It was time to meet the family. Bill's sister from Pittsburgh was coming to town and he was anxious for me to meet everyone. I had met his brother and two daughter's but I had not received the stamp of approval from the rest of the family. Jonnan was his sister from Pennsylvania. He was curious to see if we'd hit it off. As we sat there that night, I realized I knew a lot about Bill, but I didn't know that much. There was a part of him that he didn't want to reveal, for whatever reason, I am not sure, but there were bits of him that I never saw, yet so many spoke of.
We went to Greencastle the next day to meet the rest of the siblings and have dinner. It was November 3, 2003, we came home afterwards and sat around chatting. It was a Monday and we were watching Monday night football. Ashley, Bill's youngest was spending the night as well as Jonnan. They had gone to bed and we sat on the couch talking about the weekend with family. I told him I had to go and he said, "I need you here, with me" followed up with, "I love you." I reminded him he had a full house of women and he didn't need another, but he insisted, "I don't want to spend another night without you, please stay." And I did.
The next day was his "weekend." I came over after work and he told me I had passed inspection with Jonnan and Ashley. It is strange how much we thought alike, we both reached into our pocket at the same time as he was telling me about his day with Jonnan, from our pockets, simultaneously, we pulled out a key, we had each made keys to one an other's house, without discussing it, we both had thought of it and at the same time, gave it to the other. Our life was filled with that. We could finish each other's sentence's as if we had known each other a lifetime. We knew what the other was feeling without asking. It was just so damn simple to fall in love with this man.
I wasn't afraid of him. I didn't fear that he would break my heart. I trusted him and would have done any thing for him, I truly fell head over stilettos for him. I cancelled the cruise. We were going to have Thanksgiving at his new home with his family. I couldn't imagine being any where else.
When you walked in to our homes, we had many of the same things, especially in the kitchen. Our furniture was very similar almost identical, both plaid and a mixture of the same colors. We gravitated toward the same design and we liked quality over quantity and every thing had its place.
I had started doing his laundry on Friday nights while I waited for him to come home from work. The ritual was the same, I would drive to the west side at about nine and stop at the restaurant. The rush would be gone by then. Sitting at the bar, back by the kitchen, where he could watch every thing and chat with me, he'd bring me out a special plate, smaller portions of what I would normally order. I'd leave and go to his home, do his laundry and iron his shirts. The first time I did it, he couldn't believe that I knew how to iron them correctly. I'd been ironing shirts from my days with Killer through Chappy, I was pretty good at it.
If I were in bed, when he came home, I'd get up and come snuggle on the couch with him until he was ready to call it a night. Friday nights he didn't get home until close to one in the morning and he appreciated that I would wake up and lay with him. I might fall back asleep, but he just wanted me there, next to him.
He did the littlest things that meant the world to me. They didn't cost a penny, but it made me feel loved. If I were not in bed yet, or I got up, he'd roll over to my side "to keep it warm for" me. If I had a long day, he'd fill the bath tub with hot water and bubbles, light candles and put on soft music, dim the lights and bring me a cold Pepsi to sip on while making me dinner.
By mid November, he had cleaned out a section of his closet for me to use so that I didn't always have to drive home to get clothes. I thought about how far I had come in just a few months, from how I was with Jeff to how I was with Bill, the difference? I could see myself spending the rest of my life with Bill. These things that I feared with other men, were so natural with him.
His youngest daughter warmed up to me. Bill had mentioned that it had been a long time since he had seen her get close to any of his girlfriends. We spent a considerable amount of time together and often all she wanted was someone to listen and care about her. She lived with her mom who didn't live that far away, but she chose to spend most every weekend at Bill's even though Bill worked, she knew I'd be there. We did crafts, we baked, we shopped, we watched movies, we just did things together. Her mom was often gone on weekends to her boyfriends house and Ashley didn't care for that situation. Often she would come over and need things, personal things, medication and her mom would tell her to ask her dad and Bill expected his former wife to provide those things as he paid support, Ashley was lost in the middle, so I would get her what she needed. I didn't know the family dynamics at this point, a struggle between parents and a manipulating child. I learned though.
I was headed to a conference in Chicago for several days and Bill took some time off so we could go together. We went up a day early to be able to enjoy the trip up. We were booked at the Hyatt, Room 2111, our first hotel room, we spent the day shopping on North Avenue again, amazed at how our tastes were so much alike.
We had dinner at Rock Bottom and as we sat there talking about our day and our mini vacation he asked me, "What are you planning on doing for the next forty years?"
I was forty three, "If I'm lucky, living still. Forty years is a long time, can we focus on just one year at a time?" I had no idea why he asked me this question, we were notorious for joking around all the time.
"Marry me. Let's get this honeymoon phase out of the way, then let's get married, want to?" I knew what he was talking about, we had both shared getting married to soon after meeting someone. I should have waited longer with Killer and Chappy, I should have walked away when I discovered that Vicki had been a part of our life. But had I not married Chappy, I would have never met Bill, so I am OK with that. We decided at one year, if we still felt the same and, neither of us doubted we wouldn't, we'd get married. We'd known each a week shy of two months. Yet it felt like we'd known one another a lifetime.
The thoughts that wander through my mind. Some have suggested I write a book. I think I'll blog first
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Falling in Love, it's such a wonderful feeling
Words will never be able to express the love I had for this man. I, myself, had never felt so comfortable with someone as I did with my Bill. Within three weeks of meeting him face to face, I was so smitten for this soul that brought peace to mine.
He knew about my cruise and that I always went to Florida for Christmas. In mid October he came over to my home and we went through my photo albums, learning more about each others life. He suggested that I stay home for Christmas "with a family." I was quick to point out that I did not have "family" to stay home for, my only family was in Florida. Did he want me to find a needy family and stay home with them? I was joking around and making light of his suggestion, he knew what my past Christmas's had been like with Min and "family."
He wanted me to stay home for him and be a part of "his" family. Without hesitation, I said I would. He encouraged me to call him any time, day or night, at home or at work, he was there for me and he asked me if there was any thing that I needed to know about him, I should not hesitate to ask, he wanted to know what was on my mind always. I've kept journals all of my life, that is why I can remember so much, that evening I came home and wrote about our conversation. He wondered what was on my mind but I was afraid to share that I was falling in love and it felt wonderful. It was too early to be feeling this way, but I felt like I had known him forever.
That weekend, my parents came to town, they were on their way to Florida for the winter. Both noticed the changed in their daughter through phone calls and when they saw me, they saw a woman they had never seen before, one that was just beaming with love. The first night they were there, Bill called and we spoke briefly. He said he missed me and that I should be there snuggling with him. He shared, what I was feeling, "We should just be together. I don't like being apart from you." I couldn't leave though, my parents had just arrived.
The next evening, Bill came over. My Mother had told me years before that she didn't want to meet my "boyfriends." She is not comfortable meeting new people, so she is sharp with her tongue to put a distance between us. Had I told her that he was coming, she would have worried every second between that moment and the moment he walked in the door, so I waited and about an hour before he was to arrive with dinner from Smokey Bones, I told her.
I had been sharing with her every thing I knew about him and she had to see that I was over the moon about this man. She mumbled some words as she got up to get ready to meet the man of my dreams.
Bill was quiet. He was soft spoken. But once you got to know him, he was humorous and fun to be with. He could be reserved, he didn't want to share his burdens with you, he wanted to lift you up and support you, no matter what he faced himself that day. He was the host with the most. We were great together. We complimented each other, his weakness were my strengths and vice versa.
He brought a buffet of food for dinner and laid it all out on the counter. My parents enjoyed the spread, they had never had Smokey Bones before, so it was new for them. We played cards, chatted, but he had to leave as he had an early morning.
