Office Politics - Like a Cat covering a turd, some one's always covering some thing up

Some one needed to teach Terry the ropes of the business.  That is why Dave was placed in the position as the claims manager. He'd be in the office and could assist Terry with the transition.  It did not become crystal clear to me until Terry took me aside and wanted to know why I could not get applications in the door.  He set up an appointment with an old friend who was an agent in Fort Wayne, he wanted all the agents there for a round table and he gave a presentation.  Within minutes after the presentation, the agents were flipping applications on the table and walking out.  I discovered he had asked his friend a favor, have the application filled out before he got there. He wanted to impress me, to show me  how easy it was.  It was underhanded, but that was beside the point.

I was looking at them on the drive home and noted we didn't write a lot of the business that the applications were for.  "I told you to bring me five applications a week, Cindy.  I didn't say they had to be for business we wrote."

That made no sense to me. I didn't have to worry though, come Monday morning he informed me I'd be the claims manager again and then he shared with me his secret.  I would be given so much a month in money to reserve on claims, regardless of whether I needed more, he would give me a figure and I had to keep the reserve within that amount.  He was manipulating the experience mod and I knew it meant trouble in the long run. A reserve is money an insurance company sets aside to pay a claim.  It is evaluated for what it is worth and that money is not to be used for any other reason. If he had made a promise that he  could improve the loss ratio, this was how he was going to do it.

"What's in it for me?" I asked.  I  knew he'd hang me out to dry if this went south, so I needed to know what he had in mind.

"Your job."

"I already told you, I don't need this job and you are asking me to compromise my values.  I am  not comfortable with that."

"How about for every month you do as you are  told, I'll give you an extra day off."

I had to think about  this.  I knew the case load was old and so there was a lot of money that could be closed down, again, it is all in  the timing.  You have to play a game of robbing Peter to pay Paul.  I figured I had four months before the game became very difficult to play."

"What happens when I can't do what you are asking?"

"You'll get fired." He said it so matter of fact it chilled my bones.  He didn't know who he was playing with.

"OK. You let me know each month what I need to do and I'll give it my best, in return, a day off every month I hit it."

We agreed and I started cleaning house.  There was a lot of fluff in reserves as files had been open longer than they needed to be.  I wasn't dumb though.  Terry's office was right next door to mine.  We had a great relationship, but  every month I needed the number, I emailed him and every month, he responded with the number and it was always the same, $150,000.00.

I was doing fine until April.  Had I not had a royal dress down from Joe, the President, prior to Terry's hiring, I could have made it last longer, but I knew Joe was watching closely to see if the claims were being addressed.

In April, I sent Terry an email and asked for the number.  It was the same and I reserved more than what he gave me, I had to.  He wrote back a scathing email that stated if I didn't do what he said, he'd "fire me."

This went on for eighteen months.  Senior Management had just met with the Board to announce how great we were doing.  Terry's number manipulation was working on paper, but not in real life. I kept a log of files that were under reserved taped on my computer so when I closed a file, I could transfer that money to the file. It was an accounting nightmare.

Several month's Terry would be out of the office and would call me with the number, I made a  note of the date and time so that if I needed to, I could give this information to whomever would want it, so they could listen to the phone conversation of him giving me the directive.

After that first audit, they were to re-audit the files six months later, but they didn't feel the need, they had hired a new general manager and by the looks on paper, he was doing a great job.  Eighteen months later, they came into my office to inform me they were going to audit my files.  I took the list taped on my computer and handed it to the Senior Vice President, "You might want to start with these, they are extremely under reserved."

He looked at me puzzled. "What do  you mean? Why are they not reserved right?"

"I have been told for the last eighteen months just how much money I have to put up each month.  Apparently, we don't have the money to reserve them."

Again, he looked perplexed, "We don't have the money?  Who told  you this?"

"Terry."

"Why didn't you come to us when this was happening and tell us?"

"Well, you audited these files in November 2001 and I got a royal dress down for someone else's work.  You transferred me to another department for a month and hired a new general manager who told me that I'd better do what he said,  or he would fire me.  I expected you to re-audit those files six months later and you would have seen the writing on the wall, but you didn't come back for eighteen months and now there is a major problem."

"You should have  told someone."

"I was new.  No one came to me to see how things were going and I sure wasn't going to go to Joe after he beat me down for work I didn't perform. No, this is on the big guys who turned their back on the new manager they hired to clean things up.  He cleaned things up, trust me.  And if you want, I'll give you the paper trail and the phone calls.  I have been keeping track since the day he started."

"I don't believe you, I need to talk to Joe and get back with you."

I waited long enough for him to get back to his ivory pillar and then I started sending every email that I had sent to Terry and his response one by one to the Vice President.  I sent an email listing all the phone calls, the time and dates they took place and I sat back and waited. I was not going down for anyone.

Terry was called up first. He came back and closed his door.  I was called up next.  He hung me out to dry.  He told them after he was confronted that he "would talk to me as I must have misunderstood his directive." The problem was me.

They called me in and told me what he said. "Are you trying to get me to confess to something?  I think the documents speak for themselves and the month in April 2002, that I did not follow his directive, there is the email that threatens my employment.  I'm thinking you may want to rethink this, cause I have these emails off site in case you want to do any more manipulating."

I was told to have no  contact with Terry until this investigation was over.  Terry, who was extremely cocky stayed behind closed doors for two days and then he asked me to come into his office and he closed the door.

"You know the shit has hit the fan?  We have to get our stories straight so that we are both on the same page. What have you told them?"

I got up and strolled to the window, looking at downtown Indianapolis. "It's going to be another beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Cindy, I don't care about the fucking weather, we need to make a plan here and stick to it to save both of our asses!"

"Terry, I've been told to not talk to you about work.  I can talk about the weather, I can talk about your daughters and I can talk about moles in you back yard, but I will not talk  about work."  I walked to the  door and left.

