A Breath of Freedom was on the Horizon

Worm was determined to follow in my footsteps.  I informed her that my lack of a college degree was holding me back and in those eight years since I had graduated from high school, there were few jobs that paid well that didn't require a college degree.  I told her she needed a back up plan.  Killer gave her some monopoly money and the want ads.  He told her to find a job and an apartment and then he proceeded to prove to her that life outside of the Henshaw Homestead was expensive.  She couldn't work at McDonald's and have an apartment, car and pay utilities.  She even considered taking the bus, but it didn't help her bottom line.

Killer felt she needed more discipline.  Can you imagine that? He likened her to him as a young adult.  He joined the service, but he failed to tell her that he enrolled in college to avoid the draft and then was drafted for poor grades and irresponsible behavior. He didn't want to go to college and he didn't want to be drafted so he worked the system and got caught.

According to him the service matured him, but if truth be told, I think the time served in Vietnam, scarred him. When he returned to the States he applied to MSU and there were  many  protesters against the war.  He was wearing his fatigues (this is his story to me, so if it appears questionable, excuse me) and the students protesting were aggressive toward him.  He in turn confronted them in an aggressive behavior and trouble stewed for him. 

As I have said, I have never served and I can't even imagine the fear that would flow through your veins. I do  not see how it would not change you and to return to the States and not be supported for your service as you are today, would be difficult to swallow. 

He took Worm to a recruiter and he signed her up to join the service immediately after she graduated.  I really don't think this was her game plan at all, but he forced her hand, and she could not sit in front of this recruiter and tell him she really wasn't interested, with Killer sitting right there  next to her.

Meanwhile, I continued to work many hours and travel. I continued to attend conferences and meet more people that I would never have  met in Killer's sheltered bubble he placed me in. One particular year, at the annual conference at Boyne Mountain, Lois had suggested that I participate in the activities after dinner.  You got it, after my curfew!  I could not defy Killer's rule that I call him before eight and to not leave my room afterwards. He would have my neck when I came home.

There was a social hour as people were arriving for this three day conference,  I was a speaker the next day, but by now I was a seasoned speaker and was going to do as I always did, present off the cuff.  I did best just winging it about whatever the subject was I was presenting. At the social hour, I  met a gentleman who was a vendor and sold annuities.  He was very handsome and very attentive to my every movement.  It wasn't his attentiveness that I was attracted to, Killer was more than attentive to my every move, almost to a fault. It was that I wasn't tense wondering if I was doing the right thing. Was I on the right side of the door so he could open it for me?  Was my back straight as I walked?  Was my head up?  Was I speaking properly? I didn't  have to think about where I was going to sit.  Killer had a phobia about sitting with his back to the door, so since I always would be in  front of  him, I  had to make sure where ever we sat, he had a clear view of the door. 

We chatted briefly, well it felt briefly, but as the social hour ended, everyone went their own way.  The next day after I had given my presentation, there was another social hour and this man approached me again.  We  chatted about the day, he played golf with clients, I gave a presentation.  As the social hour came to a draw, he asked me to join him for dinner.  We were going into Traverse City with a group of others, but I jumped in his car and it didn't take us to the restaurant every one was heading to.  

Now, I must have forgotten my rule that I learned in high school, always drive yourself.  He took us to a quaint little restaurant and we had dinner alone. We talked about our spouses.  Our work.  Our interests outside of work and just about every thing.  I didn't have to drink a" before dinner" cocktail as Killer required.  I didn't have to have an" after dinner" drink as Killer demanded.  I ordered for myself.  Spoke to the waiter myself and told him what I wanted.  Killer did not allow me to order my food.  He would ask me what I wanted and order it for me. One would have thought I was not capable of speaking when we went restaurants.

As dinner ended, it was after nine o'clock.  He asked me if I wanted to join the others.  Everyone was meeting at the Holiday End.  I already missed my curfew.  I was almost four hours from home, what was he going to do, kill me? So we took off for Holiday Inn.  Lois was so surprised to see me as I had never attended these after hour parties.

We danced, we laughed.  I didn't just dance with this salesman, I danced with co-workers and members.  I had such fun! And then the night was over.  He took  me back to the resort and walked me to my room.  He was such a gentleman.  He made sure I got inside and said he would see me the next day.  It was well after one in the  morning.  Killer had called and left a message.  

My Cinderella bubble burst and I came back to Earth.  I had to call him.  I didn't hesitate.  I didn't do anything that I was ashamed of.  I didn't cross any boundary except I didn't call him before eight.  That in my book is not a crime.  Not calling him at all, well, that might have been a crime in his book and probably in mine had the shoe been on the other foot.

He was very short when he asked me where I had been.  I was not drunk.  I had not had a drink all night except Pepsi.  I told him how much fun I had and who I was with.  There was nothing to hide.  He knew this salesman I was with. Killer and I were still on insurance and we knew many of the same people, but  he was not happy that I had dinner with this  man. He ended the conversation, "Beadie, tomorrow night you are in when I tell you to be and you call me. No more acting like a school girl." 

Cindy was getting her legs back.  No one was going to tell me what to do, ask my Mother.  And at twenty five to tell me that I had a curfew, oh, hell no!  What was he going to do, kill  me?

The next day was our last day at the conference.  I had made several new acquaintances at this conference because I went out after the meetings all day. My confidence was boosted.  Men told me how beautiful I was.  I was told that I was funny.  Compliments were flowing in on how well I was dressed.  I was just surprised I had been noticed and by women as well.  No one saw me outside of that office environment or outside of the hospital environment where I was professional and quiet.

Things changed for me that night. I had fun. I hadn't had fun like this in years. It was clean fun.  I loved to dance and I loved the freedom of being Killer free.