For One Brief Second, She Experienced Childhood

It was 1982. I had lost my job.  My Father had retired from a managerial position at Fisher Body in February. He and my Mother sold their home in Lansing and moved to their home at Houghton Lake.  They would finally settle down and not move again for another twenty six years. It was the longest they stayed in one home. My brother was soon to be having his first born, my nephew and Godchild. It was the year the suburban housewife car was presented to me as well.

In late August, I began working for Michigan Hospital Association. This job in the long run saved my life, but in the end, it forced me to question my own moral compass. How far would I go to free myself from the life behind those brick walls at the Homestead?  All this time no one knew.  I walked out of that house with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step. Others would believe I was living the dream of a woman who had this husband who absolutely adored her.  Placed her on this pedestal and worshipped her and I in turn him.  If only they knew what went on behind closed doors, they would have been shocked that I was a part of it.

I did not want this job in the beginning, but I was unemployed and my benefits would soon expire.  The job was for a claims representative for a third party administrator who in turn handled workers compensation claims for self-insured hospitals throughout Michigan. There were about 120 hospitals that belonged to this fund. I was coming in on the ground floor of this new venture.

I came home after the initial interview and shared with Killer the results of the interview.  It was workers compensation and that was a line I detested, but I needed a job.  The starting salary was much greater than I had been making at Shelby Mutual. It was a salaried position paying fifteen thousand a year. It was a far cry from the humble beginnings of working as a claims service representative for Michigan Mutual just two years prior where I earned less than eight thousand a year as an hourly employee. It was an increase from the near eighteen months that I worked at Shelby Mutual as a claims representative earning a salary of just over eleven thousand a year.  I was five years out of high school and earning a decent salary for 1982.  Killer had been a claims adjuster for Michigan Mutual for close to ten years at this point and earned twenty two thousand a year.

Killer had told me once more that I was not smart enough to be hired as a claims adjuster.  They would not hire me for that salary? Who was I kidding? For cripes sake, I was a woman trying to make it in a man’s world. I was hired and I started work, August 31, 1982.

Move over Killer, this girl is plotting her journey to freedom. She had done it before and she would do it again as she had the patience it required to plan, plot and conquer whatever she set her mind too, no matter how much you tore her down, deep inside, she was a fighter. For what Killer didn’t know about his “Beadie” was that she had already been to Hell and back and this second trip, although not a cake walk, was just a bump in the road to  her freedom once more.

My new boss was a woman who I grew to admire. She was twelve years older than I was and she was the supervisor of this new department.  We hit it off right away. I enjoyed working for this much larger company and I was able to meet many people from many different paths in life.  I was not so sheltered living in Killer’s world where you did not have friends.  We did not have couple friends. We stayed to ourselves, this is what he wanted.

Our neighbors the Stewarts had children that were Lucinda’s age.  They had lived across the street forever and when Killer was married to Mollie Belle, they would go out after dinner some nights for coffee and donuts.  Killer continued this ritual after we were married, but he went alone with the Stewarts.  I guess I was not “old” enough to participate in this adult activity or the Stewarts may not have approved of Killer remarrying so soon after Mollie Belle died.  It would be a couple of years before I knew the truth to this quandary.

Worm was closing in on her thirteenth birthday in late 1983.  In the summer of 1983, while she was down south visiting her mother’s relatives, I asked him if I could throw a surprise birthday slumber party for her in celebration of her birthday.  He was not budging on this one.  Have children in the house? Spend the night? Little teeny boppers screaming and screeching under his roof, was I insane? I worked for a couple of weeks trying to convince him there was nothing wrong with having a little party for her?  I laid out the plans to him.  Worm and I had talked about her friends and school.  I kind of knew who she considered her friends so it wouldn’t be too hard to invite them to a surprise party if I could just get Killer to approve of this.

Once again, I made a deal with the Devil and the rules were laid out as to what was expected of me and what I was allowed to do when throwing this little soiree. I called my Mom to tell her that Killer had agreed to let me have this little party for her.  She agreed to help me as I needed someone to assist me with six little girls overnight.

Worm was so surprised when she came into the house with my Mom that evening.  Her friends were all able to make it and Killer had left the house for the evening or he kept hidden.  He was not around from what I recall.  Mom and I made a little dinner for the girls and we had cake and ice cream. Games were played and they got to stay up late like teenage girls do and talk about whatever girls talk about at that age.  For one brief night, Worm got a taste of what a normal life looked like.