Standing Up For Yourself

Moving to DeWitt was difficult for both my brother and I.  My brother as I have mentioned was a homebody much like my Mother.  He was very shy and found it difficult to make friends.  Children can be very mean to other children.  Whether you are not dressed in clothes that are not up to par in someone else’s book, you have weight issues, your hair is different or you are just shy and have low self-esteem issues, you are an easy target.  My brother fell into a lot of those categories.

He wore glasses and back in the 1960’s glasses were not a fashion statement.  One the selection of frames you could choose were very limited and two you were automatically marked as “four-eyes.” In addition, he had red hair that was very wiry and curly. His nose was rather long and somewhat pointed like my fathers, another easy target for children to pick on him. He was not obese, but like all children would appear to be chubby, grow some and be thin and repeat the cycle.  Unfortunately he had a condition called gynecomastia which is where he developed breasts and trust me, that was a prime source of the ribbing he took from other children. For those reasons alone, he preferred to stay inside and not have to be confronted with dealing from the torment of his peers.

He rarely played with others. It was not until he was a junior in high school that he met a few boys that shared his love for board games involving strategic planning and fantasy baseball/football.  My brother loved to play games, but he was not a good loser.

My Mother sheltered him from harm by allowing him to stay inside and not socializing. She could sense his anxiety when he was forced to participate in activities that he wanted nothing to do with.  For she could see herself in her son. Years later, when I continued to discuss the inequalities practiced in the Beadle Bungalow, she stated it was just easier to let him have his way as she knew I would let it go and find something else to occupy my time.  If she had taken a stand with him though, she never knew how he would react, but it was usually by expressing anger and she could not control that. So instead of allowing me to watch TV and telling him to go play, she allowed him full control over the TV and knew I’d go play, by myself or with others.

I learned from an early age that I had to stand up for myself.  My Mother never sided with me or supported me, so she was not a source for me to seek when trouble was brewing. As well, if I did bring an issue to my Mother, she somehow took the facts I presented and concocted her own version of what happened and I was always in the wrong. You learn to take care of your business without involving your parents when this happens time and time again.

Since I refused to do chores for minimal wages, I found other ways to make money.  I sold Current products door to door.  I would order a Tom Watt Kit and sell the products door to door.  If you were to ask me, I would have told you I was shy as a child, but my Mother would tell you I never met a stranger.

I always had money from my little ventures.  It was rare that I babysat as we were always at the cottage on prime babysitting nights, so I had to come up with other ways to earn money.  In seventh grade, during Industrial Ed, we were learning how to use power tools and machines.  I had money in my purse and probably more than I should have been carrying to school, but my purse was left at my desk unattended and another student helped herself to the contents.

I was devastated as I had thought this person was a “friend.”  I had been over to her house to play, spent the night at her home and knew her Mother.  Her Father raced cars for a living and was not home often, but I knew her Mom would not approve of this behavior. I figured out who had taken my money.  It wasn’t that difficult.  I could not tell my Mother, she’d tell me it was my own fault for taking it to school and the matter would end there.

I wrote to this girls’ mother and explained the situation and asked her to help me retrieve my life savings. Shortly after this letter was sent, we were sitting at dinner and I saw their car coming down the road.  They did not live in our neighborhood and I knew they were coming to my house.  I excused myself from the table and went outside as they drove into the driveway. The Mother got out of the car as well as her daughter and I was given a sincere apology as well as the money that had been removed from my purse. They left and I returned to the dinner table.  My Mother never asked me why I left, who was in the driveway or what happened, but that was one of many times that I had to take care of wrong doings against me without my Mother knowing or assisting.

In fifth grade, you were able to become a safety guard for the elementary school.  I wanted to be part of the safety guard and I was chosen to be the Captain.  Within three days I came down with Scarlet Fever and was home for almost 5 weeks.  The assignment for safety guard was for six weeks only.  I was devastated that I was absent the entire time of my assignment.  I  had mentioned this to my Mother suggesting she speak to someone at the school about being able to have my turn when I returned, but she clearly informed me that was a consequence of being sick. Upon my return to school, I took this issue up with the proper authority and I was shot down, but at least I tried.

In hindsight I am grateful for this strength as I have never turned to my parents to stand up for me or help me.  If I was teased or I was treated poorly by others, I took care of it by myself. I learned that by telling my Mother, not only was I suffering the consequences of whatever the problem was, but I had to deal with a Mother who found you guilty without a trial.

One particular night when I was eighteen, I had left the skating rink with a boy that I liked. I always drove my car to the rink, but we were going out for a bite to eat.  I knew if I went with him, I’d miss my curfew, but I would face that consequence when I had to. Instead of driving into East Lansing, he headed toward Okemos and we ended up on a very dark back country road.  I had no idea where we were or how to get back to where we had come from.  He was suggesting that he had an interest in hitting a home run.  Unfortunately, I did not see any ball games being played in the farm fields we were parked next to.  I will never forget the words he spoke next, “Put out of get out.”  I guess I was getting out and off he took, the tail lights of his Trans Am disappearing in the dust.

I had to walk back to my car that was parked in East Lansing It took me some time and that particular evening I arrived home at 2 AM and had the beating of my life.  I did not have the courage to tell my Mother what had happened.  I knew if I did, I would never leave my bedroom again, even though I was eighteen.  I just made sure from that point on, I always drove my car, not matter what.

Thirty years passed and I told my Mother of that evening.  She remembered it well.  For the first time ever she had her own car and she drove from DeWitt to East Lansing to find me.  She found my car with no one in it.  She had no idea where I was, nor did she ask me when I got home.  But that particular night as I sat there at the age of 48 and told my Mother what had happened, she asked me why I took the beating verses telling her.  I explained to her that she would never have believed me and if she did, she would have found me guilty and she would have been upset that I was “up to no good.”  Instead of her reassuring me that she would not have done that, she confirmed what I already knew.