I missed him. With my parents here, I couldn't take off and spend the hours we were able to sneak in before, given our schedules. The next night he called and we spoke on the phone briefly, he kept telling me how cute and adorable I was and how I belonged next to him. I hung up and my dad suggested that I go, "You belong together, go see him, your mom and I will be OK."
I drove over to his house and surprised him. Being with him was like slipping into your favorite sweatshirt on a brisk fall day, sliding your cold foot in to a warm, worn slipper, he comforted my soul, he brought inner peace to my spirit. He loved me unconditionally.
My parents were there for a week. We met Bill and his youngest daughter for a movie and dinner. As they left, my father gave me a hug and said, "I've never seen you so happy. I'm so glad you have found Bill." Me too.
Bill came over that night after work, we sat in the hot tub and he noticed a garden gnome, wondering where I had gotten it. I told him Ray had given it to me because he thought I needed someone to watch over me. Bill said he would watch over me, the garden gnome was no longer necessary. Bill and Ray had met. I had shared with Bill my stories of Ray. Ray was at the house finishing up the last list I had for him when Bill came over. I wasn't home at the time, but the stories both shared with me, were of two men who loved a woman and did not want to see her hurt. Each claiming their territory, but only one able to carry through with his promise.
Ray called to tell me he had met "my Bill." I had spoken to him several times as he was still employed by me. He said he had noticed a difference in the way I spoke and the way I looked, "Are you falling in love with him?" he asked one day so casually yet with a wounded heart.
"Yes. He is the man you told me I'd meet one day. He is every thing you shared and I am feeling what you told me I would. I can't believe I doubted you."
"You look so happy, happier than I've seen you in two years, Miss Cindy. You just glow. I had always hoped I would have been that man to make you happy, but I met you too late in life."
"Ray, you lifted me up when I didn't have the strength to get off the ground. You gave me hope that one day I'd meet a man who would steal my heart and you showed me that not all men are assholes, in your own ways, you made me happy and I will never forget you, ever."
I didn't see much of him afterwards. We spoke a few times on the phone, but he had started working for the heart doctor again who had divorced and had a new wife and baby.
I was headed to Springfield, Missouri to spend the weekend with my girlfriend, Mary. I had met her through my work. She was an attorney that we utilized for our files in the State of Missouri. We hit it off from the first time we spoke on the phone and have remained friends since. I missed him so much when I was gone, but I was home in a couple of days and had scored tickets to see Tim Conway and Harvey Korman at the Murat, again, courtesy of Joe.
Whenever we were apart, whether it was due to our work schedules or other obligations, we couldn't wait to see one another. Bill could call me late in the evening after getting home from work, tell me he had a roaring fire and I should be sitting next to him enjoying it and within minutes, I had a bag packed and the dog and I were headed to his house.
It struck me that I refused to go to Jeff's house. I refused to let him have any thing at my house. I wouldn't stay at his house because his son was there, but with Bill? I'd drive to his house at the drop of a suggestion. I'd spend the weekend with his youngest daughter staying there. There was no hesitation, I would go to the end of the Earth for this man and not question or doubt him for a moment.
I had asked Bill to go on the cruise. It was paid for, all we needed to do was take the time from work, but this was his first Thanksgiving in his new home and he wanted to have his family over for dinner but he wanted me to stay home with him. It was too late to cancel my cruise without a very stiff penalty, no refund and no option to transfer the monies to a future cruise. I was torn but it was important to him that I stay home for the holidays and so I did. I never regretted it and later, I wondered if a higher power was not talking to me, telling me that my time was going to be very limited with this man I loved so much.
He knew about my cruise and that I always went to Florida for Christmas. In mid October he came over to my home and we went through my photo albums, learning more about each others life. He suggested that I stay home for Christmas "with a family." I was quick to point out that I did not have "family" to stay home for, my only family was in Florida. Did he want me to find a needy family and stay home with them? I was joking around and making light of his suggestion, he knew what my past Christmas's had been like with Min and "family."
He wanted me to stay home for him and be a part of "his" family. Without hesitation, I said I would. He encouraged me to call him any time, day or night, at home or at work, he was there for me and he asked me if there was any thing that I needed to know about him, I should not hesitate to ask, he wanted to know what was on my mind always. I've kept journals all of my life, that is why I can remember so much, that evening I came home and wrote about our conversation. He wondered what was on my mind but I was afraid to share that I was falling in love and it felt wonderful. It was too early to be feeling this way, but I felt like I had known him forever.
That weekend, my parents came to town, they were on their way to Florida for the winter. Both noticed the changed in their daughter through phone calls and when they saw me, they saw a woman they had never seen before, one that was just beaming with love. The first night they were there, Bill called and we spoke briefly. He said he missed me and that I should be there snuggling with him. He shared, what I was feeling, "We should just be together. I don't like being apart from you." I couldn't leave though, my parents had just arrived.
The next evening, Bill came over. My Mother had told me years before that she didn't want to meet my "boyfriends." She is not comfortable meeting new people, so she is sharp with her tongue to put a distance between us. Had I told her that he was coming, she would have worried every second between that moment and the moment he walked in the door, so I waited and about an hour before he was to arrive with dinner from Smokey Bones, I told her.
I had been sharing with her every thing I knew about him and she had to see that I was over the moon about this man. She mumbled some words as she got up to get ready to meet the man of my dreams.
Bill was quiet. He was soft spoken. But once you got to know him, he was humorous and fun to be with. He could be reserved, he didn't want to share his burdens with you, he wanted to lift you up and support you, no matter what he faced himself that day. He was the host with the most. We were great together. We complimented each other, his weakness were my strengths and vice versa.
He brought a buffet of food for dinner and laid it all out on the counter. My parents enjoyed the spread, they had never had Smokey Bones before, so it was new for them. We played cards, chatted, but he had to leave as he had an early morning.
I missed him. With my parents here, I couldn't take off and spend the hours we were able to sneak in before, given our schedules. The next night he called and we spoke on the phone briefly, he kept telling me how cute and adorable I was and how I belonged next to him. I hung up and my dad suggested that I go, "You belong together, go see him, your mom and I will be OK."
I drove over to his house and surprised him. Being with him was like slipping into your favorite sweatshirt on a brisk fall day, sliding your cold foot in to a warm, worn slipper, he comforted my soul, he brought inner peace to my spirit. He loved me unconditionally.
My parents were there for a week. We met Bill and his youngest daughter for a movie and dinner. As they left, my father gave me a hug and said, "I've never seen you so happy. I'm so glad you have found Bill." Me too.
Bill came over that night after work, we sat in the hot tub and he noticed a garden gnome, wondering where I had gotten it. I told him Ray had given it to me because he thought I needed someone to watch over me. Bill said he would watch over me, the garden gnome was no longer necessary. Bill and Ray had met. I had shared with Bill my stories of Ray. Ray was at the house finishing up the last list I had for him when Bill came over. I wasn't home at the time, but the stories both shared with me, were of two men who loved a woman and did not want to see her hurt. Each claiming their territory, but only one able to carry through with his promise.
Ray called to tell me he had met "my Bill." I had spoken to him several times as he was still employed by me. He said he had noticed a difference in the way I spoke and the way I looked, "Are you falling in love with him?" he asked one day so casually yet with a wounded heart.
"Yes. He is the man you told me I'd meet one day. He is every thing you shared and I am feeling what you told me I would. I can't believe I doubted you."
"You look so happy, happier than I've seen you in two years, Miss Cindy. You just glow. I had always hoped I would have been that man to make you happy, but I met you too late in life."
"Ray, you lifted me up when I didn't have the strength to get off the ground. You gave me hope that one day I'd meet a man who would steal my heart and you showed me that not all men are assholes, in your own ways, you made me happy and I will never forget you, ever."
