Mother Always Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

Northern Michigan always soothed my soul when it was shattered.  There was tranquility in heading to the Lake for rejuvenation. After Scott and I separated, I headed to the cottage for a weekend away.  My father’s side of the family still spent weekends there.  I was not close to my cousins as my paternal grandmother always seemed to compare us and my brother and I were never on the positive end of compliments.  My cousins were always thinner, prettier, and more popular and so you learn to avoid those moments you may be compared in front of others.

I drove up after work and my cousin Julie was at my Grandma’s.  I was eighteen and she was sixteen.  She was old enough to go to the Music Box at Houghton Lake which was an outdoor dance hall for teenagers between the ages of fourteen and eighteen.  I didn’t want to go alone and I had never been before, so I asked if she wanted to go.  We got all dolled up and headed out for a night of fun. It was July 29, 1978.

Julie was a partier and I was more of a wall flower.  As I held a pillar up so the building would not collapse on all the other teens enjoying the dance patio, a young man had been watching me across the room.  He approached me and asked me to dance.  I love to dance almost as much as I loved to skate.

We started talking about basics, where are you from, where did you go to school, a general exchange of information, to include my phone number! First night out on the town after a shattered heart and someone wanted my phone number? He was from Lansing as well and was on a family vacation.  He had graduated from Sexton High School, which is the school I would have graduated from had I not moved to DeWitt.  He knew many of my classmates from elementary school and he lived near the airport which was not far from where I lived in DeWitt.

He was working part time for Demmer Corporation and attending Lansing Community College.  He wanted to be an optometrist and his plans were to knock his basics out at the Community College and transfer to Ferris State. He had just broken up with his girlfriend from high school and was also mending a broken heart.

We met the next night as well to dance, without cousin in tow. I returned home and he called within three days to ask me out on a date. I don’t remember where we went but we started dating on a regular basis.

I was working at Auto Owners full time and at the Roller Skating Rink on the Southside of Lansing.  I still worked for Mike who had closed the East Lansing Rink and transferred to the South side of Lansing.  I still loved to skate, but I had agreed to run the front desk for him.

We had moved from DeWitt back to Lansing after I had graduated from high school.  My Father was three years from retiring from General Motors.  My parents still went to the cottage every weekend and for vacations and I stayed home and worked.

In December 1978, my parents were at the cottage for the holidays.  There was a snow storm in Lansing and things were at a standstill for a day or two.  Whenever my parents went to the cottage for a week, I always made sure I had cleaned the house for my Mom. My parents returned from the cottage shortly after New Year’s Eve and all hell broke loose. My Mother swore I had had someone over to the house and moved a figurine on the table.  She claims this was sitting on the side table one way and it had been moved.  Now how you would come to a conclusion that a trinket was moved equates to having someone in the house verses me cleaning and picking it up to dust and not placing it back just as you remember it baffles me to this day, but, this put my Mother over the edge! Within a couple of weeks I came home after work to find the newspaper ads folded with two circles marking apartments she had selected.  She had been to look at both and stated the one that was closest to home was perfect as I would be right in the back yard.

Now, if I was going to move out on my own, do you think I would move in an apartment that was in the back yard so my Mother could still check on me whenever she felt the urge? No, I would consider another universe. Mother always preached that when we no longer lived under her roof, we could do whatever we wanted, but somehow I found that difficult to comprehend as I never could see my Mother relinquishing her control over me.

I told Neal that my Mother was kicking me out.  The good thing is I had been preparing for this day since I was fifteen and started working.  I had a nice little starter kit for moving out.  My kitchen would be fully stocked with everything you could imagine.  I had bedding, towels, a little furniture, stereo and television.  I could take my bed as I had purchased a new one when we moved to Lansing.

What my Mother was not expecting, was a roommate for me. The rent was $180 a month for a one bedroom apartment off Willow Street.  Neal wanted to apply for loans for college, but living at home did not afford him this luxury and working part time did not allow him to move out.  We decided to move in together. This was not a part of my Mother’s plan and she did not approve, but I was not living under her roof and she had little to say.  This was her decision. She made it on her own and in my eyes; I had to do what was necessary to survive.