By the end of the week, they had concluded their investigation.  I am surprised it took that long.  Joe came into my office and closed the door.  My office was like a sauna on a good day but when you closed the door, oy it turned into a broiler.  Joe, who had played professional baseball for a short period of time, was Italian, slicked hair, fake tan, well groomed, athletic and toned, capped teeth, he was the image of what one would expect a wealthy man to look like, but he had that vertically challenge thing working against him.

He wanted to know why I had taken notes as soon as I started working for Terry.  "Cindy, I hired this man and I never suspected he'd pull this! I checked his credentials, nothing but stellar comments, how did you know to start keeping track of this from day one?"

"Never trust some one who threatens your livelihood or asks you to compromise your values and I've been around the block long enough that I knew his cards would tumble and he'd hang me out to dry because I was the one responsible for changing the reserve.  I figured if you guys came back in six  months like you had promised me you would, this would have been detected, but you weren't watching the hen house and shit happened."

"When I was younger, I would have fired him on the spot, but he's got a family and kids going to college.  I can't do that."

I was thinking if the shoe were on my foot, he'd have fired me in a nano second, but he didn't hire me, someone else did.  I wondered what it was like to be in the good old boy club, where you watch each others backs.  Had I not had all of this documented, I would have emptied my office the day they discovered this.

"I'm going to give Terry a lateral transfer to sales and you will report to Charlie.  You'll have to help  him, he doesn't know much about comp and he and Terry are good pals, so he's going to be taken back by this bit of news. You will remain the claims manager and I'd like for you to get these files reserved as soon as possible."

"OK."

"And Cindy, we keep this between  us.  I just reported to the Board that we were a million in the black, I don't want to have to report to them that I was wrong."

So, now I'm covering your ass.  Interesting how office politics play out.  You never know if one day the man you report to will be under you or higher up on the ladder, but  one thing for sure, they all want you to cover their tracks when the shit hits the fan.

You can't intimidate this woman, she's seen it all...but go ahead, give it a shot

I hated my job.  My boss had held my position prior to a promotion.  He didn't give me all the files when I started, he informed me that he had to bring them up to speed and he'd transfer them when he accomplished that.  That is not  what happened, he transferred them to me when he'd get an irate injured worker on the phone that he'd neglected and he'd pawn them off on me with the excuse that I was new and wasn't on top of my files yet.  My assistant quit within the first ten days I was on the job.  She had grown tired of being blamed for his lack of attention to the files as well.

An internal audit of the files was being done without my knowledge.  I was called in to the President's office just before Thanksgiving and given the royal dress down for the files being in such poor shape.  I had been with the company for six weeks and he thought I should have been more on top of the caseload.  I tried to explain to him that I had not been assigned all of the files yet, they were being doled out to me whenever they were on fire, but he didn't care.  I was the manager and I'd better figure out how to do my job.  He was man of smaller stature.  He was apparently suffering the same disease that most men suffer who are vertically challenged.  I had seen it before and I'd see it several more times in my career.

I didn't need to work.  I had my house and the monthly check from Chappy was enough to keep me from living in poverty.  I had even considered quitting but when I returned from my cruise, I discovered I was temporarily without a position.

My immediate boss, Dave came into my office and closed the door.  "I have a bit of bad news, I'm the new claims manager."

I had just returned from a week in the sun and my brain was not that fried to understand, you could not have two claims managers. "So, what does that make me?"

"I really don't know, Cindy, they like you and they are looking for a spot to put you in.  Don't worry, it'll all work out" and he turned to walk out of my office.

It was one in the afternoon. Did they expect me to just return to working diligently as if nothing happened?  I closed my door and called a new friend in my life, his name was Steve and he was an attorney.  He listened to me while I told him what had been happened and he gave me words of encouragement and some legal advise, just in case I needed it.

I went home that night not knowing what to expect and when I  returned the next day I was summoned to the President's office.  He had shared that Dave was not working out as the General Manager and so he would be taking the claims department back over, but they had an offer for me, if I was interested in it.  "We want you to do sales.  Go on the road and get agents interested in writing business with us.  Most of these agents don't understand they have a contract with us and we need to remind them of who were are."

I knew nothing about sales.  I had no clue what was expected of me.  "We need you to make ten to fifteen sale calls a week and bring us five applications a week for processing."

I had worked in an agency before, this didn't sound too difficult.  The downside was that they were deducting five thousand from my salary and giving me a company car.  I didn't want a car, I had just bought a  new Bravada that wasn't two years old yet.  I didn't need two cars.  I was furious inside. This was not the plan for me, but come Monday morning, I spent a day learning all about sales, Tuesday, I made appointments and Wednesday, I hit the pavement. Clueless about what I was doing.

I did this for a week when the light bulb went off.  I met the new General Manager. He called each of us in his office.  No one knew that he'd been hired.  He was just there one Monday morning.  I entered and closed the door.  The first question from his mouth told me all I needed to know about him, he was working from a base of intimidation.  He met the wrong women.

"Cindy, do you have a mortgage?  Bills that need to be paid every month?"

"I think we all do, don't you?"

"Well then you need your job, so you'll do exactly what I say, won't you?"

"Terry, let me explain some thing to you.  I don't need this job, in fact two weeks ago, I thought about resigning, but I thought I'd give this sales gig a try.  And just so you know, I make more money a month in spousal support than I do in my paycheck, so no, I don't need this job. I work because it keeps my mind occupied."

He wasn't expecting that one! "Well, you are in a good position than to bargain."

"I don't bargain over business ethics that isn't right. If you are going to ask me to do something that is unethical, you might as well fire me now."

"I like your spunk.  Keep your nose cleaned and we'll go places with this company" and he proceeded to tell me what he expected from me.