I didn't see much of him afterwards. We spoke a few times on the phone, but he had started working for the heart doctor again who had divorced and had a new wife and baby.
I was headed to Springfield, Missouri to spend the weekend with my girlfriend, Mary. I had met her through my work. She was an attorney that we utilized for our files in the State of Missouri. We hit it off from the first time we spoke on the phone and have remained friends since. I missed him so much when I was gone, but I was home in a couple of days and had scored tickets to see Tim Conway and Harvey Korman at the Murat, again, courtesy of Joe.
Whenever we were apart, whether it was due to our work schedules or other obligations, we couldn't wait to see one another. Bill could call me late in the evening after getting home from work, tell me he had a roaring fire and I should be sitting next to him enjoying it and within minutes, I had a bag packed and the dog and I were headed to his house.
It struck me that I refused to go to Jeff's house. I refused to let him have any thing at my house. I wouldn't stay at his house because his son was there, but with Bill? I'd drive to his house at the drop of a suggestion. I'd spend the weekend with his youngest daughter staying there. There was no hesitation, I would go to the end of the Earth for this man and not question or doubt him for a moment.
I had asked Bill to go on the cruise. It was paid for, all we needed to do was take the time from work, but this was his first Thanksgiving in his new home and he wanted to have his family over for dinner but he wanted me to stay home with him. It was too late to cancel my cruise without a very stiff penalty, no refund and no option to transfer the monies to a future cruise. I was torn but it was important to him that I stay home for the holidays and so I did. I never regretted it and later, I wondered if a higher power was not talking to me, telling me that my time was going to be very limited with this man I loved so much.
Friday, April 5, 2013
He was here, the man who Ray had told me would show up
Our second date was the beginning of a dream I never wanted to wake up from. Bill came to my house to pick me up and we went to see the movie Matchstick Men with Nicholas Cage. I don't remember a thing about the movie, but I remember we were the only ones in the theater and we acted like two teenagers in love. Afterwards we headed to O'Charley's for a bite to eat.
Bill ordered Quesidillas. I had never had one, but tried them which was so unlike me to try any kind of new food. We sat and talked about every thing, but nothing important. There was just that feeling of comfort, knowing you were sitting with a long lost friend and the conversation came so easy.
We came back to my house and sat on the couch, cuddling as we continued to talk about our life and our past. Hours just melted when we were together. It was Bill's "weekend" and he didn't have to get up to go to work the next day, but I did. We sat on the couch, knowing the night was going to have to end, but not wanting it to. "What are you thinking" I asked as he sat there in the dim lighted room.
"I wonder what it would be like waking up next to you in the morning?" Any other man, I would have had some sarcastic rebuttal for such a lame pick up line, but in my gut, this wasn't a pick up line. History was made and we were never apart from that evening on.
Our schedules were crazy. I was working long hours and Bill had been opening up a new restaurant in Avon, Smokey Bones. He was the General Manager of that location and he was determined to make it a successful opening. He had arranged his schedule so that he could get a Saturday night off.
I had tickets to see Bill Cosby, thanks to my status with my employer, tickets were coming in left and right. Bill would always call me before we were going any where to tell me what he was wearing. I chuckled because I had never met someone who wanted to make sure one of us was not dressed more casual than the other. Our evening with Bill Cosby was perfect.
It started in Broad Ripple, we were dressed up for our evening out. Strolling down the sidewalks, he walked by every restaurant scanning the menus posted outside. He wanted to be sure I was going to enjoy where ever we ate. He took charge, he'd walk in to the establishment and ask for their menu, we'd scan it and would decide whether to stay or go. I don't mind fancy restaurants, but I prefer the hole in the wall or small pubs. We ended up at the Corner Pub for a pork tenderloin sandwich, it wasn't where we ate, or the show we were about to see, it was about being with each other and feeling like we didn't have a care in the world. The date started Saturday night and ended Sunday morning when he had to go to work.
My soul was glowing with happiness. My feet hadn't touched the ground since I had met Bill. My assistant, Chris had noticed how my whole demeanor had lightened up. I told her I had met someone very special, so we went to the restaurant for dinner, he had been having a bad week and had no idea I was coming. He stopped by our table often to check on us and as always, we would be grinning from ear to ear. We were coming up on our first weekend where we would both be off. Bill had planned a get away. All I knew was to be at his house Friday night, the rest was left up to him.
I found a sitter for Precious and headed to his home. It was the first time I had been there. He had placed a vase full of colorful yellow and orange fresh cut flowers on the dining room table for me. Candles glowing, the table set like it was for a special moment in time. He had grilled steaks, made Au Gratin potatoes, green beans and "mistake bread" with brie cheese. Again, on a normal day, I would have only eaten the steak, but he had made this dinner for me and although I had had other men cook for me, he made it romantic with the flowers, table setting, candles and just the attention to detail he had given this moment in time for me.
We got up early the next morning. It was a beautiful sunny fall day. He had washed and polished his Mustang convertible so that we could drive with the top down and soak in the sun. He had planned a day in Brown County, Nashville, Indiana. We arrived about the time the stores were to open and started browsing. We were oblivious to any one around us, we were just so entwined in one another. We discovered we had the same taste in every thing. We shopped the same way, we didn't spend hours looking at nothing, we entered a store and knew within seconds whether we walked further or moved on.
Lunch time was here and we ate at the Ordinary and ordered Burgers. We talked about how natural it was being together and how we had never experienced this before. We had both been in love before, we had both been married twice before, but we had never felt this connection that we were experiencing.
We drove down to Bloomington, he wanted to show me parts of his life, memories he had of a time before. Driving back we talked about our life, continuing to learn so much about one another, but also realizing our lives had been parallel several times. He had been working at the restaurant in the Detroit area that I had eaten lunch at often when I trained in Southfield. He had lived in the Chicago area when I lived there and we both moved back to Indiana about the same time. It was destiny that we were to meet some day.
We got back to his home and he had listened to me. He knew I loved cookies, so he baked them for me. We rented the movie Chicago and he made a home made pizza. We snuggled on the couch and just enjoyed the serenity of two people who felt so comfortable with each other.
Sunday, he surprised me again, he had listened to me as we had shared so much about one another over the last couple of weeks. He got up early and went to the store to buy me the Sunday paper. I love Sunday mornings, getting up and reading the paper. He made homemade cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast, feeding me as I read the paper. He brought out photo albums to share his life story with me, before me were pictures of the cutest little boy who had grown in to this handsome man. I really felt like I was dreaming and I didn't want to wake up.
I met his brother Ned that evening and both of his daughters. He had invited them over for grilled burgers. The weekend was coming to an end and I didn't want to go. I had to go pick up Precious though. I drove home, my heart filled with admiration for this man who was sweeping me off my feet.
He called me when I got home to make sure I was safe and we spoke again about how easy this was, how right it felt. I laid in bed that evening reliving the whole weekend. He was every thing Ray had told me that summer that I would find in a man some day and to think I had doubted him.
Bill ordered Quesidillas. I had never had one, but tried them which was so unlike me to try any kind of new food. We sat and talked about every thing, but nothing important. There was just that feeling of comfort, knowing you were sitting with a long lost friend and the conversation came so easy.
We came back to my house and sat on the couch, cuddling as we continued to talk about our life and our past. Hours just melted when we were together. It was Bill's "weekend" and he didn't have to get up to go to work the next day, but I did. We sat on the couch, knowing the night was going to have to end, but not wanting it to. "What are you thinking" I asked as he sat there in the dim lighted room.
"I wonder what it would be like waking up next to you in the morning?" Any other man, I would have had some sarcastic rebuttal for such a lame pick up line, but in my gut, this wasn't a pick up line. History was made and we were never apart from that evening on.
