were going to leave in the morning and she wanted to keep her make up and hair just perfect to show her boyfriend when she got home.  I still smile as I see her looking at her reflection in the mirror, surprised at how beautiful she was that day.  She is twenty five now and we've had  many of those Aunt//Niece bonding experiences, from manicures, pedicures, make overs, girl talks about boys to sex, ears pierced to learning how to coordinate every thing from your earrings to your shoes for a night out on the town.  I often wish I could have been a part of their lives growing up, things would have been so different for  all of us.