I wasn't in the office except on Friday's and every Friday was the same. I didn't have any new applications.  No one knew they had a contract with us.  And the company only wanted me to call on agents within a sixty mile radius of Indianapolis, which didn't give me a lot to work with. Some thing was not right and soon it would be exposed to me.

A Bushel full of wisdom shared from a dear friend

Ray was the same age as Killer.  He was a retired police officer from Beech Grove. He had to retire as he had had several heart attacks.  His first one was as a teenage boy.  He was a "ray" of hope.  He came over to see what I needed done on a Saturday.  I had a list, first things first, I wanted the cabinet built and the oven microwave installed.  He quoted me a price and I could hardly believe it.  It was so inexpensive!  Within a week, he called, he'd be there on Saturday to install the new cabinet.  

Before

He brought this cabinet in and it was flawless.  It matched the old cupboards almost to perfection.  By the end of the day, I had this beautiful cupboard just as I had designed and envisioned.

He asked me if there was any thing else I needed to have done.  I showed him my list and he wanted to know if I wanted to hire him, "Twenty dollars a  hour for a pretty lady like you."

I couldn't beat that considering I had been paying seventy five and not getting this quality of work.  He installed the counter, put in a new sink and

After

faucet. My list was endless.  We'd go out and sit on the deck, him with coffee and me with my Pepsi and just talk about our lives.  He had three children and several grandchildren.  He'd been married to his wife forever.  They had a craft business that  kept him busy, but he loved doing odd jobs, having just finished working for a heart doctor for several years remodeling their home and recovering from carpal tunnel syndrome, when his son called to tell him about this woman who needed his help.

Every Saturday he'd come to my house early.  I still wasn't eating much and he

Living room before I moved in

noticed. Breakfast was delivered and he insisted that I eat.  He started working at the house during the week when I was at the office.  I'd come home to find a meal in the refrigerator from some where he had gone to pick it up for me and always a flower, a single one in a glass, nothing special, but so thoughtful.

He told  me I was too pretty to be sad. He loved to see me smile and laugh but he didn't see it often. I came home one day from work, it was the first time he had seen me dressed up and he was surprised at how beautiful I really was.

Living room after

"Cindy Marie, are you telling me  that Chappy left this?  The man is a fool girl, just a fool. Some day, you be patient and you'll find a man who will take care of you like you should be taken care of.  You have my word on that."

"Ray, there is no man out there that I suspect will fill those shoes.  My mom has always said, "same bullshit, different face" and I'm beginning to believe her."

"Have patience, girl, he's out there."  He spoke to me as if I were his daughter. He treated me as if I were a Queen. Nothing was out of reach for his Cindy Marie.  We worked side by side doing these projects.  He was amazed at how much I already knew about home improvement. And in awe of the ideas I had and how well thought out I had them. We worked well together knocking this list off.

Back yard - before

When he'd knock one list off, I'd have another and no matter how I wanted it, he figured it out.  I  designed the deck and patio, he built it.  I designed the shed, he said it was impossible, he and I built it.  I wanted doors on my shed that were different.  I drew them up, he figured out how to build it.  He built me a pergola for my backyard. Free of charge, he thought  it would look nice.

The first summer I was in the house, I had thirty yards of top soil delivered to fill in the back yard where the land was low and water collected.  I moved the first twenty by wheel barrow.  Ray would be at the house, knocking off the list I had and I was hauling dirt.

Back yard - after

He came by the next Saturday with a gift.  He bought me a riding lawn mower and gave me a trailer that he had built and no longer needed.  It was too much, but he said he bought himself a new one and this was his old one.  He hated seeing me work so hard.  I loved my tractor and trailer.  It used to take me most of the day to mow the yard with my push lawn mower and now I could have it done in half of the time.

There is  farm land behind my home.  I cut a path through the brush and laid a trail of used lumber so that my wheelbarrow did not get stuck in the mud and I hauled out boulders and rocks to build a rock wall.  I wonder how I managed to get them free from the dirt, let a lone in the wheelbarrow and back through the thick of it. I had twenty yards of mulch delivered and I hauled that in my new trailer.  I planted tons of new bushes with the hope that one day I'd have a masterpiece to admire from my deck.

Back of house - before

Back of house - after

Ray became a regular at my house. He was there every night for the most part when I came home to tell me what he had done and say goodnight and there most of the weekend helping me get my house perfect to call it my  home.  He always brought me surprises.  He knew all kinds of people and would come across deals and thought of me.  He thought I needed a gas grill, so he bought me a little one that was just big enough for me.  I preferred charcoal, but he thought I needed this.  He always had something to brighten my day.  Even if it were just a kind word.  We were building the shed in the spring of 2003, my parents were visiting and they just thought Ray was a gift from heaven for me.

Just keeps getting better

He was working in the heat and I could sense he was getting tired.  I had him sit down and brought him a cold cloth and some water.  We were sitting out on the glider under the pergola he had built for me, "Cindy Marie, do you think it is possible to love two women at the same time?"

"I don't know, Ray, but I have loved two men at the same time. I guess it could be, but its not always right."

"Cindy Marie, I  think I've fallen in love with you."

"Ray, I think you've had too much sun.  Now let's get back to work." While I noticed all the kind gestures, I didn't notice the man who delivered them. The moment passed, he continued to work for me through the summer of 2003 when the list was done and nothing else needed to be checked off.  I have wonderful memories of that man.  Wonderful memories and a bushel full of wisdom that he shared with me.

Handymen - When you find a good one, keep him busy

I was getting there.  Step by step.  I wanted to do some work in the house before I moved in.  I had hardwood floors refinished, new carpet laid, painted the ceilings family room. I had Pergo floors installed in the kitchen and dining area. I ordered glass  custom cut to put in the kitchen cupboard doors to give it a more updated look. I ordered a new kitchen counter top and new light fixtures in the dining room and canned lights for the kitchen. I special ordered a oven microwave combo to have installed later. I had french doors installed where the sliding glass door was.  I worked every night after work and every weekend from sun up to sun up. I was determined to get my life back on track and settled in.

