The Honeymoon is Over - You're Married Now

Killer was so refreshing compared to where I had come from.  He was mature.  He treated me well compared to what I had been used to.  He spoke of taking me on a whirlwind romance and he did.  In hindsight, I should have seen the red flags, but I was very young and naïve.

The next Saturday, Killer took me to Knapp’s and bought me a gift.  A brand new bra! Can you believe this! For the past six months, he’d been calling me to his desk and would want to show me something that required me to bend over.  He said he was hard of hearing in his left ear and always wanted me to stand on the right side of his desk.  I later discovered it was so that he could look down my blouse.  He didn’t approve of my cast iron bra and felt I needed something a little more” age appropriate.” 

Had I been older, had I been more experienced, had I not been poisoned by coffee and not thinking clearly, I would have raised my brow and ran in the other direction.  He bought this bra that was made of cotton material, very simple and plain.  He named this bra, “Little Girl.”

Are you running?  You should be! I had run from a very controlling Mother straight into the arms of a very controlling man, blinded by coffee grounds that were still churning in my stomach.

Valentine’s Day came and he took me to his favorite restaurant, The Knight Cap in downtown Lansing.  I had never eaten at a restaurant that was so expensive and again, he ordered for me.  He didn’t ask me what I wanted, he just ordered.  He believed that it was “proper” to have a before dinner cocktail.  I was not a drinker at all.  But in my days of dancing at the Rainbow Ranch with Scott, I had tried a Vodka Collins and it was the only drink I could tolerate and I would baby one drink all night long.

We had dinner and he presented me with a box, wrapped very nicely with a bow on top.  I opened this box to find a blue sapphire and diamond ring inside.  It was beautiful! I was speechless. Was this real?  This was perhaps our third date, twelve day ago, I was sitting across from him drinking poison and now I had a new bra and a beautiful ring. 

I remember showing my Mother this ring.  She knew who Killer was, I had always talked about how funny he was in the office and shared that his wife had died, prior to having that cup of coffee. Mother looked at the ring and asked me what I had done to deserve this.  I had done nothing. I had made him dinner and it wasn’t the steak dinner I had promised him, I ended up making Lasagna.

I met his daughter shortly afterwards.  She was ten and had just lost her Mother. Killer had not allowed her to attend the funeral as he did not feel it was appropriate for a ten year old. I believe this action did not allow “Worm” to have closure with her Mother’s death.  One day her Mom is there and the next day she is hospitalized and a week later has passed on. And all this happening over the Christmas holiday, how can that not leave a scar on a child’s heart?

Killer and I travelled to Nashville, Tennessee to Opryland.  We stayed in a very expensive hotel and spent the day walking around Opryland taking in all the sights.  I had never had a desire to go to Nashville, but this was his rodeo.  We travelled to Alabama and I met his late wife’s family.  We made an appointment to visit his parents in Ann Arbor and I was given the stamp of “approval” by his father and mother.

We travelled to Toronto and went to the Ontario Science Museum. We shopped at the finest shops and ate the finest restaurants. My bra collection was building as were Polaroid’s of each purchase he made.  He assured me this was “normal” and was only shared between us.  He spoiled me, but there was a price to pay and I was too naïve to understand that the price tag was going to cost me my sanity.

He insisted I quit my job at Michigan Mutual and find a new job as we could not work together any longer and he had been with the company for some time now.  I found a job at Banker’s Life and Casualty. Killer had insisted that I quit the rink as well. He bought tires for my car as he felt I needed them and I couldn’t afford them.  I didn’t have to worry about a thing, he controlled everything.

We worked on his house.  The basement was chock full of boxes that housed so many things and he gave me free reign to clear everything out as he wanted this to be my home someday.  We tore down a greenhouse that was just off the master bedroom and built a deck.  This home belonged to his parents and he had spent a tremendous amount of money bricking what once was a wood sided home. He was in the midst of remodeling the kitchen and again he suggested I decorate the dining room to my liking, but with parameters.  It had to be “elegant,” he wanted it blue, he would not allow me to get rid of any furniture that was already in the room and he only wanted the best of the best of whatever I chose to put in there.  With those parameters, I was left with stripping the old wallpaper, putting up new blah wallpaper and painting the walls blue. It looked nice, but it wasn’t me.

In May, as we were finishing up working in the yard, he asked me to marry him.  Nothing spectacular, no engagement ring, just the two of us coming in covered in the dirt of the day, “how about we get married.” I said, “Yes.” But I was not expecting it to happen too soon, I had signed a year lease and I had nine more months until I was free from it.

The whirlwind romance continued, trips, jewelry, expensive dresses, and the rules were slowly introduced to me. I was not allowed to swear.  I was not allowed to wear anything except dresses to work and when we went out.  Jeans were not permitted, only for working in the yard.  He did not own but one pair of jeans and they were definitely for working in the yard and the yard only.

He had spoken to the landlord in the fall and paid the balance of my lease.  I would need to be out of my apartment by the end of October.  We picked November 1, 1980 as our wedding date.

My Mother did not say a thing when I told her I getting married. She had always told me that “they” would not contribute to a wedding.  If I wanted to get married, I would have to pay for it myself.  We didn’t shop for gowns.  We didn’t plan a thing.  I went to Jacobson’s in East Lansing and found a white simple casual dress on the clearance rack, $11.00 and tax and I had my “wedding dress.”  Killer had been married twice already and had no desire to have a big wedding but had I wanted one, he would have given it to me.  I contacted the minister at a church that I had been to a few times with friends from high school.  I asked him if he would marry us and he agreed.

 I had moved in as my lease ran out and the next day I was getting married.  Killer made it very clear that my “new” furniture was not up to par for his house and I had to sell it.  I was not happy with this, but I sold it.  I hated the furniture he had, Mediterranean style, very dated and very ugly. The outside of the house was beautiful, but the inside had much work needed to make it beautiful but little did I know that I would not be able to make this my home with my touches.

I got up that Saturday morning.  We would be driving to the church and Mother and Dad would be our witness.  We were married in the basement of the church with piped in organ music playing the wedding march. I cried like a baby as I said those vows.  Inside I knew that I was making a commitment that I was not ready to make, but I had made a promise that I would never leave him and I had to carry through with this promise.

My parents went back to their house.  Worm was staying with them for the weekend.  Mother was having a little get together later that day at the house for cake and ice cream.  A handful of close relatives were invited.  Mother had contacted a classmate of hers that baked cakes and ordered one for the special occasion.

Killer and I headed to Albert’s Inn for breakfast and home afterwards. We sat on the edge of the bed and he presented me with a wedding gift, another ring, a ruby ring for my pinky finger.  I now had rings on four fingers.  I never was much for rings, but I was sporting several of them.

He told me how much he loved me and that the Whirlwind Romance was over.  I was married now and he proceeded to lay out the rules of the Henshaw Homestead.  My life was over as I had known it.  I had just made a deal with the devil.