Our schedules were crazy. I was working long hours and Bill had been opening up a new restaurant in Avon, Smokey Bones. He was the General Manager of that location and he was determined to make it a successful opening. He had arranged his schedule so that he could get a Saturday night off.
I had tickets to see Bill Cosby, thanks to my status with my employer, tickets were coming in left and right. Bill would always call me before we were going any where to tell me what he was wearing. I chuckled because I had never met someone who wanted to make sure one of us was not dressed more casual than the other. Our evening with Bill Cosby was perfect.
It started in Broad Ripple, we were dressed up for our evening out. Strolling down the sidewalks, he walked by every restaurant scanning the menus posted outside. He wanted to be sure I was going to enjoy where ever we ate. He took charge, he'd walk in to the establishment and ask for their menu, we'd scan it and would decide whether to stay or go. I don't mind fancy restaurants, but I prefer the hole in the wall or small pubs. We ended up at the Corner Pub for a pork tenderloin sandwich, it wasn't where we ate, or the show we were about to see, it was about being with each other and feeling like we didn't have a care in the world. The date started Saturday night and ended Sunday morning when he had to go to work.
My soul was glowing with happiness. My feet hadn't touched the ground since I had met Bill. My assistant, Chris had noticed how my whole demeanor had lightened up. I told her I had met someone very special, so we went to the restaurant for dinner, he had been having a bad week and had no idea I was coming. He stopped by our table often to check on us and as always, we would be grinning from ear to ear. We were coming up on our first weekend where we would both be off. Bill had planned a get away. All I knew was to be at his house Friday night, the rest was left up to him.
I found a sitter for Precious and headed to his home. It was the first time I had been there. He had placed a vase full of colorful yellow and orange fresh cut flowers on the dining room table for me. Candles glowing, the table set like it was for a special moment in time. He had grilled steaks, made Au Gratin potatoes, green beans and "mistake bread" with brie cheese. Again, on a normal day, I would have only eaten the steak, but he had made this dinner for me and although I had had other men cook for me, he made it romantic with the flowers, table setting, candles and just the attention to detail he had given this moment in time for me.
We got up early the next morning. It was a beautiful sunny fall day. He had washed and polished his Mustang convertible so that we could drive with the top down and soak in the sun. He had planned a day in Brown County, Nashville, Indiana. We arrived about the time the stores were to open and started browsing. We were oblivious to any one around us, we were just so entwined in one another. We discovered we had the same taste in every thing. We shopped the same way, we didn't spend hours looking at nothing, we entered a store and knew within seconds whether we walked further or moved on.
Lunch time was here and we ate at the Ordinary and ordered Burgers. We talked about how natural it was being together and how we had never experienced this before. We had both been in love before, we had both been married twice before, but we had never felt this connection that we were experiencing.
We drove down to Bloomington, he wanted to show me parts of his life, memories he had of a time before. Driving back we talked about our life, continuing to learn so much about one another, but also realizing our lives had been parallel several times. He had been working at the restaurant in the Detroit area that I had eaten lunch at often when I trained in Southfield. He had lived in the Chicago area when I lived there and we both moved back to Indiana about the same time. It was destiny that we were to meet some day.
We got back to his home and he had listened to me. He knew I loved cookies, so he baked them for me. We rented the movie Chicago and he made a home made pizza. We snuggled on the couch and just enjoyed the serenity of two people who felt so comfortable with each other.
Sunday, he surprised me again, he had listened to me as we had shared so much about one another over the last couple of weeks. He got up early and went to the store to buy me the Sunday paper. I love Sunday mornings, getting up and reading the paper. He made homemade cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast, feeding me as I read the paper. He brought out photo albums to share his life story with me, before me were pictures of the cutest little boy who had grown in to this handsome man. I really felt like I was dreaming and I didn't want to wake up.
I met his brother Ned that evening and both of his daughters. He had invited them over for grilled burgers. The weekend was coming to an end and I didn't want to go. I had to go pick up Precious though. I drove home, my heart filled with admiration for this man who was sweeping me off my feet.
He called me when I got home to make sure I was safe and we spoke again about how easy this was, how right it felt. I laid in bed that evening reliving the whole weekend. He was every thing Ray had told me that summer that I would find in a man some day and to think I had doubted him.
I Met the Love of My Life one Friday Evening in 2003
In the fall of 2003, my life changed. I still hated my job, but my house was a home. I had completed most of the major projects I wanted done. I had been browsing on line for some one different. Jeff was just draining me of energy that I wanted to apply some where else. I had said and done every thing imaginable to make him walk away, but he stayed. I suggested that we not see each other, but every night he'd be there at the house, wondering what was for dinner.
I had bought tickets in early 2003 for a Southern Caribbean cruise. I was scheduled to leave the week of Thanksgiving. But I couldn't see going with Jeff. I wasn't sure who I'd be taking, but he was no longer an option. If that didn't send the message, I wasn't sure what would.
In late August, I noticed a picture of a man who caught my eye. He was so handsome and a smile that just lit up the screen. He was six foot four, athletic and toned, divorced, employed, so far he had a lot going for him. I never responded to the profile, but it kept popping up in my searches like a bad penny. In my wildest dreams, I would never have thought he would find me a "match." I was window shopping and then one day, he "winked." September 8, 2003, we started chatting via instant messenger. His name was "wjkle' and I started to call him "winkie" because that is what I saw when I looked at his username. We chatted for a few days before we exchanged names.
We had different schedules so we were not always on line at the same time. I was concerned that he may not be who he really was as one profile showed that he lived in Nora and yet another site showed him to reside in Indianapolis and yet another, Avon.
Winkie was in the restaurant business. He worked different shifts depending on the schedule. He was the first man I ever dated that didn't have weekends off that coincided with mine. His "weekend" was Tuesday and Wednesday, but once in a while, he had a normal weekend off.
We chatted for several weeks before we decided to meet. Mike and Jackie were coming in for the weekend, Friday, September 26. It was the only night that Winkie and I could meet. I called Jackie and told her I'd be home late as I had a first date that I could not miss.
We met at Outback Steakhouse in Indianapolis. He wore this beautiful cobalt blue button down Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. He had on khaki's and he looked absolutely breathtaking. It was raining outside and he was inside waiting for me as I had to drop off some dry cleaning first. I walked in the restaurant and it was as if I had known him all my life. There was this connection that was immediate, a physical and emotional charge that drew us in to one another and never let us go.
We sat and talked for hours about our lives and where we had been, like two friends who had been apart for a while, catching up on each other's life and savoring the moment you were currently in. Winkie had to get up the next day early for work and I had company waiting for me back home. We didn't want to leave each other, yet we had to. It was so natural, so easy, so comfortable, this was the man that Ray had told me I would meet some day. I felt it in my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.
It was just a downpour when we came out of the restaurant. We slipped out the back door and had to walk down the side of the store before reaching the front where our cars were parked. Arm in arm we walked toward the parking lot, not wanting the evening to end. He offered to walk me to my car, but I said I'd be all right. We stood there just looking at each other, taking in the evening that we had shared, we had made plans to see each other on Tuesday for dinner and a movie. He leaned in to kiss me goodnight and we darted off for our cars. I had not felt his wonderful in a very long time. His name was William, his family and friends called him Bill.
I had bought tickets in early 2003 for a Southern Caribbean cruise. I was scheduled to leave the week of Thanksgiving. But I couldn't see going with Jeff. I wasn't sure who I'd be taking, but he was no longer an option. If that didn't send the message, I wasn't sure what would.