I had no plans to ever move again. I was tired of moving. I had the moving van scheduled.  I had rented a U-haul to move all the boxes in Jackie's basement.  Moving day was here and nothing went right. My cousin is a big believer of Feng Shui. She would spend hours reading books on this topic and applying different techniques of it to her home.

She happened to have a book with her and she mapped my house to know where I needed to have positive energy.  Her focus was to relieve the stress of the day as every thing that  could go wrong was happening.   She told me I needed the front door to be painted burgundy. The color would bring harmony and peace.  Are you kidding me?  

"Jackie, I'm moving! I don't have time to paint the fucking door some color to  let the positive chi move freely! I've got to get the truck unloaded!" I know she was trying to help, but the color of the door was not going to change my luck at the moment.

"You don't have to paint it, just throw some thing over it that is burgundy, don't you have burgundy towels?"

"You are serious? You think throwing a bath towel over the door is all of a sudden going to make this black cloud I'm living under disappear?"  She was living in another world.

"Let me try." Knock yourself out, towel woman!  She took a bath towel and flung it over the front door and within minutes things started to go smoother. I don't believe the towel had a thing to do with it, I'm thinking I had run out of bad luck, so the only thing left was good luck.

Painting the door was the first thing on my list.  She insisted that I paint it some shade of burgundy. It's been painted that way for many years now, can't say it has kept the positive chi floating in the house, but again, I never open that door.  Who knows? It might be stacked on the stoop waiting for the door to open so it can spread its wings and fly!

I had negotiated time off with my new position.  Like the three year hiatus I had been on had not been enough, but I had booked a cruise and was determined to celebrate my new life.  Mike and Jackie were going with me. I invited Patty to join us, a token of my appreciation for allowing me to live with her for several weeks while I moved into my home.

I was about to learn a very hard lesson that I continue to learn.  Do not trust anyone.  I had hired a firm that strictly did handyman work.  I needed extra hands to do a lot of the work and I was on a tight time schedule.  They installed canned lights in the kitchen, replaced the dining room light, hung the french doors and they were to install my counter top, but the counter top had been delivered twice and both times it was wrong.

It was early December and I wanted this done before I left on the cruise. The counter top was delivered and as they walked up the driveway they dropped it. Three counter tops.  I had been without one for over a month. I couldn't understand it, I painted the door for cripes sake! Where was this positive energy that was supposed to help me out?

I had drawn up plans for a custom cabinet I wanted it built to house the oven microwave combo.  The supervisor who was working for the handyman shop needed cash, so we struck a deal, I'd pay him cash on the side, if he'd do the work and have the work completed by the time I returned from my vacation.

We signed a contract and I paid him as he needed cash now.  He'd been at my house for over a month and I trusted him to be in the house alone. I left on the cruise and was excited to return to my new kitchen. 

The week was over and I headed home, expecting to open the door and find every thing in its place.  The first thing I spotted was the oven microwave combo sitting in the middle of the floor just like I had left it. My stomach dropped to the floor.  I walked through the laundry room, the cupboard was not built, the counter top not finished, but a note laid on the  counter top, "I'm sorry. I couldn't finish the job, my dad died and I needed the money."  

I was fuming.  I was tired of living in this house that was torn up and I wanted the kitchen done.  I called him and he refused to answer the phone.  I called the company he had worked for and he had just stopped coming into work one day.  I could not hold them accountable, he was not supposed to be working on the side.  I was screwed.  Fifteen hundred dollars and just a few things knocked off my list.

I hired another company that did similar work.  The young man that came to my house was a Godsend.  I had told him about my situation with the other man. He told me that I was wasting my money hiring these handymen for seventy five dollars an hour. He knew he was one of them, but I was too nice.  He had someone in mind that could help me and within a few days he introduced me to his father, Ray.  What a treasure I found in this man, he was just what I  needed at a time my life was so dark. He worked exclusively for  me for the next two years.

The World was a different place

I had accepted a claims manager position for Baldwin & Lyons in downtown Indianapolis. Was it my dream job? No. It would allow me to get under my own roof, one box at a time.

I had interviewed for the job in August and never heard back from them. Then in mid September they called for a second interview. I drove down and stayed with Patty. I had met Patty through Chappy.  She had been one of his accounts when he first moved to Indianapolis and we ended up working together for Maryland Casualty for a brief period when we moved to Fishers in 1994.

I didn't have a place to stay, I hadn't found the house yet, but Patty said I could live with her until I found a home. I am so grateful to those who helped me along the way.  It's not that I couldn't have come up with other options, but it was one less thing I had to deal with on a plate I thought was overflowing.

I was slated to start work on Tuesday, September 24, 2001. The world was a different place that day, just a day shy of two weeks, we had all witnessed devastation in our backyard. It was like watching a movie. People glued to television sets watching that footage over and over.  In a matter of minutes our lives trembled from a distance as we watched our fellow Americans explode in this attack on  America.  This was not an accident, this was a  precision plan, executed to the second. In a matter of one hundred and fifty seven minutes, we witnessed two airplanes colliding into the World Trade Center, less than twenty minutes apart, within that hour, two more plans would shatter our faith in peace as a plane soared in to the Pentagon and another in a field southwest of Pittsburgh. 

Life would never be the same for anyone who called themselves an American. It was a Wednesday morning, it would have been my ninth wedding anniversary.  I hadn't been able to sleep the night before so I was still in bed when Jackie came into my bedroom screaming, "You've got to get up, oh my God, Cindy, Oh my God, you are not going to believe what is going on!"

I came into the living room where the television was on and I sat there watching this footage of the planes crashing in to the World Trade Center.  I couldn't believe my eyes as she told me what had transpired that morning.  I felt as though time had stopped, a moment for us to pause and thank God we were safe, and pray for those who were not.