I was working two jobs.  I was just months from acquiring a car payment as my year was coming to an end on the “new” car deal. I had credit and it was good, but I also wasn’t making much money to pay for rent, a car, and utilities and get established as a young adult. Remember, she let my brother live at home until he was over 21 closing in on 22.

I negotiated with the landlord to paint the apartment in exchange for our security deposit. We set a date to move in, March 1, 1979. Shortly after moving in, I made this apartment our home by learning to wallpaper the kitchen and buying real furniture instead of director chairs.  I bought drapes and pictures for the wall.  Neal continued to go to school and I continued to work to pay the bills.  He paid half of the rent and I paid for the rest as I was working full time and held a part time job.

We spoke of marriage, even considered it.  We drove to Ferris for his interview and spoke of moving there when he was accepted. Our Mothers did not approve of our arrangement, but life went on. My Mother went so far as to change the locks on the house so that I could not go there when they were gone.  I had all my belongings at my apartment.  Their house was not that big as they were planning on moving to the home they had just purchased on Houghton Lake, but Mother was sure I was sneaking in the house and taking things to set up “house.” I didn’t take a thing that was not mine, but this is my Mother and you can’t change the way someone is wired.

We were approaching our first anniversary and my brother announced his wedding plans for the same day. I was in his wedding and so Neal and I decided to celebrate our anniversary at another time.

Christmas of 1979 rolled around.  I took on another part time job so that we would have money to buy presents and I needed new glasses. I found a job at the smoke shop in the mall.  I don’t know the first thing about smoking, cigarettes, cigars or pipes, but I was about to learn, but I was also about to learn another lesson in how men will rip your heart out and serve it to you on a platter and not bat an eye.

Unbeknownst to me, the person I was working with at the smoke shop was named Scott.  I didn’t know him prior to being hired.  But, Neal did.  Scott was the classmate that stole Neal’s girlfriend away from him just prior to our meeting at the Music Box.  I had no idea who this person was, but Neal felt I should have known this.  He did not want me to work there, but I needed a job to pay for necessities that I had not counted on, Christmas gifts and new glasses.

I continued to work at Auto Owners and the skating rink, but this would allow me additional money and it was just for the holiday season. He was livid and he grew more livid one evening when I called him Scott by mistake.  You remember my boyfriend before Neal was a Scott and I tried to explain this to him, but he wasn’t buying it.

One Friday night in December 1979, things were very tense between us and I was supposed to work that night at the rink.  I was in the bathroom and Neal was getting dressed.  It didn’t cross my mind that he was getting ready to go out.  In addition to working part time and going to school part time, he played a lot of golf and bowled just as much in the winter.  I sat on the edge of the tub and told him I was going to call off that night so we could go out and spend time together. He told me I should just go to work and jokingly I said, “What? Do you have a hot date or something tonight?”  His response was a blow to my gut. “Yes. I am going out with a girl from work.”

Again, didn’t see that one coming at all! I was busting my balls working three jobs so that he could go to school. I was paying all the bills except for his $90 that he contributed to the rent. I didn’t get upset that he spent his money bowling or golfing. I felt he might need this as an outlet, but I felt the full impact of his betrayal that night.

I left for work. I didn’t argue.  I didn’t question him; I just walked out and went to work.  I had to process this information he had just laid before me. Mike at work was so kind to me.  I sat in his office and was just beside myself. He was older and married and he talked me through the “man’s side” of how he thought Neal might be feeling.  I didn’t buy into his theory that I worked too much.  Neal was always busy with his outside activities and studying.  Working was keeping the bills paid and me occupied as his studies came first and his job and outside activities came second.

I left work early that night and headed home. He was not back from his date.  Any other woman would have thrown his clothes from the third story apartment and lit them on fire, but I didn’t.  I waited for his return.  I had news to share with him and I knew it wasn’t going to make a difference, but he needed to know that I was pregnant.