In late August, I noticed a picture of a man who caught my eye. He was so handsome and a smile that just lit up the screen. He was six foot four, athletic and toned, divorced, employed, so far he had a lot going for him. I never responded to the profile, but it kept popping up in my searches like a bad penny. In my wildest dreams, I would never have thought he would find me a "match." I was window shopping and then one day, he "winked." September 8, 2003, we started chatting via instant messenger. His name was "wjkle' and I started to call him "winkie" because that is what I saw when I looked at his username. We chatted for a few days before we exchanged names.
We had different schedules so we were not always on line at the same time. I was concerned that he may not be who he really was as one profile showed that he lived in Nora and yet another site showed him to reside in Indianapolis and yet another, Avon.
Winkie was in the restaurant business. He worked different shifts depending on the schedule. He was the first man I ever dated that didn't have weekends off that coincided with mine. His "weekend" was Tuesday and Wednesday, but once in a while, he had a normal weekend off.
We chatted for several weeks before we decided to meet. Mike and Jackie were coming in for the weekend, Friday, September 26. It was the only night that Winkie and I could meet. I called Jackie and told her I'd be home late as I had a first date that I could not miss.
We met at Outback Steakhouse in Indianapolis. He wore this beautiful cobalt blue button down Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. He had on khaki's and he looked absolutely breathtaking. It was raining outside and he was inside waiting for me as I had to drop off some dry cleaning first. I walked in the restaurant and it was as if I had known him all my life. There was this connection that was immediate, a physical and emotional charge that drew us in to one another and never let us go.
We sat and talked for hours about our lives and where we had been, like two friends who had been apart for a while, catching up on each other's life and savoring the moment you were currently in. Winkie had to get up the next day early for work and I had company waiting for me back home. We didn't want to leave each other, yet we had to. It was so natural, so easy, so comfortable, this was the man that Ray had told me I would meet some day. I felt it in my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him.
It was just a downpour when we came out of the restaurant. We slipped out the back door and had to walk down the side of the store before reaching the front where our cars were parked. Arm in arm we walked toward the parking lot, not wanting the evening to end. He offered to walk me to my car, but I said I'd be all right. We stood there just looking at each other, taking in the evening that we had shared, we had made plans to see each other on Tuesday for dinner and a movie. He leaned in to kiss me goodnight and we darted off for our cars. I had not felt his wonderful in a very long time. His name was William, his family and friends called him Bill.
Marriage isn't for everyone
I had tried online dating. I had met Steve on the site, but we were not a match, we were friends. I thought that my heart was healed to the point that I could open it up to someone. I was not looking to get married at all. I just thought I'd like companionship.
I started sharing emails with a man who remained anonymous. His profile did not have a picture but we could banter back and forth with the best of them. He was a manager for a factory that specialized in Toyota after market car parts and lived north of Muncie. He had been married twice before and had two sons, both grown. We eventually met over dinner and enjoyed each other's company. He was so different from anyone I had dated before. Confidence was not a strong suit for him, yet he treated me respectful and like a woman. He was not my equal though. While we could work together side by side doing home projects, he preferred his woman to cook his meals and clean up after wards.
It didn't bother me at first, but I was working for Joe and I was putting in long hours. Some nights I wouldn't get home until eight thirty. He would drive down to Carmel, an hour from where he lived, after work and wait for me to come home. Not once, did I walk in the door and he not say, "What are you making for dinner."
We had a lot of fun. He was spontaneous and liked to go on a whim. We traveled around the state to go to craft shows where Ray was, to see what he was selling as well as other vendors. We'd stop in these small towns and grab a bite to eat. We found state parks to go hiking in with Precious. We went to home shows, model home shows, boat shows, football games, basketball games and concerts. We took a vacation to Florida to see our folks. We drove down and took Precious. His mom had told him we could stay with the dog, but when we got there, she saw the size of Precious and changed her mind. He refused to stay there, telling his mom that Precious was "our baby" and if she wasn't welcomed neither were we.
I stood there that night in a daze, a man who stood up to his mother, for me! It really was possible. While he loved his parents, there were mixed emotions with both of them. They had divorced years ago, but they treated Jeff differently. He had had acne as a child and his face still had scars from it. His youngest son had been cursed with this as well. Jeff had always been the child that could never please his parents. I found some of his stories hard to believe, but I witnessed how they treated his youngest by praising the oldest on how good looking he was and belittling the youngest for having long hair and bad skin. Parents don't understand how that can impact a child's life and create self confidence issues. That was the root of Jeff's issue, his lack of self confidence from his appearance. I didn't see the scars, I saw the man. Michael had the same issue and again, I saw the man and not the scars.
Jeff wanted to get married. I wasn't ready. He wanted to move in. He was at my house every day and night. I wasn't ready. He eventually got upset that I never came to his house to stay, but his youngest still lived there and I was not comfortable with that arrangement. I had met both of his boys, but I didn't like the idea of "living there" with his son still present.
I would drive up to his house to help him with projects. We tore his bathroom out. I painted the dining room for him, but I was not in the frame of mind to make a commitment. He wanted to move his clothes in so that he didn't have to go home each night and pickup what he needed the next day. I wouldn't let him. It would have been more convenient for him, but it would have meant compromising for me.
I had given up everything for Chappy and look where it got me. I had helped John and was very honest with him about my intentions and that didn't turn out well. I wasn't budging for any man at this point. I used to tease Jeff that I didn't have enough closet space for a man in my house. He suggested we buy our own home. He didn't understand that my heart was only partially open to love, I still wasn't convinced I'd ever fall in love again.
I loved Jeff, but being in love and falling in love are two completely different things to me. Shortly before Christmas in 2002, he had been out shopping that day. We were sitting on the couch watching a movie when he got up to go retrieve some thing from the back bedroom. He was so excited about his "little surprise" that he had bought that day and wanted to share it. He couldn't wait. He handed me a bag from a jewelry store. "I was going to wait until Christmas, but I just can't. I love you so much Cindy."
We had been dating for almost a year. I opened the bag and the little box was nestled in the tissue. A box of chocolates were wrapped up in this package as well. I had no idea what it was, but as I opened it, I saw an engagement ring. My stomach dropped. I wasn't expecting this.
"So when do you want to get married?" He didn't ask me, he just assumed. I had told him repeatedly that I had no interest, but I guess he didn't believe me. I couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life and honestly, I couldn't see myself with any man ever again as husband and wife. The walls had been erected, tiny portholes allowed me to peer out, but I protected my heart from being shattered.
He sat there waiting for an answer, "That's really pretty." I looked at it, closed the box, placed it back in the bag and sat it on the table. He never asked so I had no reply, but he knew, he had overstepped a boundary and things were never the same between us.
We continued to date for another nine months, but it was strained. Every chance I had, I found fault. If I came home and he was waiting for dinner, I would make some sarcastic remark about not being his slave. I became more distant, making myself unavailable and when we were together, I was absent. I wanted him to leave on his own accord. He hung in there for some time. It was after his birthday in 2003 that he got the message that I had lost interest.
I had started searching again on line for some one new. I didn't make a big ordeal out of Jeff's birthday as I had in the past. He wanted a wife and I wanted a companion. He got upset with me one day and thought he'd show me how much I'd miss him if he stopped coming around. His plan backfired, I met the man that I'd clean out a closet and go to the end of the Earth for, I met William John Klebusch.
I started sharing emails with a man who remained anonymous. His profile did not have a picture but we could banter back and forth with the best of them. He was a manager for a factory that specialized in Toyota after market car parts and lived north of Muncie. He had been married twice before and had two sons, both grown. We eventually met over dinner and enjoyed each other's company. He was so different from anyone I had dated before. Confidence was not a strong suit for him, yet he treated me respectful and like a woman. He was not my equal though. While we could work together side by side doing home projects, he preferred his woman to cook his meals and clean up after wards.