I heard of the plane that had departed from Boston and my heart sunk. That is where Chappy lived, was he on that plane? Was he OK? I called him, but his phone went to voice mail.  The flight was headed to Los Angeles.  That was not part of his territory, so I was sure he was safe.  John  called to tell us he was fine. He was shaken as he worked in a Federal Building. He called Jackie, we looked at one another confused, why was he calling, I had not heard a peep from him since July fourth, but people were busy calling their loved ones for multiple reasons, he may have needed to feel he was not alone in this disaster.

Jackie had taken the day off. She wanted to to drive to Amish country to pick up a love seat she had special ordered.  I got dressed and we headed out, ears glued to the radio.  Was it over? Would there be more destruction in a world where we had only seen footage in far away countries of such hatred? 

After I had accepted the position, I moved my clothes to Patty's and prepared to settle in that final weekend before I started my new position.  On Sunday, my agent, who happened to be a relative of Patty's had given me some leads on homes to look at.  We drove up to Carmel.  I was starting to become discouraged at the homes I had seen so far.

Tottenham Drive - Fit for a Queen!

It wasn't that I was downsizing. It wasn't that I was afraid of buying a house that needed some work, it was I had not walked in to a house that my heart spoke, "you are home." It had happened every time I bought a house, I was just waiting for those three little words.

The house on the outside looked nice. It was a small neighborhood and close to every thing that I would need.  I opened the door and stepped inside and I heard the words I had been longing to hear.  I was home.

The Next Chapter of Life

I would love to say that I stayed strong, but I wasn't always.  I had days that I just wanted to sit and stare at the walls.  I didn't.  I stayed busy.  I found projects around the house.  I stained the deck, organized the shed,cleaned the garage and organized the basement, I emptied, cleaned and organized her kitchen cupboards and pantry.  I worked in the yard and looked for a job. I taught Jackie how to cook a fabulous meal in thirty minutes or less. She always believed to put a meal on the table you had to spend all day cooking, not me.  I'd be knee high in a project, cook a meal and be ready to sit down when they got home from work.  I always used to tease her, "Who would have thought just a half an  hour ago I was knee high in mud and grass clippings, look at this feast I have prepared!" She wanted my secret.

My cousin, Jackie is six years older than I am. She grew up on the south side of Lansing.  Her  mom was one of my mom's older sisters.  My Aunt Winnie, she was just my favorite Aunt of all times.  But her daughter, I wanted to be like her when I was younger.  

You see people differently than they see themselves. Jackie was very smart, but she never felt loved, truly loved for who she was.  She was very close to her mom, they did every thing together.  I suppose you'd say her mom was her best friend.  My mom, we did very little together. In fact my mom would do things with Winnie and Jackie and never think to invite me.

When Jackie was a freshman at Lansing Community College she took a bicycling class.  Part of the class was to participate in a bike ride from Lansing to Mackinaw Island. If you couldn't do that, you could take a van up to the island and spend the weekend bicycling as no cars are allowed on the island.  Jackie asked me if I'd like to go with her.  What twelve year old is going to turn that down?

There was one condition, I was to tell no one I was only twelve.  I always looked older than what I was, so mum's the word. By the time we got to the island and took the ferry over, the weather had turned to thunderstorms and we were drenched.  I did not pack extra clothes for wet weather or cold weather, but we some how survived.  Here I was living the dream, hanging with college students on the island and I wasn't even a teenager yet.  

The first night we went to a restaurant that turned into a bar at nine.  They came around to ID every one and of course I did not have an ID.  Jackie told  them I was seventeen and we would leave, so every one got up and left with us. The group wanted to include me in their fun, not knowing I was much younger.  I had so much fun that weekend although the weather was horrible.

The trip back to Lansing, was a life changing experience.  We were all in the back of this cargo van, tired from the long weekend.  People were sitting up, laying down, leaning against each other sleeping.  Jackie and I were up toward the front behind the drivers seat, she was in front of me and the instructor of the course was behind me.  Before I knew what spooning was, I was being spooned by this professor and his hands were a little to active for a twelve year old body.  I didn't know what to say or do.  I was twelve and I didn't dare say any thing. If Jackie told my mother, I'd never get to go with her again. So, I pretended to sleep. It was the longest trip I had ever taken.

Years later, I'm going on forty one and Jackie and I were sitting in her living room.  She was talking about issues that she had and I didn't understand how this woman that I thought had it so together, was so lost.  I used this experience of mine to explain life to her.  She never knew.  She wondered how I had gotten so wise and why I never explained these things to her before, it was quite simple in my book, "While you were in therapy talking about these things, I was living it, so I could teach others, just so happens I've learned a lot of lessons to share now."

She helped me talk through a lot of my heartache.  We had not been apart of each others life for years after I became an adult. She married for the first and only time at thirty.  I was married to Killer. I didn't see much of her until after I was married to Chappy.  I invited her and my mother to come down for a girls weekend.  We talked about everything, but what I realized that weekend, I may not have been close to my mom where we did things together, but my mom talked to me. I was my mother's best friend. She would confide in me about things a child or young girl should never know about their mom and their parents relationship as well as those in the family.

What I thought was a close relationship between my cousin and aunt, was a shallow relationship, they talked about the weather and non specific topics. They never talked about subjects that were personal or private. Jackie thought it was odd that my mom and I sat there that weekend and talked about sex and men like we were talking about the weather.  Never assume what you see on the outside is what is really going on the inside.

I saw Jackie as some one intelligent, popular, fun, pretty, daring, and yet, she was smart, but book smart, there is a big difference in being book smart and using street smart. She analyzed everything in depth, I analyzed it for the moment and moved on.   She read every book written on human relationships, I lived life so I could write one.  Every thing was black and white to her, no coloring outside of the lines.  I liked technicolor and I'd color on your paper, if mine got full. We were so very different, yet family and I'd stick up for her any day like I did to John.