It didn't bother me at first, but I was working for Joe and I was putting in long hours. Some nights I wouldn't get home until eight thirty. He would drive down to Carmel, an hour from where he lived, after work and wait for me to come home. Not once, did I walk in the door and he not say, "What are you making for dinner."
We had a lot of fun. He was spontaneous and liked to go on a whim. We traveled around the state to go to craft shows where Ray was, to see what he was selling as well as other vendors. We'd stop in these small towns and grab a bite to eat. We found state parks to go hiking in with Precious. We went to home shows, model home shows, boat shows, football games, basketball games and concerts. We took a vacation to Florida to see our folks. We drove down and took Precious. His mom had told him we could stay with the dog, but when we got there, she saw the size of Precious and changed her mind. He refused to stay there, telling his mom that Precious was "our baby" and if she wasn't welcomed neither were we.
I stood there that night in a daze, a man who stood up to his mother, for me! It really was possible. While he loved his parents, there were mixed emotions with both of them. They had divorced years ago, but they treated Jeff differently. He had had acne as a child and his face still had scars from it. His youngest son had been cursed with this as well. Jeff had always been the child that could never please his parents. I found some of his stories hard to believe, but I witnessed how they treated his youngest by praising the oldest on how good looking he was and belittling the youngest for having long hair and bad skin. Parents don't understand how that can impact a child's life and create self confidence issues. That was the root of Jeff's issue, his lack of self confidence from his appearance. I didn't see the scars, I saw the man. Michael had the same issue and again, I saw the man and not the scars.
Jeff wanted to get married. I wasn't ready. He wanted to move in. He was at my house every day and night. I wasn't ready. He eventually got upset that I never came to his house to stay, but his youngest still lived there and I was not comfortable with that arrangement. I had met both of his boys, but I didn't like the idea of "living there" with his son still present.
I would drive up to his house to help him with projects. We tore his bathroom out. I painted the dining room for him, but I was not in the frame of mind to make a commitment. He wanted to move his clothes in so that he didn't have to go home each night and pickup what he needed the next day. I wouldn't let him. It would have been more convenient for him, but it would have meant compromising for me.
I had given up everything for Chappy and look where it got me. I had helped John and was very honest with him about my intentions and that didn't turn out well. I wasn't budging for any man at this point. I used to tease Jeff that I didn't have enough closet space for a man in my house. He suggested we buy our own home. He didn't understand that my heart was only partially open to love, I still wasn't convinced I'd ever fall in love again.
I loved Jeff, but being in love and falling in love are two completely different things to me. Shortly before Christmas in 2002, he had been out shopping that day. We were sitting on the couch watching a movie when he got up to go retrieve some thing from the back bedroom. He was so excited about his "little surprise" that he had bought that day and wanted to share it. He couldn't wait. He handed me a bag from a jewelry store. "I was going to wait until Christmas, but I just can't. I love you so much Cindy."
We had been dating for almost a year. I opened the bag and the little box was nestled in the tissue. A box of chocolates were wrapped up in this package as well. I had no idea what it was, but as I opened it, I saw an engagement ring. My stomach dropped. I wasn't expecting this.
"So when do you want to get married?" He didn't ask me, he just assumed. I had told him repeatedly that I had no interest, but I guess he didn't believe me. I couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life and honestly, I couldn't see myself with any man ever again as husband and wife. The walls had been erected, tiny portholes allowed me to peer out, but I protected my heart from being shattered.
He sat there waiting for an answer, "That's really pretty." I looked at it, closed the box, placed it back in the bag and sat it on the table. He never asked so I had no reply, but he knew, he had overstepped a boundary and things were never the same between us.
We continued to date for another nine months, but it was strained. Every chance I had, I found fault. If I came home and he was waiting for dinner, I would make some sarcastic remark about not being his slave. I became more distant, making myself unavailable and when we were together, I was absent. I wanted him to leave on his own accord. He hung in there for some time. It was after his birthday in 2003 that he got the message that I had lost interest.
I had started searching again on line for some one new. I didn't make a big ordeal out of Jeff's birthday as I had in the past. He wanted a wife and I wanted a companion. He got upset with me one day and thought he'd show me how much I'd miss him if he stopped coming around. His plan backfired, I met the man that I'd clean out a closet and go to the end of the Earth for, I met William John Klebusch.
I was beginning to live again!
I had not been on a cruise since the Tropical storm adventure with Neal in 1989. I had wanted to go, but just couldn't imagine another nightmare. I had heard that if you wanted to cruise, stay in protected waters, so I booked a weeks cruise to celebrate the end of my marriage and the start of my new life!
I had been treating myself quite nicely each month that check came in. One month I turned my wedding band in to the jewelers and had it melted down. I figured since the marriage melted down, the ring should too. Had a new one made, with the same diamond. Years later, I melted that one down and put the diamond in my ear. I like it there the best. Don't have to look at it.
The cruise was taking off out of Miami, stopping at the private island owned by Royal Caribbean and heading to Grand Cayman, Jamaica and Cozumel. Mike and Jackie had a room down the hall from us and Patty and I had a room with a balcony. It was very nice and I was so looking forward to getting away from every thing.
I believe that in whatever you do, you should have fun and find laughter. Life is too short otherwise. Every night when we went to dinner, I had the same thing. I am not into trying different foods. I am kind of a picky eater and those I traveled with were not. I had steak, potato and bread every night. The waiter wanted me to feel a part of my group as I wanted to start with the main course and not three or four different appetizers, so he would bring me special plates of fresh fruit. By the third night, he knew exactly what I wanted. I kept teasing him about all the flatware on the table, that I didn't need it, so one night I took all of the extra flatware at the table and put it at my place setting. He thought it was quite funny, the Maitre de, did not.
On our stop in Jamaica we went to Dune's River Falls and climbed up the falls which lands you into a maze of craft tents run by the locals. They refuse to let you through without pestering you to look at their art. I had one thing in mind, jewelry. It was my goal to buy me some thing nice every month on my little stipend and thank Chappy for it. This month, besides the cruise, I
thanked him for a Cyma watch and diamond tennis bracelet. I had bought a beautiful gold and silver ring several months earlier, thanks to Chappy! My cruise was one of those Chappy gifts as well. Not to mention the many home improvement projects that I did.
The cruise lines offered you transportation into Ocho Rios,with the caveat that you not leave the area, a head count would be taken when the bus was to depart. Again, I had a problem with authority. I had gone to the store that we had previously purchased jewelry at. I think it was one time when Chappy and I were in Ocho, he bought a watch and I wanted a tanzanite ring. Chappy informed me that he had bought me a ring, my wedding ring and he wasn't buying another one for me. Not a problem, I'll buy it myself! It had been a couple of years, but the store owner remembered me!
I was looking for the watch, but I spotted the bracelet. We made a deal and as I attempted to buy it, the electricity went out and the cash register stopped working. Perhaps that was a sign, but I don't pay attention all the time to those little nuances.
Our bus was going to be leaving soon and I was in a hurry, so the manager told me to come with him to his other store. I went back to the bus and told Patty to tell the driver that the store owner would drop me at the pier and I would catch up with them later. We jumped in his car and we took off. We weren't there long when all hell broke loose. The woman in charge of the people on the bus came in the store cursing at this man. He knew better than to take a tourist in his car to another location. The two bickered back and forth and she told me I
had put myself in danger. I explained that I knew him from a previous trip, but she was not listening to me. Needless to say when I returned to the ship, I heard from my cousin as well. I understand every ones concerns, but I didn't think I had put myself in harms way. I guess you never really know.