 She was looking for relationships where there was a deep connection. She thought she had found one in John, but John was very shallow and did not know how to have a deep relationship and it, was all about John. He wanted people in his life for a reason, to support the facade he was living.  He wanted a woman in his life so that other's did not think he was gay and his ex-wife knew that he was worthy of love.  He wanted friends, but only when he needed to spend time with some one, not when they might need him.

It was sad to see this day that Jackie lost her best friend, but she learned lessons. She learned that those you think would have your back, will stab you without blinking an eye.

After I moved into Jackie's I was extremely sad. I felt responsible for the end of their friendship, I didn't think I would ever find a job and I missed having a home that was mine. I hated being in limbo and not knowing when every thing was going to fall in to place or if it ever would.

In early August I received a letter from my attorney, I was free. I had been legally divorced for six weeks and didn't even know it.  The negotiations were over and the next chapter of my life was about to begin. Since Chappy filed, he had to go to Atlanta to appear in court.  I was not required.  I was unaware there was even a court date, shows you how much my attorney kept me informed of things.

I had been applying for jobs, but nothing was happening.  I decided in early September that I was going to change careers and applied to become a licensed real estate agent.  I loved houses, I knew a lot about them and their structure and I thought I would be good at this, so did others.  I could envision changes to share with potential clients who might not see the beauty in a small shack that would be their starter home.

About the time I had this change in heart to pursue other possibilities, I got a call, some one was interested in interviewing me for a position in management, in Indianapolis.  I drove down and stayed with my friend Patty. I interviewed and looked for houses, but found nothing.  I didn't hear back from the company and thought I had lost another opportunity, but they called me, for a second interview and within the week, offered me a job.  

I was in town, had a job and looked once more for  a house. I found my future home on a Sunday afternoon, hours before I was to start a new job. Patience. Timing.  Every thing boils down to timing. You must be patient as all things happen for a reason, you just might be standing too close to the picture to see the beauty of it all.

Are there any decent men in this world?

I had no where to go without a job.  It is hard to buy a home, get utilities or rent an apartment with no job.  My cousin, Jackie had offered to open her home up to me until my divorce settled and I could find gainful employment.  I wasn't ready to move in with family. John offered his condo.  I chose the condo.  I was not in my right frame of mind, that is my story and I'm sticking to it.

As I have described, John was high maintenance. He wore the best of the best.  Every thing was in place, not a speck of dust to be found.  He reminded me of my grandmother. He had white furniture, but didn't want  you to sit on it. He had an entire room that was just for show, no one  allowed to sit or touch anything in the room. He was a brand name dropper.  Every thing was bought from an exclusive store or shop. I am a bargain shopper. 

His hair had to be just right, his nails had to be manicured and polished and every day he put cuticle oil on them.  Do not ask him to skip this step if  you are running late! I tried, wasn't pleasant. He would run the dishwasher daily, even if the only thing in it were his coffee cup and spoon.  He did not like dirty dishes. I did not understand why he couldn't hand wash them, but you got it, the nails. He didn't want dish washer hands.

How my cousin thought we were perfect for one another, I'll never know.  But I am not afraid of getting my hands dirty. I like things in there place, but I don't freak out if a dirty spoon is in the sink or a drop of water is on the vanity.  He did.

He was a bit effeminate with his body language and his voice was a little high pitched at times.  He was very well groomed and it bothered him that people thought he might be gay.  He moved from Battle Creek after his divorce was final to get away from that stigma.  I never understood it, but he felt without a wife, people would make assumptions since he had not been with a woman since his divorce.  Red flag one.

He was active in his church, sang in the choir and taught Bible School. He reminded me of Killer in the way he was one person under his roof and someone completely different outside.

We did a lot of things with Jackie and her husband, Mike.  Jackie considered John her best friend. Shortly after I moved in, John proposed.  I declined his offer, I was still married and the marriage thing wasn't impressing me much.

He started looking for a home, as he thought if he had a home and I could have Precious with me all the time, I'd reconsider.  I was very honest with him, I was not looking to stay in Michigan. My personal belongings were stored in Indianapolis and that is where I intended on living.

He suggested I stay in Marshall and in seven years when he retired, we'd move to Indianapolis. He didn't understand that he was not some one I would have married.

He started looking for a house anyway and took me along.  He wanted to know if I could see myself living there, the answer was always, no. I realized that in his mind if he found the house that I "could live in," I'd marry him, so I stopped house hunting with  him.  He took Jackie and she told him the same thing, "She isn't staying here no matter what you buy, so you need to find a house for you."

He found one and wanted me to come see it.  It was three doors down from Jackie's house.  It was the exact same floor plan as the house I grew up in back in DeWitt. It was in really nice condition and well maintained. He bought it. Sold his condo and was moving.

By the time this had happened, I had helped move his son from college to an apartment.  I helped move this son's girlfriend as well.  I was tired of moving, but I was really good at it.

The selling of his condo and moving into his home coincided with his 50th birthday. I had asked Jackie if we could have a surprise birthday party at her home for him and she agreed, but she had so much "work to do" to prepare for a party.  The yard needed to be cleaned up, the house needed to be cleaned, so I did it.  I love working in the yard and hers was a dream yard, but it had been neglected.  I would come over early in the morning and work all day in the yard hanging out with Precious.

John & Cindy

I worked in this yard for over a month to get it prepared for this surprise party.  I had sent out invitations, planned every thing!  He had no clue I was going to be throwing him a party. But then, the real John showed up  one night and my glimmer of hope that not all men were assholes, faded quickly.

He had bought this house. He had to pack. He worked.  I was spending way too much time at Jackie's doing "her work" and not packing him up! He was like a child! Upset that I was not spending all my time doing for him.

I  had helped his oldest son and his girlfriend pack up college apartments and move to  separate cities.  I had helped his son secure a few perks for his apartment that his dad wouldn't buy for him, a microwave and DVR.  Bryan was so grateful for my  help and thankful for helping him monetarily on many levels. He didn't have the money to get a few things he needed and he was applying towards Graduate school.  We sat in his apartment one day and he told  me what life had been like when his parents were married.  "You'll leave him.  You need to leave him.  You deserve better.  You haven't seen my real father."  We just had a heart to heart talk about life. "Why are you doing this for me? My own parent's won't help me move or get a start in life. How do I ever repay you?"

"It's simple.  I have been blessed. Some day, you can repay me, when you are in my position and you find some one who needs help, help them."  Long before pay it forward was popular, I  was paying it forward.  

My moving skills were finely tuned.  John was expecting me to move him as well, on my own.  He  had no intention of moving himself.  I was working against the clock to prepare this yard for a party and I was upset that he was demanding my time to pack him up.  Jackie tried to tell him that I had moved so many times in the last couple of  years that I wanted nothing to do with moving again.  But he still pouted.

I would work in the garden by day, pack at night.  I was still battling Chappy's attorney to iron out all of the finer points in settling the divorce and I was still looking for a job in Indianapolis

Within a couple of weeks, he was scheduled to move.  He was having a difficult time living in the condo with boxes packed and stacked around him, but there was no place to put them. He wanted to be able to paint before he moved in and have the floors refinished, that is why there was a delay in getting into the house.

April 30, 2001, he had to be out of this condo by midnight and he wasn't close to even being ready to move. The surprise birthday party was in two weeks and I was busy preparing for both. I had been painting rooms at his house at night, most times crashing on the floor as I would paint through the night while he was asleep in his condo as he  had a real job. I'd get up, shower at Jackie's and work in the yard, go to John's and paint or to the condo and pack.

But that last evening, I lost it!  I was moving boxes, putting them in the Bravada and driving them to the house, unloading them into the garage and coming back for more.  John was helpless.  He packed about as fast as a snail and I was getting upset as we had to be out by midnight.  The straw that broke the camel's back was him sitting on the floor taking the drawers to  his desk out.  He took each item and carefully packed them in a box and then wrapped Saran wrap around the drawers.  

The house was less than five miles away. I had moved boxes and boxes and he sat on the floor like a child inspecting a booger, packing up this desk! 

"John, just leave the stuff in the drawers and we'll  move them like that.  You don't have to unpack the drawers! Come on! We don't have much time left to get out of  here!"

He just sat there, in the middle of the floor moving as if in slow  motion. "Cin, I have to unpack the drawers. How are we going to get this stuff to the house?"

"IN THE DRAWERS!" He didn't want to ask any one for help. He had several who had offered from church, but  he said we could do it.  Well, "WE" ain't doing it, I am!

I called Jackie at 11:00 and told her I needed to call the reserves in.  We still had furniture to move and I was not able to move all the boxes in my car within the time I had left.  Within fifteen minutes, the troops were there, we packed every thing up and were out within minutes of midnight.  I thought about leaving John sitting in the middle of the room, as he still hadn't moved. I practically had to remove the drawers from his clenched hands as he didn't want to leave them packed so we could move them.

He was a mess.  He did not know how to live among ciaos and I was an expert at it. He wanted the living room and hallway painted, the ceilings painted and the house cleaned before he put his stuff in it.  I had worked so hard to get it accomplished but I did.

The party was two weeks later.  I had been unpacking him, working in the garden and living life.  He had no idea that I had been working on this surprise party.  Jackie lit into him about how he treated me the past few weeks, but he was  oblivious to it.

I was sad that my divorce was close to be finalized. You enter so many different stages when you leave some one or they leave you.  I had gone through the anger when I was faced with the mediation.  All in the timing and I couldn't have timed that one better. I was entering the world of acceptance. This was happening and it was going to be finalized soon. 

What did I want to do with the rest of my life? I was still having a hard time locating any feasible employment.   I had been to Indianapolis and looked at houses, but none appealed to me. I had to find some thing. I couldn't sit in limbo all of my life.

Chappy's attorney had contacted Mr. King claiming I was gainfully employed and demanding the payments start counting toward the "settlement."  Chappy had "heard" a Cindy Schafer was working in Indianapolis.  Well good for her, but it wasn't me.  I wrote his attorney and suggested she hire a private eye, because this Cindy Schafer was digging holes and looking for bodies to bury, she had quite a list going on at the time. They were wasting time waiting for me to find a job so they could offer less and I had nothing but time on my hands as well as some dirt and paint.

July fourth, 2001, John was supposed to be painting. I'd had my share of it. I had recently found some furniture that I liked and purchased it.  It was in the finished basement of John's house and we were using it until I moved.  I was making steps toward my goal, some thing had to give. 

Jackie and I had driven to Battle Creek to shop at Meijer. It was late in the day and we decided that we'd grab steaks, corn on the cob and watermelon to make a quick dinner for all  of us when we got home.  Mike would grill the steaks and bring them down when they were done. I'd prepare the rest of the meal and we'd  have a quick bite and call it a day.  Simple. 

I came in to the house to find John painting.  He was in a mood! I was setting the table for dinner when his son Bryan walked in.  I sat an extra place for him to join us. I told John the last minute plans, we'd eat and then I'd help him finish up.  He had repeatedly told me "this is your home too. I want you to feel at home here."  But I guess he didn't mean it.

Mike and Jackie showed up, the meal was on the table and we were sitting down to eat.  I asked John to join us and he didn't respond.  He kept pacing up from the living room which was visible from the dining room, down the hall and back, non stop.  I ignored him.  This was his way of letting me know he was not happy.  Bryan knew  his Dad. "Dad, come sit down and eat!"

"I'm not hungry." John ate little meals all day long but I knew he was hungry. He just kept pacing and finally he said in a snippy little voice, "Cin, I need to talk to you in private."