The young man who cared for our room found me to be quite funny. He kept wanting to know why I was not traveling with a man. I told him I had not found one worthy. Every night we came into our room, he had turned the beds down and left us an animal made from towels. I loved it and wanted him to
show me how to do this! But the best was the night he left my "perfect" man in my bed. When I opened the door I was a bit taken back, but as I approached the bed, there he was, ready to greet me. It was the best surprise of the week. He had taken time to bring a smile to my face.
Our last destination was Cozumel. I had been snorkling before and loved it. The rest of the troops had not. But we all signed up and took off for an early morning swim. It was just a beautiful day for it. It ended about noon and I wanted to go in to Cozumel, but the others wanted to have lunch and take a nap. Are you crazy? We are here just for today and you are not going to go in to town and see what they have? Nope, lunch and nap time was on their agenda. Adventure was on mine.
I took a taxi into town and started to explore. It was odd to be alone, but this was my new life, an adventure alone. If I wanted to do things, I was going to have to learn to enjoy them by myself. I had lunch, did some shopping, walked along the beach and after several hours returned to the boat for a shower and a steak dinner.
The whole trip was perfect. I gained five pounds that week. Perhaps I was on the mend. Visiting the water brings peace to my soul. It had been eighteen months since that day that Chappy told me he was not happy. I was starting to feel happy again. I was starting to feel alive.
 |
| Heading out to snorkel |
I had been treating myself quite nicely each month that check came in. One month I turned my wedding band in to the jewelers and had it melted down. I figured since the marriage melted down, the ring should too. Had a new one made, with the same diamond. Years later, I melted that one down and put the diamond in my ear. I like it there the best. Don't have to look at it.
The cruise was taking off out of Miami, stopping at the private island owned by Royal Caribbean and heading to Grand Cayman, Jamaica and Cozumel. Mike and Jackie had a room down the hall from us and Patty and I had a room with a balcony. It was very nice and I was so looking forward to getting away from every thing.
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| Table Service for A Queen |
On our stop in Jamaica we went to Dune's River Falls and climbed up the falls which lands you into a maze of craft tents run by the locals. They refuse to let you through without pestering you to look at their art. I had one thing in mind, jewelry. It was my goal to buy me some thing nice every month on my little stipend and thank Chappy for it. This month, besides the cruise, I
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| Jackie, Cindy & Patty |
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| Dripping in Jewels |
I was looking for the watch, but I spotted the bracelet. We made a deal and as I attempted to buy it, the electricity went out and the cash register stopped working. Perhaps that was a sign, but I don't pay attention all the time to those little nuances.
 |
| Patty & Cindy |
Our bus was going to be leaving soon and I was in a hurry, so the manager told me to come with him to his other store. I went back to the bus and told Patty to tell the driver that the store owner would drop me at the pier and I would catch up with them later. We jumped in his car and we took off. We weren't there long when all hell broke loose. The woman in charge of the people on the bus came in the store cursing at this man. He knew better than to take a tourist in his car to another location. The two bickered back and forth and she told me I
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| Let the trip begin! |
The young man who cared for our room found me to be quite funny. He kept wanting to know why I was not traveling with a man. I told him I had not found one worthy. Every night we came into our room, he had turned the beds down and left us an animal made from towels. I loved it and wanted him to
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| My Perfect Man |
Our last destination was Cozumel. I had been snorkling before and loved it. The rest of the troops had not. But we all signed up and took off for an early morning swim. It was just a beautiful day for it. It ended about noon and I wanted to go in to Cozumel, but the others wanted to have lunch and take a nap. Are you crazy? We are here just for today and you are not going to go in to town and see what they have? Nope, lunch and nap time was on their agenda. Adventure was on mine.
 |
| Mike, Jackie, Cindy & Patty |
I took a taxi into town and started to explore. It was odd to be alone, but this was my new life, an adventure alone. If I wanted to do things, I was going to have to learn to enjoy them by myself. I had lunch, did some shopping, walked along the beach and after several hours returned to the boat for a shower and a steak dinner.
The whole trip was perfect. I gained five pounds that week. Perhaps I was on the mend. Visiting the water brings peace to my soul. It had been eighteen months since that day that Chappy told me he was not happy. I was starting to feel happy again. I was starting to feel alive.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Men Rule this World, Step up and Be counted
Terry and I never spoke again after that event. We saw each other in the hall, but we never exchange anything more than hello. He left within the year for another company. Apparently he was struggling to bring in applications as the company eventually chose to close its doors a few years later.
When you are sitting on a secret like I was, you are the luckiest person in the world. Just don't get cocky and go roll the dice at the casino. The company always had tickets to high profile events, basketball, football, baseball, concerts, you name it, they had seats and the best the house had. The policy had been that you put your name in for a drawing and you could win tickets to whatever event you had an interest in. I had put my name in the hats dozens of times and never won, but all of a sudden, I was winning tickets to events I had thrown my name in the hat for and events that I had not!
My new boss, Charlie was weak. He feared Joe. Joe would call you into a meeting and have you take notes, type them up and provide him a copy. Charlie tried that with me and I refused to do it. "Charlie, you called the meeting. I would suspect you had an agenda when you called it so if you didn't take notes as we were talking, I didn't take them either." I was not going to be some shriveling nut in his parade.
Joe was on a rampage one day. I had been called to his office many times once Terry had been removed. Terry shielded me from Joe, or perhaps that was part of his plan, not allowing me to be there when the questions were asked about claims.
Charlie always accompanied me when I got called to the white pillar office. Joe tried very hard to be intimidating, but one has to allow ones self to be intimidated and I never have been. I knew what he detested and I'd wait for the moment to play the card. He was very into personal space and body language. He hated for any one to pull the chair closer to his desk and God forbid you to put a cup on his desk top!
This was after the ashes settled and Joe realized I was still standing. He'd been making sure I had tickets to what ever show I wanted. We had a discussion about the salary cut he gave me for the car and I informed him I lost money on that deal, he reinstated the salary cut, "Are you happy now?" Jeez, I just wanted to be treated fairly and I had not been.
He was riding me hard, trying to break me and I wouldn't. I was depending on Cheryl though to step up to the plate as I was on the broiler and she threw the old "if I had a gun, I'd kill her" comment out there. I didn't have time for this pettiness, I was dancing with the devil and was determined to win.
When we would go into these meetings with Joe, Charlie didn't say a word, just yes, sir and no, sir. He took his copious little notes and had them typed and delivered within the hour. It was pathetic.
I on the other hand, would go toe to toe with him. I was not backing down if he was wrong. Many times it was a fight to see who was going to back down first. But this day, I had been tired of being called up to his office over nothing. As we rode the elevator up to the seventh floor, Charlie spoke, " Cindy, I'm going to give you a word of advise, I learned it a long time ago, just let him say what he has to say and walk away. Don't argue with him, you'll never win. Take your beating and he'll let you go. Open your mouth and you'll never leave."
"So if her calls me a stupid bitch, I just sit there and take that? Is that what you are saying?"
"I'm saying, take the beating. You will never win."
We opened the door and I sat down. OK. I'll give this a try. He started in and he was way off base with the facts as he was presenting them. I crossed my arms in front of me and must have rolled my eyes or sighed because the next thing I knew he jumped up from his chair, slammed the door to the office, came back to the chair and leaned across the desk at me, "I'm tired of walking on fucking eggshells with you! You want to be a part of the man's world, then you are going to learn to deal with the men that run this world."
I just sat there. "You don't think I can tell what message you are sending to me with your arms crossed, rolling your eyes when I'm talking to you."
"I am not sending any message to you, Joe. I'm just sitting her listening to you." If I wanted to send a message, my fingers were dancing to send a set of twins his way, but they didn't.