I got up and we went to the bedroom.  "What are THOSE people doing in my house?"

"I told you, we are grabbing a quick bite and then going  about our evening.  Jackie and I just decided we'd share in cooking, eat together and then they will go home."

Now, these "guests"  were family.  Mine and his.  He did not whisper, he was angry, so they heard every thing being spoken. "I do not want THOSE PEOPLE in my house!"

"John, we are eating and when they are done, they will leave, come join us for dinner." and I got up to walk away.  He was right on my tail.  

"I TOLD YOU I DID NOT WANT THOSE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE!!"

We were now right in front of them. Jackie was clearing the table.  She was putting their meals in tin foil to take home and eat.  Mike was in the shed retrieving tools they had loaned to John to use.  Bryan had left the house, meal untouched. I was looking at the body for the grave I'd been digging.

Jackie spoke up, "John, we heard your conversation.  We came here to enjoy a meal with family, but apparently we are not welcomed in YOUR house, so we will leave and never return."  She was wrapping up her stuff and heading toward the door. "And by the way, Michael is getting our stuff from the shed, we don't let PEOPLE like you use our things."  And she was gone.

I was livid! "How dare you treat my family like that! You tell me that I am to make myself comfortable here and treat this like it is my home and you show your ass and treat my family like that?"

"I can only tolerate your cousin when I want to see her.  I did not want to see her today!" These two people had been friends, almost "girlfriends" and he could only tolerate her when he wanted to see her?  I started looking back and sure enough, when he didn't want to be around Jackie, he came up with reasons to be busy.  

He was in the kitchen, cleaning up the plates that Jackie had left on the counter.  He was muttering some thing under his breath about inviting people into his home with out his permission.  I don't know what came over me.  I walked over to the sink and asked him to repeat himself and he made it very clear that I had no right to invite anyone over to HIS house.  There before me was the John I had heard of, but only had a glimpse of.  I told him to face me and speak up if  he was going to bad mouth my family and he turned his face in the other direction like a child.  I don't know what came over me, but I grabbed his shirt and as I did, he pulled away and the shirt tore.

"OH MY GOD, now you are resorting to abuse?  Is this what you are all about? Look! You tore my shirt! What's next?"  I had to be living in hell, I  had never experienced any man like this.

I walked into the bedroom, packed a suitcase and left. I walked down to Jackie's in tears.  I can't live like this!  I had bent over backward to help this man and this is how he treated my family?  I came in and Jackie was upset in tears.  She thought John was her friend and she was distraught that he would treat her so poorly.

I asked if I could move in with them. They fully understood the predicament I was in. Jackie kept apologizing for introducing me.  There  had been plenty of other incidents that had occurred that lead to the final moment, but I had looked the other way.  This was a short term arrangement, but I could not tolerate this any longer.

Within minutes John was at the door,he wanted to talk to me. She told him that I had nothing to say.  He begged her to go get me, he needed to talk to me.  Again, she told him, I had nothing to say.  He called my name, begging that I come out so we could talk, she told him that I was moving in with them the next day, so he started shouting,  demanding the key to his house.  I was in the bedroom.  I feared if I came out, I'd rip more than his shirt.  Jackie told  him that I still had things at his house and I needed to come get them, but it could wait until the morning.  The next day was Monday. I was already planning on what I needed to do to remove my clothes and furniture the next day.

He informed her that I was not welcomed in his home, "Look what she did" as he showed her the shirt that was torn. "Look! She's abused me and I will not tolerate it!"  Abused him! I almost came out from the back of the house to shred the rest of the shirt off of him, but I remained back there, listening to him whine about how I didn't help him finish painting and he was having to do that now and I didn't  help him pack to move, blah, blah, blah!

Jackie said he was wrong, I had been there to do all of that and he was taking advantage of me.  Round Two! He lit into her and she slammed the door in his face.  I watched him scurry back to his house.  I had had too much drama for a life time that night.

The next morning I got up early to make arrangements for movers to come get the furniture to store.  His car was in the driveway, he did not go to work.  Shortly thereafter, the locksmith was in the drive.  He was changing the locks and my stuff was still in the house!

Jackie came home that day and I told her what had happened. She walked down to get my car that was still parked there and inform him that the movers would be there the next day to remove the furniture and my personal belongings.

"She is not going to do that to my son again!" His youngest spent a considerable amount of time in the basement, where I had made a spare room into a bedroom for him, so he could hang with friends.  One of the reasons I bought the furniture was that I liked it and I could store in and  use it until I moved.

What do you mean, do  what to your son? She has done nothing but be nice to both of your sons. What are you implying?"

"She is not taking that furniture!  I do not want Eric coming home to an empty house again, his mother did that once and I will not do it again to him!"

"John, it's her furniture and she is going to take it tomorrow.  She is pretty determined and you don't want to get in her way."

"Well, I'll be here and so will the police! She tore my shirt!"

"John, Cindy told me what happened, she did not abuse you, she grabbed your shirt to get your attention cause you were acting childish and you pulled away, that is how  your shirt ripped."

"She isn't getting a thing, its my furniture, it's in my house."

Jackie came home.  I had been watching from the picture window as the two of them had this debate.  She told me what he had said and I was amazed at how he had spun this into such a mini drama.

The next day, the movers came.  The furniture was removed and stored. My clothing was brought down to Jackie's.  I didn't go to the house. Jackie went for me.  I had tools in the shed that I had taken down to do things at his house. He wouldn't give them to her.  I had little things around the house, trinkets, personal belongings, he wouldn't give those to her.  I got the furniture and my clothes.  I didn't care, I'd buy new.  If he was that bad off that he couldn't part with cookie jars, hedge scissors and jigsaws, let alone what else he wouldn't give her, that was OK. I was really sick of men and swore I'd never look at one again.