He started to rip me up one side and down the other and I just sat there. My insides were about to explode, but I took Charlie's advise. "I'm talking to you, Cindy, what you don't have an opinion today? You don't want to share with me what you are thinking? So you are just going to sit there closed off to me?"
"No, Joe, no opinion."
"I find that hard to believe! You always have some thing to say, what the hell is wrong with you today that you don't have an opinion?"
Oh, I had an opinion, but Charlie told me to take my beating and I'd get out of there sooner than later. Sorry, Charlie, but this isn't working for me.
"I was told to just come in here, take my beating and leave, so if you could tell me what is on your mind, I'd like to get back to work."
Charlie sat next to me, I could see him melt on to the floor as I spoke those words. "Who told you to not say any thing? You've never come into this office and just sat here, who, who told you?"
"Charlie. He told me that I would never win, so to just keep quiet. Are we done yet?"
He lost it! I can't help that my message was dripping with sarcasm. It is just who I am. " So that is how you want to play this, huh? Cindy?"
Oh this is just not me! I stood up, I moved my chair right up to his desk and I put my glass on the desktop. I leaned in on the desk, my arm supporting me, I was getting into his personal space. Charlie was quivering behind me, taking notes of whatever he was witnessing, I'm assuming.
"I never asked you to walk on fucking eggshells with me. That was your doing. You're scared shit less that I'll go to the Board and blow the whistle on the shenanigans that Terry pulled, so you have to be nice to me and it's just eating you alive. I didn't ask to be put in that situation and I saved your ass, if the board ever found out, I had the paper trail to sink Terry, your scape goat. So whatever you have to say, say it, but you better know that I'm not going to sit here like Charlie and lick my wounds. I will take you on toe to toe if you are wrong and today, you've got your facts screwed up!"
He sat back for a moment and I was planning on how I could pack my office up quickly once he fired me. He didn't though. "There's the Cindy I know, don't listen to Charlie, you got something to say, say it! You can go, close the door when you leave, Charlie, you need to stay."
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when I walked out of that office! I was tired of being the woman that men walked on. I was tired of playing the game. I didn't have any thing to lose, I had a big check coming in every month, perhaps that is why my balls were so big that day, or perhaps I had let Joe know that I could play in the world that men thought they ruled.
When you are sitting on a secret like I was, you are the luckiest person in the world. Just don't get cocky and go roll the dice at the casino. The company always had tickets to high profile events, basketball, football, baseball, concerts, you name it, they had seats and the best the house had. The policy had been that you put your name in for a drawing and you could win tickets to whatever event you had an interest in. I had put my name in the hats dozens of times and never won, but all of a sudden, I was winning tickets to events I had thrown my name in the hat for and events that I had not!
My new boss, Charlie was weak. He feared Joe. Joe would call you into a meeting and have you take notes, type them up and provide him a copy. Charlie tried that with me and I refused to do it. "Charlie, you called the meeting. I would suspect you had an agenda when you called it so if you didn't take notes as we were talking, I didn't take them either." I was not going to be some shriveling nut in his parade.
Joe was on a rampage one day. I had been called to his office many times once Terry had been removed. Terry shielded me from Joe, or perhaps that was part of his plan, not allowing me to be there when the questions were asked about claims.
Charlie always accompanied me when I got called to the white pillar office. Joe tried very hard to be intimidating, but one has to allow ones self to be intimidated and I never have been. I knew what he detested and I'd wait for the moment to play the card. He was very into personal space and body language. He hated for any one to pull the chair closer to his desk and God forbid you to put a cup on his desk top!
This was after the ashes settled and Joe realized I was still standing. He'd been making sure I had tickets to what ever show I wanted. We had a discussion about the salary cut he gave me for the car and I informed him I lost money on that deal, he reinstated the salary cut, "Are you happy now?" Jeez, I just wanted to be treated fairly and I had not been.
He was riding me hard, trying to break me and I wouldn't. I was depending on Cheryl though to step up to the plate as I was on the broiler and she threw the old "if I had a gun, I'd kill her" comment out there. I didn't have time for this pettiness, I was dancing with the devil and was determined to win.
When we would go into these meetings with Joe, Charlie didn't say a word, just yes, sir and no, sir. He took his copious little notes and had them typed and delivered within the hour. It was pathetic.
I on the other hand, would go toe to toe with him. I was not backing down if he was wrong. Many times it was a fight to see who was going to back down first. But this day, I had been tired of being called up to his office over nothing. As we rode the elevator up to the seventh floor, Charlie spoke, " Cindy, I'm going to give you a word of advise, I learned it a long time ago, just let him say what he has to say and walk away. Don't argue with him, you'll never win. Take your beating and he'll let you go. Open your mouth and you'll never leave."
"So if her calls me a stupid bitch, I just sit there and take that? Is that what you are saying?"
"I'm saying, take the beating. You will never win."
We opened the door and I sat down. OK. I'll give this a try. He started in and he was way off base with the facts as he was presenting them. I crossed my arms in front of me and must have rolled my eyes or sighed because the next thing I knew he jumped up from his chair, slammed the door to the office, came back to the chair and leaned across the desk at me, "I'm tired of walking on fucking eggshells with you! You want to be a part of the man's world, then you are going to learn to deal with the men that run this world."
I just sat there. "You don't think I can tell what message you are sending to me with your arms crossed, rolling your eyes when I'm talking to you."
"I am not sending any message to you, Joe. I'm just sitting her listening to you." If I wanted to send a message, my fingers were dancing to send a set of twins his way, but they didn't.
He started to rip me up one side and down the other and I just sat there. My insides were about to explode, but I took Charlie's advise. "I'm talking to you, Cindy, what you don't have an opinion today? You don't want to share with me what you are thinking? So you are just going to sit there closed off to me?"
"No, Joe, no opinion."
"I find that hard to believe! You always have some thing to say, what the hell is wrong with you today that you don't have an opinion?"
Oh, I had an opinion, but Charlie told me to take my beating and I'd get out of there sooner than later. Sorry, Charlie, but this isn't working for me.
"I was told to just come in here, take my beating and leave, so if you could tell me what is on your mind, I'd like to get back to work."
Charlie sat next to me, I could see him melt on to the floor as I spoke those words. "Who told you to not say any thing? You've never come into this office and just sat here, who, who told you?"
"Charlie. He told me that I would never win, so to just keep quiet. Are we done yet?"
He lost it! I can't help that my message was dripping with sarcasm. It is just who I am. " So that is how you want to play this, huh? Cindy?"
Oh this is just not me! I stood up, I moved my chair right up to his desk and I put my glass on the desktop. I leaned in on the desk, my arm supporting me, I was getting into his personal space. Charlie was quivering behind me, taking notes of whatever he was witnessing, I'm assuming.
"I never asked you to walk on fucking eggshells with me. That was your doing. You're scared shit less that I'll go to the Board and blow the whistle on the shenanigans that Terry pulled, so you have to be nice to me and it's just eating you alive. I didn't ask to be put in that situation and I saved your ass, if the board ever found out, I had the paper trail to sink Terry, your scape goat. So whatever you have to say, say it, but you better know that I'm not going to sit here like Charlie and lick my wounds. I will take you on toe to toe if you are wrong and today, you've got your facts screwed up!"
He sat back for a moment and I was planning on how I could pack my office up quickly once he fired me. He didn't though. "There's the Cindy I know, don't listen to Charlie, you got something to say, say it! You can go, close the door when you leave, Charlie, you need to stay."
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when I walked out of that office! I was tired of being the woman that men walked on. I was tired of playing the game. I didn't have any thing to lose, I had a big check coming in every month, perhaps that is why my balls were so big that day, or perhaps I had let Joe know that I could play in the world that men thought they ruled.